...beyond all this

Willow Arts Conference Reflection 09

2009-06-30T16:52:00.003-05:00

I didn't have a laptop with me for the Willow Arts Conference this year - so I just did updates on twitter. But just for the record, it was a great week of renewal as usual. Doesn't everyone need those times to sit back and be reminded of why they do what they do?

Here's the deal. I have my dream job - which doesn't quite seem fair (since it's the only full-time job I've had). I get to work to plan the weekly worship of a local church. AND I get to work alongside of people with incredible artistic gifts. To top it all off, this is in a community that has nurtured me & empowered me for pretty much my entire life. Wow.

And yet, far too often, I can get discouraged and tired. When your job is planning and preparing for Sundays - you start to realize that the deadline comes every week with amazing regularity. And - I'm what I like to call a "high-achieving slacker" - which means that I work best under pressure (though I usually cry somewhere in the process). And it can be way too easy to lose sight of the big picture.

Nancy Beach mentioned a few of these "enemies of wonder" in the first conference session: hurry, stress, too much technology, noise, lack of solitude, absence of celebration, boredom of routine..." I have definitely been influenced by a few of those.

The theme verse for the conference was from Isaiah 29 -

13 "And so the Lord says,
'These people say they are mine.
They honor me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me.
And their worship of me
is nothing but man-made rules learned by rote.
14 Because of this, I will once again astound these hypocrites
with amazing wonders.
The wisdom of the wise will pass away,
and the intelligence of the intelligent will disappear.'"

I never want to be guilty of verse 13 - and yet, right after that, God's response in verse 14 is amazing! I am so grateful for the reminder to look to God in amazed wonder - and to offer genuine worship to Him.

As they ended the first session at the Arts Conference, they did an amazing drama/dance/video piece called, "Behold the Dreamer." It told the story of an artist in the church - and quite honestly, I don't think I could do it justice trying to describe it with words.

As the piece ended, this prayer came on the screen - and today it is my prayer for my ministry & for my team.

God, whom saints and angels delight to worship in heaven: Be ever present with your servants who seek through art and music to perfect the praises offered by your people on earth; and grant to them even now glimpses of your beauty, and make them worthy at length to behold it unveiled for evermore; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Book of Common Prayer

Finale Week

2009-05-17T22:13:00.003-05:00

This past week I went to 2 finale parties for TV shows - Tuesday night was The Biggest Loser (which I didn't watch this season; I went because I've enjoyed the show before and it's always fun to go to a finale party) and then Wednesday was LOST (which we got to watch with our LOST-loving friends; we even had Dharma snacks!). We have yet to watch the finale for "The Office" - hope to catch up on that soon.

This coming week holds yet another major finale - American Idol. You guys? I have a confession. I used to LOVE this show - but I'm kind of not loving it lately. I used to love seeing how people would pick songs on the various genre weeks and I loved giving my (usually very strong) opinion on each performance. I went 10/10 by myself in an AI round of a trivia challenge a few years ago. I enjoy spirited discussions about the show with co-workers and on message boards and blogs.

However, this year I haven't found any contestant that I've had any type of strong reaction to - positive or negative. I also really don't like having 4 judges.

I just...don't care very much. Which makes me a little sad and nostalgic for earlier AI seasons.

(Remember the AI finale when they had the Clay Aiken lookalike sing - and then brought the real Clay out behind him and he FREAKED OUT? Remember how much I hate Blake Lewis? Remember Fantasia singing after she won?)

My dad sent me this link - A guy ranked his top 95 all-time Idol contestants. Lots of obscure people near the bottom of the list. And he over-ranked the current season's contestants. (Scott Savol at #50? No way.) My dad and my favorite guy (more for personality than singing), George Huff comes in at #38.

Who is your all-time favorite idol contestant? Any other thoughts on AI?

(I will probably try to watch the finale this week - if only to see Adam Lambert sing some super-cheese generic "believe in your dreams/this is my moment" song they wrote for the finale. Or maybe the producers will do another 90's worship song for the group medley like they did last year...)

Dangerous?

2009-05-10T09:53:00.002-05:00

We're using a prayer in our services today (in part to celebrate Mother's Day) - and because we're using it, I've been pondering it quite a bit. It's a prayer that sits on my bulletin board at work, so I see it regularly.

I don't always reflect it - but I do believe in living life with purpose and intentionality. My life has been immeasurably blessed by women (both my mom & grandmothers - but also countless women at church, teachers, mentors, and friends) who have chosen to love unselfishly (which is actually redundant). They are examples to me of voices that speak against lies and rebel against the status quo. I am grateful for them - and want to make my life count - to the glory of God.

Dear God,
please make us dangerous women.
May we be women who acknowledge our power
to change, and grow, and be radically alive for God.
May we be healers of wounds and righters of wrongs.
May we weep with those who weep and
speak for those who cannot speak for themselves.
May we cherish children, embrace the elderly,
and empower the poor.
May we pray deeply and teach wisely.
May we be strong ang dentle leaders.
May we sing songs of joy and talk down fear.
May we never hesitate to let passion push us,
conviction compel us, and righteous anger energize us.
May we strike fear into all that is unjust and evil in the world.
May we dismantle abusive systems and
silence lies with truth.
May we shine like stars in a darkened generation.
May we overflowe with goodness in the name of God
and by the power of Jesus.
And in that name and by that power,
may we change the world.
Dear God, please make us dangerous women.
AMEN.

-Lynne Hybels, "Nice Girls Don't Change the World

Another video

2009-03-28T11:32:00.000-05:00

From Granger -

Love this

2009-03-21T15:26:00.001-05:00

This is totally new information.

2009-03-07T11:56:00.003-06:00

This was a good week. A week full of new and (mostly) amazing discoveries.

Turns out - I like eggplant parmesean. I'd heard people talk about it, but had never tried it. Thanks to my small group - I now know that egglant is not so scary (at least when it's covered in bread crumbs, fried, and covered in pasta sauce and cheese).
Did you know that St. John's Hospital has parking spaces reserved for clergy? This is totally new information! I realize it's a little lazy to want to find a convenient parking spot - but since I was going on hospital calls, I totally used it! (And since I took the last one, I tried not to think about the elderly priest who was going to have to park at the top of the parking garage because of me.)
I have discovered that I can work out (and by work out - I mean spend 25 - 40 minutes of torture - JILLIAN.) almost every day and not die. I may have walked around like an old lady for the better part of a week, but I definitely feel stronger/healthier already.
Did you also know that Sonic has a $1 mini sundae with candy? I recommend the Oreo topping.
Even though I read Fahrenheit 451 in high school, I remembered NONE of it when I saw a high school production this weekend. It was thought-provoking for sure. Did you know that Bradbury said the book is not as much about censorship as it is about the effect of television/mass media on people's desire to read? The threat is less people burning books - and more that people just don't read. (Makes me want to stretch myself in that area...)
Speaking of heat, we are in the middle of a HEAT WAVE (70's!) - but no one wants to turn on the A/C because we all know it's only March and it's central Illinois. But this means that Target, the grocery store, and pretty much any building are miserably hot. Also, it means that my feet stink.

Did you discover anything this week?

And so it is for us...

2009-02-25T06:00:00.001-06:00

This is a reading from a Lent/Easter devotional I've had for a few years.
I write in my books as a general habit. This one my only note is next to the title: "Wow."

Ash Wednesday 2009

Living Lent
Barbara Cawthorne Crafton

We didn’t even know what moderation was. What it felt like. We didn’t just work: we inhaled our jobs, sucked them in, became them. Stayed late, brought work home – it was never enough, though, no matter how much time we put in.

We ordered things we didn’t need from the shiny catalogues that came to our houses: we ordered three times as much as we could use, and then we ordered three times as much as our children could use.

We didn’t just eat: we stuffed ourselves. We had gained only three pounds since the previous year, we told ourselves. Three pounds is not a lot. We had gained about that much in each of the twenty-five years since high school. We did not do the math.

We redid living rooms in which the furniture was not worn out. We threw away clothing that was merely out of style.

We felt that it was important to be good to ourselves, and that this meant that it was dangerous to tell ourselves no. About anything, ever. Repression of one’s desires was an unhealthy thing. I work hard, we told ourselves. I deserve a little treat. We treated ourselves every day.

There were times, coming into the house from work or waking early when all was quiet, when we felt uneasy about the sense of entitlement that characterized all our days. When we wondered if fevered overwork and excess of appetite were not two sides of the same coin – or rather, two poles between which we madly slalomed. Probably yes, we decided at these times. Suddenly we saw it all clearly: I am driven by my creatures – my schedule, my work, my possessions, my hungers. I do not drive them; they drive me. Probably yes. Certainly yes. This is how it is. We arose and did twenty sit-ups. The next day the moment had passed; we did none.

After moments like that, we were awash in self-contempt. You are weak. Self-indulgent. You are spineless about work and about everything else. You set no limits. You will become ineffective. We bridled at that last bit, drew ourselves up to our full heights, insisted defensively on our competence, on the respect we were due because of all our hard work. We looked for others whose lives were similarly overstuffed; we found them. “This is just the way it is,” we said to one another on the train, in the restaurant. “This is modern life. Maybe some people have time to measure things out by teaspoonfuls.” Our voices dripped contempt for those people who had such time. We felt oddly defensive, though no one had accused us of anything. But not me. Not anyone who has a life. I have a life. I work hard. I play hard.

When did the collision between our appetites and the needs of our souls happen? Was there a heart attack? Did we get laid off from work, one of the thousand certified as extraneous? Did a beloved child become a bored stranger, a marriage fall silent and cold? Or, by some exquisite working of God’s grace, did we just find the courage to look the truth in the eye and, for once, not blink? How did we come to know that we were dying a slow and unacknowledged death? And that the only way back to life was to set all our packages down and begin again, carrying with us only what we really needed?

We travail. We are heavy laden. Refresh us, O homeless, jobless, possession-less Savior. You came naked, and naked you go. And so it is for us. So it is for all of us.

Playing Catch-Up

2009-02-24T17:07:00.002-06:00

Not been feeling the blogging for a while. Life has felt a little hectic. But here are some truly random thoughts... Many of these bullet points could have been their own posts - but I am feeling - how you say - lazy.

Had a chance to worship last week at seminary chapel (at LCS). It sure is fun to go to Lincoln when I'm not in school. You know what else is fun? Starting a song only to be blown back by the volume of voices singing along with you. Man, those people can sing. We did a song that I've only used as a choir piece before - "Instruments of Your Peace." It's based on the prayer of St. Francis - and worked really well corporately. (I also found a version by Kendall Payne on a worship album of hers. Who knew she had a worship album?)
Found a new blog - Sojourn - a church community in Louisville, Kentucky. They are one of those old-meets-new places that makes me very intrigued. Their worship albums (including their Advent one) are good. Also interesting - the Open Sourcebook - an online collection of new liturgical writings/service elements.
Josh and I had an awesome weekend in Geneva, Illinois a few weekends back. The bed & breakfast where we stayed inspired my visual artist side to venture out of hiding. You can see some photos on facebook. (Photography is the only safe visual arts medium for me. Until Rebekah teaches me how to throw pottery, anyways...)
Have had some great, challenging conversations with Melissa lately about taking risks versus playing it safe. Goes along with the current theme to our worship services - do we want safe, comfortable lives - or do we want lives that are used by God to do something bigger than we could do on our own?
Last Sunday we used a series of G.K. Chesterton quotes in worship, from his book, Orthodoxy. I was reminded as I was skimming over the book that Rich Mullins clearly read Chesterton. In the opening pages of Orthodoxy, he says, setting up the book as his own snapshots and attempts to describe his view of God, "I will not call it my philosophy; for I did not make it. God and humanity made it; and it made me." (Which reminds me of the lyrics to RM's "Creed." Good stuff.)

Hopefully more, less-random thoughts to come. (I hope to blog a little bit during Lent.)

In the meantime, I am praying and waiting not so patiently for the arrival of Baby Sandel!!

Monday Randoms

2009-01-19T21:12:00.002-06:00

Just a few, un-related bullet points for today:

In current music rotation: Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack, a couple tracks from Andrew Peterson's new album, Mates of State, and a bunch of random worship songs/service songs. I could use new music, though - feel free to recommend something you think I'd like.
For the worship people, here's a page from Granger that lists their weekly songs used in services. Kinda interesting.
In honor of Dr. King, go here and read/watch/listen to his "I Have A Dream" speech. Powerful stuff.

2008 Retrospective

2009-01-04T22:27:00.011-06:00

It has been quite a year - and I doubt I'd be able to do it all justice in one post. But here are a few highlights from 2008 in my world (non-work):

Singing the Durufle Requiem with the Illinois Symphony Chorus
The Wizard of Oz pit orchestra
House hunting & the purchase of our first home in April

The coolest bridal shower ever - with lots of cake centerpieces

My sister, Rebekah, lives the dream (spends a summer in NYC)
My sister, Mary's high school graduation

Granny and Gramps' 60th anniversary

Lots of friends getting married (which meant doing the Cha Cha Slide A LOT) and lots of friends having babies (which mostly made me feel old)
Our wedding (July 12th)

Crazy/great trip/honeymoon in Mexico
Finding out about Baby Sandel
My brother Josh & Jenna's wedding (July 26th)

Millions of peaches

Olympic Opening Ceremonies party - where I fell asleep in the basement
New co-worker in my department - yay Gabe!
Going to 2 Cubs games

A new small group
Fun fall things - IN Covered Bridge Festival, haunted house in Terre Haute & the Great Pumpkin Patch
Election Day Birthday Party

The arrival of the PIANO to our house
The world's craziest Christmas season

Wow. Well - 2008, thanks for being an incredible year. We will definitely remember you!

December 15th

2008-12-14T22:26:00.005-06:00

Been reminiscing lately about a pretty incredible day one year ago....
Those of you who have heard the story in person know that it can be a long - but great - story. Here's the Cliff Notes version:

Josh told me he had plans for Saturday AM (our dating anniversary)
He said he wanted to surprise me - and I said I'd let him
Sat AM he picked me up at 4:45am and it's snowing
He drives me to the airport (!)
Says - Merry Christmas, we're going to Chicago for the day
Me - Wooooow. YAY! I can't believe we're flying there!
We fly to Chicago (despite nasty snowy weather)
We land and he says - we have to RUN
Run where?
Run to our next gate (!)
While running, I find out we're going to NYC (!)
I start freaking out - because I HAVE to be at church on Sunday AM
We make the flight, and he starts explaining.
He worked it out (for me to miss church - which is a big deal), we have a place to stay (mission house where I'd been before in Brooklyn), and we have show tickets (Mamma Mia).
Merry Christmas!
I was - VERY surprised.

We got dressed up (he had my best friend pack me a bag)
We ate an amazing Italian dinner
We walked around midtown Manhattan (which was AWESOME)
We saw Mamma Mia
And we went to Rockefeller Center, where he proposed in front of the BIG tree
(I figured that might happen once I found out about NYC - but it was great.)
It was really amazing and surreal.
We ate dessert, called our families, and rode the Subway back to Brooklyn.

It's been really fun this year seeing the BIG TREE on TV and remembering being there. Even though it was a whirlwind of a day, I have so many really vivid memories -

the way my heart sped up when I realized we were going to the airport
the travel bag (w/ magazines and notes of reassurance from work)

having to wait for 2 flights from O'Hare to get our bags in NYC

how fun it was to not know the plan - but to keep being surprised

seeing the skyline from the cab (holy cow we're in New York today!)

getting dressed up at the mission house

the energy of the city - and both of our excitement (and Josh's nerves)

leaving the theater and the beginnings of light snow (Josh: "perfect")

the MASS OF HUMANITY in midtown Manhattan

the jewelry box with a light in it

the excitement of our families (over the phone) and the congratulations from strangers in the restaurant

the subway ride back to Brooklyn where we got to talk and make plans for BIG stuff

being exhausted - but totally unable to sleep

the church team from Mayberry, NC who were staying at the mission house - they were SO excited for us that over breakfast they each gave us a piece of marriage advice and prayed for us.

loving every minute of being together

Internet Ramblings

2008-12-03T20:09:00.003-06:00

Just a few things I've run across lately that I thought were worth sharing/processing:

This article on CNN about a highly successful music producer made me sad. Pop music is a guilty pleasure of mine - and it's not a surprise that it's more of a science of figuring out what sells vs. making music. It maybe just surprises me to have someone be that transparent/self-aware about their intentions ($) and desire for control (rather than collaboration).

I'm almost done with my Christmas mix. If you want one, let me know. Fortunately for everyone, I found a new instrumental album this year (that I didn't have when I did my Christmas Music of 08 review) - Jingle All the Way - Bela Fleck & the Flecktones. If you combine banjo, bass, reeds, and throat-singing (!!!) together with Christmas music - you get the most unique holiday album ever. I've only had it a few days - but I like how creative it is. You can listen to clips on the website. If you do....you're welcome!

For other worship planners that might read this blog, I've found a couple more blogs/places to see what other churches do in their services. I always enjoy getting away to worship other places - just to see another church family, to be able to be a part of the congregation (vs. being up front), and to get ideas. Thanks to the internet, I can do some of that in my office. So here are some of my new worship feeds:

Sean Bublitz at Community Christian in Naperville, IL.
I've been sad that Bill Carroll hasn't blogged since the summer - but now Sean is doing weekly overviews from CCC's services.
Parkview Christian Church in Orland Park, IL redid their website and now has a media site where you can watch whole services.
**My favorite recent find: Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington, IL has a cool Advent site up - which includes daily devotionals (which you can subscribe to via email). Really cool.

Just as it's fun to see what other people are doing - I also want to be excited about what is happening in my church family. Every community is unique - and that's a good thing.
A few videos that we've made for services - including all of the In Plain English series are now on the WSCCMedia YouTube channel. My personal favorite is Esther In Plain English. I'm also excited about Feed500. If you're a WS-er, don't forget to bring food this week!

And thus ends my random internet ramblings...for today.

Feels Like Home

2008-11-26T14:21:00.004-06:00

I didn't blog much about the dating, engagement, wedding, excitement, etc. I didn't want to overshare on personal stuff - especially on a place like the internet. But on the other side of it all, I am starting to realize how incredibly blessed I am to be here.

I have a home. And I don't just mean a house. I have a place where I'm safe - where I'm known - and where I can (hopefully) bless others. I don't ever want to take it for granted.

It's been a crazy few months. We had lots of stuff to sort through (since both of us have had our own places for several years), lots of new stuff to find a home for (because people were very generous with us), and have been trying to settle into a routine.

We had 2 peach trees in our backyard that resulted in a LOT of work for Josh. They also resulted in homemade peach pie...so, not all bad.

We've established which sides of the couch we sit on in the evenings (with our laptops) and have learned more about each others' TV preferences.

More recently, we brought the biggest upright piano I've ever seen into our dining room. There was a minor incident with the wood floors in the entryway, but now we have a piano for Josh to play (which he LOVES).

And now we're decorating for our first Christmas together. It's a sentimental time for us - our dating milestones and then engagement all happened in December.

But more than anything, I think it's unbelievably amazing that at the end of any given day - I get to go home to my best friend.

I'm not a movie person...

2008-11-18T23:15:00.006-06:00

But one of my favorite bloggers tagged me this past summer - and I wanted to follow-through on the challenge. Plus I've been a blog-slacker.

So the challenge:
1. List your top ten favorite films in no particular order.
2. If you’re tagged, post your list and tag 3-5 other people.
3. Link back to the person who tagged you.
4. Give a hat tip (HT) to Dan.

I appreciate good movies - but I don't get into them as much as some people. I always feel pressure when someone asks me what my favorite movie is. I wonder if they'll judge me for some of my more shallow choices (I'm talking to you, Jim Halpert). I do like good, thought-provoking art - but I also like light entertainment. I suspect my list will reflect that.

The Princess Bride - This is my standard answer to the favorite movie question. It's one that my family (especially my dad) has always loved. The humor - and the grandfather/grandson commentary on the love story - are classic.
Ratatouille - This is a more recent favorite, and I think I blogged about why it moved me so deeply. I don't know that it works all that well as a kids movie strangely enough - I think it's a movie about being an artist. The animation itself is gorgeous. But the parts where Remy is enjoying combining flavors (and how they illustrate that), where the critic character is reminded of his "first love" of food, and his reflections on criticism are really great. So many people who love art are prone to the critical spirit - but this movie reminded me about all of the great things about art.
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade - This is another favorite of my parents - so it's one that I have good childhood memories of watching and laughing together. Which is appropriate since this is the movie with the father/son dynamic. "He chose....poorly."
Tommy Boy - This movie cracks me up. I have a hard time passing it by when it's on TV. There are other movies in the stupid humor category that I could include on this list - but this ranks as one of my very favorites. The duo of Farley/Spade is great - and my favorite scene is when they're listening to the radio in the car. The cheesy song comes on the radio, but no one wants to change it. Cut to them both singing it at the top of their lungs, bawling. LOVE IT.
In Good Company - I rented this with my roommate expecting it to be a predictable romantic comedy (guy falls in love with his older employee's daughter/awkwardness ensues). Instead, it's this movie that really honestly portrays the weird dynamic that happens in the workplace between generations. The relationship between Dennis Quaid's character and Topher Grace's character is just so real - and the transformation over the course of the story is great.
Luther - This is undoubtedly a nerdy pick. I understand it's not a totally historically accurate movie, but it did give me a deeper appreciation for a really important person in church history who was a real person who really loved God, Scripture, and the church.
Singin in the Rain - It's a classic. It's totally more about the dancing/showmanship than the story - but the title scene alone is enough to put this one my list. Good stuff. And I'm surprised at how often I have to defend this choice as a favorite movie - it frequently appears on critics' top lists as well.
The Wedding Singer - I like standard "chick flicks" - and there are lots that could go here (While You Were Sleeping, Miss Congeniality, Legally Blonde). This is my favorite Adam Sandler. It's awesomely 80's - and in the end is a sweet love story.
The Sound of Music - This movie is my childhood favorite. I watched it every time I was sick. I wanted to grow up to be Julie Andrews (and Amy Grant, but that's neither here nor there). It is also part of where my strong desire to visit Europe comes from.
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - I almost put Elf here instead, but this one is a favorite of Josh's - and has become as close to a Christmas classic as I can think of. It's better on TV - or I also enjoy hearing my husband quote the entire thing word-for word.

Okay, that was actually difficult to come up with 10! I should watch more movies...

I will tag Brandy, Chris, and Kara.

Christmas is coming - the goose is getting fat

2008-11-18T22:38:00.003-06:00

I know many people frown upon premature Christmasy activities - but here's the thing. I love Christmas music. It's too good to put limitations on. Also - I am vocationally required to plan services far enough in advance that I can't follow the "wait til after Thanksgiving" rule. (Not that I mind breaking it...)

I've been checking out new Christmas music releases and listening to old mixes and albums. I had considered an official review of the ones I've listened to so far - but I generally agree with ChristianityToday's 2008 Christmas album reviews.
Here's my short version:

Sixpence None the Richer - The Dawn of Grace is my favorite whole album. Great song choices, good arrangements, and cohesive feel. Favorite songs: "Riu, Riu, Chiu" and "The Last Christmas" (which makes me think of Baby Sandel)
DO NOT LIKE Casting Crowns' Peace on Earth. They're not my favorite anyways - but I bought it b/c they tend to have a few gems on each album that connect well with people (and are usable in services). But I can't find any on this album. Meh.
I also found Shane & Shane's Glory in the Highest rather disappointing. It's too mellow and unthoughtful - and I don't mean good mellow.
There are 2 albums that I'd say are pretty good - but I really wanted them to be amazing: Sara Groves' O Holy Night and Fernando Ortega's Christmas Songs. Both albums have some GREAT songs on them (which will definitely be making my 2008 Xmas mix) - but I had maybe unrealistic expectations on them as whole albums. Sara Groves does too many new, unmemorable tunes to familiar carol texts. But I LOVE "It's True" - which I first heard her do live at an Andrew Peterson concert last year. And the Fernando one is a little too straightforward and really too short for my liking. I'd like to hear some lesser known carols from him since he's such a good arranger.

I am working on my 2008 Christmas mix - should finish it soon (and I'll definitely post a track list).

And finally - I just saw that my friend Chris designed some gift certificates for projects through CMF in the slums of Nairobi, Kenya. This was a BIG part of our church's Christmas celebration last year; it's amazing what an impact small amounts of money can have in other parts of the world.

Spooky Fall Mix

2008-10-27T22:23:00.003-05:00

We are officially in one of my favorite parts of my favorite season. (It's Halloween week - which is right before Birthday week. I know that makes me a bit of a kid. Whatever.)

I was in iTunes last week listening to my "spooky" mix - a bunch of classical music with dark/Halloween-like themes. I'd been a delinquint in my summer mix CD circle - so I decided to make a holiday mix. Not the "coolest" mix ever, but I've been enjoying it quite a bit as a driving mix. Goes well with the scenery.

Here it is - with commentary:

Thriller - Marching Illini
Marching band=fall. I'm not the biggest marching nerd ever (I was only in the MI one year in college) - but it is fun. And this is a really fun song. We did a Halloween show the year I marched; this song involved a "monster step."
Prologue - Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone (John Williams)
I'm bummed about the Harry Potter movie getting bumped til 2009. The books are awesome - but I do enjoy the movies (they were my first introduction to Harry).
Double Trouble - Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban (John Williams)
Josh's junior high choir is singing this right now... It also reminds me of my senior year of high school when we made a movie of this scene from MacBeth (it involved me trying to say the lines, "Double double toil and trouble" while trying to shoot pool). Good times.
Great Pumpkin Waltz - Charlie Brown (Vince Guarldi Trio)
I don't know this Charlie Brown holiday flick as well as the Christmas one - but good music.
Dies Irae - Mozart Requiem
Two years ago this November I got to sing the Mozart Requiem with a local symphony chorus and professional orchestra. The music - and the context (Mozart's last work before he died, a requiem) - is definitely spooky.
Lacrymosa - Mozart Requiem
Turn! Turn! Turn! - The Byrds
Oldie
I Put a Spell on You - Screamin' Jay Hawkins
This one is just bizarre. But it works on the mix.
Autumn Leaves - Eva Cassidy
Eva Cassidy's voice has a really calming effect on me. She takes her time on every song - I love it.
Shadowfeet - Brooke Fraser
This one maybe isn't necessarily fall-ish and definitely isn't spooky. But it's one of my top songs of the year - and I still love love love it.
Autumn in New York - Harry Connick Jr.
I should go to New York in the fall sometime.
Time Warp - Marching Illini
A cover from the Rocky Horror Picture Shop (which I've only ever seen clips from) - more marching band.
In the Hall of the Mountain King - Grieg
This one has lots of sentimental value. I have memories of listening to this in my kindergarten music class. I tried to pass it on to future generations a while back, with humorous results. ("I saw Mike Myers - and he was CHASIN' me!")
Defying Gravity - Wicked
I love Wicked. And this is my favorite song. I may look weird singing at the top of my lungs in my car - but I don't care one bit.
Imperial March - Marching Illini
What is Hip? - Marching Illini
This maybe takes me into gratuitous marching band territory. It's not spooky - it's just one of my favorites.
The Sorcerer's Apprentice - Dukas - Philadelphia Orchestra
This is the longest piece on the mix - it's probably familiar to most as the music from the Disney movie, "Fantasia." We played it in college - and it was so so so much fun.

It may be one of those mixes that has more personal attachments to me than to other people.

(Josh and I have been re-listening to the previous years' Christmas mixes - and I've already started on this year's. Very exciting, the mix CDs.)

You both comfort me and disturb my complacency

2008-07-28T12:40:00.004-05:00

Great prayer from today's Midday Office:

O God, you both comfort me and disturb my complacency through your Spirit. May I recognize the blind, the lame and the prisoner in the circumstances of my life, and understand my call to proclaim the good news to the poor. I ask this through Jesus who is my way, my truth and my life. Amen.

Willow Wrap-Up

2008-06-13T17:49:00.004-05:00

This morning we attended the concluding 2 sessions of the Arts Conference. It was an awesome morning. Our whole team was a little sleepy throughout the day, but the 2 speakers today were some of the best of the conference (I think).

Kendall Payne did a short conference. I haven't heard much from her recently, but really enjoyed her songs. She did bust out "Supermodels" - which was fun. I think my favorite song was one called, "Prayer." I need to look up the lyrics/look for it on iTunes.

Dr. Richard Allen Farmer spoke and gave a tour inside the artist's brain. He quoted Harold Best's book "Unceasing Worship" twice - which is one of my favorite books on worship. He challenged artists to be craftsmen/women with words. As he concluded, he challenged us to let serious theological thought inform our art. Really great.

The final session had another worship set led by the Willow team. Then Francis Chan spoke. It was my personal highlight of the conference.

(Edit: I'm posting this even though I never really finished my thoughts.)

Willow Day #2

2008-06-12T23:17:00.002-05:00

Another good day at Willow - this one started and finished strong (with some extreme randomness in the middle). It was breakout day - which is always a little scary. I try to go into it with low expectations - only because my experience at most conferences (including Willow) is that breakout sessions are hit and miss. That...was the case today.

Some notes from the "hits" -

Breakout #1: "A Biblical Model for Worship and the Arts" - Ross Parsley

Even though Daniel teased me about attending this class (something about already having a degree in that area) - I am glad I went to this one. I'd heard Ross Parsley at a conference last summer, and I really appreciated his approach to ministry. I think I'd also written something on previous arts conference evaluations about needing something like this; they made it a main breakout, so I felt like it would be a good one to support. I was not disappointed.

While it is not easy to cover such a big topic in one workshop, I thought his big ideas were really solid and challenging. His first big idea is that God is the initiator - and we respond. That overarching idea will shape the way we approach worship. It won't be something that we feel like we control - but rather, as worship leaders, we'll strive to be usable by God in the action that He is ultimately responsible for. (Sidenote to myself: I think that also affects the content of what we plan for corporate worship - if we present God's Word, God's action - people have something to respond to.)

He issued a challenge to evaluate how we spend our time preparing to lead worship with our teams. Rehearsal/developing skill is important, but without a biblical foundation of why we're doing what we're doing - it's not balanced.

He described a worship ministry pyramid - one that many ministries have upside down.

This was his suggested structure -

Skill

Tradition

Personality

Musical Style

Organizational Structure

Ministry Philosophy

Biblical Principles

While I don't know about all the order of the middle of the pyramid, it's hard to argue with the foundation. His recommendation was to look at the team prep time for a worship service - and to spend half the time in rehearsal and half in training about biblical principles. "If we're not careful, we can communicate that skills, songs, etc. are the important thing."

He issued a challenge to teach people stories/Biblical examples of sacrificial praise.,,and to challenge ourselves and them to a sacrificial view of worship.

There was lots more here, but those were my highlights. Good stuff.

I'm going to skip the middle breakouts, and jump to...

Breakout #4: Creativity in Action - Willow Creek Community Church

This session involved viewing a handful of recent creative pieces from Willow. They had 2 programming people talk about their process. I really appreciated the combination of excellent creativity paired with spiritual content. It was refreshing.

They talked about how they have intentionally moved away from fictionalized drama to incorporate more real-life stories/testimonies. I believe their phrase was "the democratization of services." I have seen this to be really effective in our services. I appreciated someone in the class who asked them how they find stories in the congregation to tell. Their answer sounded a lot like what we've had to do: ask the people who naturally connect with people and are likely to have heard peoples' stories.

Another concept in their brainstorming process is "the third choice" (which came from improv comedy). Often the first idea that comes to your mind is the most obvious; the second will be slightly better; however, if you push yourself to pause and think a little bit more, often the next idea will be even better - and more unexpected.

One final tidbit - one of their writers shared how the more detail you put into a story, the more people resonate with it. She phrased it: "universality in specificity."

Tonight we stayed for the Film Festival - which showcased a variety of videos made by churches around the country. Hard to describe it all - but some really cool ideas. I was not surprised to see the humor videos from CCC win big. The grand prize was "Serving Back" - their spoof of a Justin Timberlake song about random acts of kindness. If you've never seen it, here's your chance.

Maybe later I'll have some time to articulate some of the other thoughts that have been brewing today.

Willow Arts Conference

2008-06-11T22:29:00.002-05:00

I'm a person who gets excited by traditions. It helps me to have things to look foward to and gives a sense of rhythm to life.

Right now I'm in the middle of my mid-June tradition: attending the Willow Creek Arts Conference (it's #6 in a row for me - crazy). I look forward to being able to worship not up front, see new creative ideas, to be challenged, and to spend extra time with the people I serve alongside.

We just completed day 1 of the conference. It was my goal to blog while here; I think I'm going to do bullet points today (I am sick. again. and medicated.).

The first session opened with a drumline - loved their high energy.
The opening worship & teaching session was nourishing to my soul. The worship leaders led us really well - very authentic and just a great chance to focus on Who God is and what he's done for us. I loved how expressively Scripture was incorporated. Nancy Beach walked us through Psalm 40 devotionally. Most challenging quote: "If we're not careful, we will do ministry more from memory than from imagination." She also briefly addressed the changes Willow's making to their worship services (re-vamping Wednesday nights and then making Sunday morning seeker-friendly, but a worship service for all stages of believers/seekers). It made me want to hear more about that - because that? Is a pretty big deal.
I had my standard Willow conference snack break of Diet Pepsi and Cheez-its. Stellar.
Session 2 wins the random award. Opened with a 14-year-old violinist who was incredible. Then Eric Bramlett from CCC and another guy hosted a Rock Band competition. It was entertaining, though - random. Then Nancy Beach interviewed one of the founders of Cirque du Soleil. One of our team members mentioned that they would have liked to hear more from him; it was a rather short interview. The last question asked of him was, "why are the arts important?" He responded along the lines that humans are unique from other animals in their desire to create and imagine. I couldn't help but connect that to the idea that we're made in God's image - and God is the ultimate Creator.
The afternoon session featured the Robbie Seay Band leading worship. It was cool to hear them live - I have both albums of theirs. I enjoyed them, though I will confess, I closed my eyes and rested for part of it.
As soon as I heard Brian McLaren was speaking, I was anticipating that I would be challenged/stretched/etc. I expected some challenging of traditional theological concepts and models of church. He spoke mostly from his most recent book, "Everything Must Change" - about how the church needs to address the biggest needs in the world. It ended up being less controversial than I anticipated, but rather a good reminder of the concept of holistic spirituality. There were several cool stories/creative ideas woven into that session that I appreciated. This session probably had the most information to chew on/things that challenged me. They had a few people who are involved in fair trade speak - it's pretty challenging to think about the impact of our spending choices on people around the world.
Our team shared a lovely evening of PF Changs, a big mall (with a Cubs store that made Josh very excited), and causing a rucus playing the telephone story game at La Quinta.

Family Near & Far

2008-06-09T00:00:00.002-05:00

It is unmistakeably summer - it's warm, muggy, and the summer events are officially underway! 2008 holds an exceptionally high number of significant events and cool opportunities for people in my family (immediate & extended).

My sister, Rebekah, is doing an internship in Manhattan with a church plant (aka "living the dream"). She's been there a couple weeks now, and she is blogging at www.whereyoulead-rebekah.blogspot.com. She's an awesome woman with a big heart for God and what He's doing around the world, she's a talented artist, and I'm super proud of her.

Also, my cousin Tim and his wife, Alicia, are spending 2 months working with the urban poor in Nairobi, Kenya (with the organization that our church has been working with over the last year and a half). They're also blogging - www.thestewartsinafrica.blogspot.com.

I'm amazed at how the internet allows us to keep up with what's happening all over the world!

Up next: my grandparent's 60th anniversary party next weekend. Sneak preview: some slideshows that the Sandels put together with pictures from their life together. It is humbling to see their example of faithfulness and love.

Worth Capturing

2008-05-13T17:53:00.005-05:00

A couple photos from the past weekend - rather random, but they were interesting enough for me to want to document photographically:

Josh and I went to Monticello to meet Jeremy for engagement pictures. It was a really nice day, and I'll be excited to see how they turned out! After the pictures, we figured we were too close to Champaign-Urbana to pass up some of our favorite places to eat.

We had some Mexican food at Dos Reales - and Josh was apparently feeling the Illini spirit from being back in the land of our alma mater:

On Sunday night, we were able to have my brother Josh and his fiance Jenna over to our new house. Jenna got the tour - and being the good hosts we are - we offered some generic soda to our guests. Unfortunately, the 3 liter had been dropped and none of us were able to open it. However, Josh and Jenna are not the type to walk away in the face of a challenge.

After several attempts to open it by force, they decided to try a knife:

(Spear is in the background - either encouraging the use of a knife to open a bottle of soda - or enjoying his bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. You decide.)

After much effort, the soda was able to be enjoyed. It did have to be poured by squeezing it through a coin-sized slot in the top of the lid. Josh & Jenna:1, Generic Soda: 0

The Wonder of the Internets

2008-05-06T18:14:00.002-05:00

I love the internets. Don't you? What would like be like without it?

Here are some things I have appreciated lately about the world wide web:

Last weekend, we moved all of Josh's stuff into the new house - and the really large items from my apartment moved as well. We had great help from friends, so it was not as intense as it could have been (says the person who did not carry anything heavy).
Anyways.
I tried to do my best to get everything ready for people to move them. I waited on the washer/dryer, however, because we wanted to do a few last loads before it left. So, on Saturday morning, I realized I had never unhooked a washer/dryer. Nice boys set it up for me, and they were not there to tell me what to do.
Guess who was there for me? You got it. Google. (On my little Palm Centro!) With the help of the internets, I was able to unhook the washer with only minimal water in my basement. I know I was impressed.
In my job, I have to find lots and lots of ideas/songs/readings/videos/creative things. Every week. The longer I plan worship services, the fewer original ideas I have, and the less I feel bad about looking around for ideas from other churches. There are a couple church blogs that post things from their worship services that I have found really helpful lately. (Quick disclaimer: I always want to plan our worship services with a sensitive, pastoral understanding of our local body. Just because something works somewhere else doesn't mean it should automatically be plugged in here. All I'm saying is that seeing other worship planners' creative process is usually a good thing for my creative brain.)
Here are a couple cool sites and cool ideas I've found from worship blogs (most of which are linked in my sidebar):
-Dangerous Women Creed - from Willow's Arts Blog
-A recap of some Easter video- from North Point's Blog
-Baggage Video from CCC (which was the inspiration for a piece we did during the Recycled series) - from the Multi-Site Arts page

What about you? Any internet finds?

Psalm 40

2008-04-28T20:42:00.002-05:00

In the midst of my blog browsing this morning, I saw Nancy Beach's post recommending a close read of Psalm 40. (She said she's using this as a basis for her talk at the upcoming Arts Conference.) Lately I've been reading more from the New Living Translation (my eyes and ears are so familiar with the NIV that I'll occasionally gloss over things, so new translations are good for me). When I read this chapter in the NLT today - I was just in awe of what an honest and rich prayer/song this is.

Psalm 40
For the choir director: A psalm of David.

1 I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
and he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along.
3 He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the Lord.

4 Oh, the joys of those who trust the Lord,
who have no confidence in the proud
or in those who worship idols.
5 O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us.
Your plans for us are too numerous to list.
You have no equal.
If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds,
I would never come to the end of them.

6 You take no delight in sacrifices or offerings.
Now that you have made me listen, I finally understand—
you don’t require burnt offerings or sin offerings.
7 Then I said, “Look, I have come.
As is written about me in the Scriptures:
8 I take joy in doing your will, my God,
for your instructions are written on my heart.”

9 I have told all your people about your justice.
I have not been afraid to speak out,
as you, O Lord, well know.
10 I have not kept the good news of your justice hidden in my heart;
I have talked about your faithfulness and saving power.
I have told everyone in the great assembly
of your unfailing love and faithfulness.

11 Lord, don’t hold back your tender mercies from me.
Let your unfailing love and faithfulness always protect me.
12 For troubles surround me—
too many to count!
My sins pile up so high
I can’t see my way out.
They outnumber the hairs on my head.
I have lost all courage.

13 Please, Lord, rescue me!
Come quickly, Lord, and help me.
14 May those who try to destroy me
be humiliated and put to shame.
May those who take delight in my trouble
be turned back in disgrace.
15 Let them be horrified by their shame,
for they said, “Aha! We’ve got him now!”

16 But may all who search for you
be filled with joy and gladness in you.
May those who love your salvation
repeatedly shout, “The Lord is great!”
17 As for me, since I am poor and needy,
let the Lord keep me in his thoughts.
You are my helper and my savior.
O my God, do not delay.

I so relate to the highs and lows that are expressed in this one chapter! Often when I read through the Psalms, I'll try to grab onto one or two phrases that really jump out/resontate/challenge me. Today - it's these:

He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the Lord.
I have not kept the good news of your justice hidden in my heart;
I have talked about your faithfulness and saving power.
I have told everyone in the great assembly
of your unfailing love and faithfulness.

What jumps out at you?

Photo Observations

2008-04-16T21:02:00.005-05:00

I got a sweet camera last year for my birthday - and I'm trying to remember to use it more. I want to document fun memories, I want to try to use it to stretch my creativity, and I want to notice the beautiful things around me. Stretch my artistic abilities...that type of thing...

So I thought I'd share some of my recent shots:

If you can't see the license plate, it says "WYND N GO." I don't really get why you would do this to your car. UNLESS it's an alternative fuel method, in which case, it is GENIUS!

Josh LOVES generic cereal names. It's a favorite activity at the grocery store. Some past favorite finds include: Marshmallow Mateys, Freaky Fruits (which had me laughing hysterically in Schnucks), Cinnamon Toasters, Frosted Mini Spooners, and Crispy Hexagons. Here he is with 2 new finds, Happy Shapes and Tootie Fruities.

And finally, I leave you with my favorite artistic gem:

I think that speaks for itself.

Maybe I should take a photography class....

Signs of spring

2008-04-09T21:30:00.002-05:00

We've been listening to the end of the Cubs game on the radio for several hours,
I've incorrectly guessed what inning it is twice,
and Spear just broke out the rally cap.

Ahhhhh, baseball season....

Album Review: In Christ Alone - Modern Hymns of Worship - Bethany Dillon & Matt Hammitt

2008-04-08T17:29:00.003-05:00

I mentioned this album a few posts back, but I'd like to give it a quick review.

In Christ Alone - Modern Hymns of Worship by Bethany Dillon & Matt Hammitt
This is an interesting project - it's a worship project where 2 artists (Bethany Dillon and Matt Hammit, of Sanctus Real) cover worship songs written by other musicians. What drew my attention was their choice of songs - a number of the modern hymns that have been written by the likes of Stuart Townend, Tim Hughes, and Matt Maher. They're some really solid worship songs...in fact, I'd argue that they have some of the richest lyrics of the worship songs being written today. So why re-record them? Some songs, like "In Christ Alone" have been very widely sung by congregations and covered by lots of artists. However, the majority of the songs on this album are not as widely-known or sung.

Two things stand out when I listen to this album: first, the powerful lyricism/excellent song-writing and second, creative musical production. It's a great combination. Not all of the arrangements were done with congregational singing in mind...but that doesn't diminish my appreciation for the album. It has already been one that I've worshipped with in my car.

Stand-out tracks for me:

"Clinging to the Cross"
"Jesus is Lord"
"The Wonder of the Cross"

(I will say that a few songs fall short - the children's chorus in "God of Justice" and "Adoration")

It's probably not an album for everyone, but if you're interested in worship music that sounds a bit different that most recent albums, I recommend giving this one a listen. (I'm not going to lie - having some worship music in a female vocal range is one of my favorite things. Self-centered as it may be, it's true.)

Other recent albums I've been listening to:

Great God Who Saves - Laura Story
Live from Las Vegas - Central Worship
Spring EP - Jon Foreman
Me and You and the World - Dave Barnes

Things that make me smile this Monday

2008-03-31T19:30:00.002-05:00

My mood has resembled the weather lately (gloomy)...but I have much to be grateful for. An assorted (but not all-inclusive) sampling:

I don't often blog about church stuff here. However. We had a great kickoff to our church's series (Recycled) yesterday. I get really excited about the idea that the same power that brought Jesus back from the dead can work to put people's lives back together (Romans 8). We started a blog for people to share their Recycled stories throughout the series - and I'm already encouraged to hear stories from people in our church who have experienced God's transforming power in their lives. Amazing.
Josh was mentioning that I should blog about him more. I am always grateful for him....but today, I have to say I'm thankful for how he loves my family. Yesterday my grandparents came to see his school's production of The Wizard of Oz. He found seats for them early (so Granny could sit down) and took great care of them. My grandparents also may like him more than they like me. He can sing the French national anthem with Granny and play Rhapsody in Blue for Gramps. How can I compete with that??
(Oh, and since today is opening day, Go Cubbies! This is our year!)
I had some really fun horn lessons tonight. I've taught lessons for a long time now, and sometimes it's fun - sometimes it's work. All of my students tonight were really excited about playing - and they're doing really well. My 4th grade student made me a picture (it says "I :heart: french horn" with a picture of a horn. My 8th grade student brought me Starbucks. Horn lessons rock!
I am in need of new music (which is really just an ongoing need in my life). Fortunately tonight, I just found a Jon Foreman (of Switchfoot fame) EP, Spring...and I really like it. Any other springtime music recommendations for me?

Letters

2008-03-28T14:08:00.002-05:00

Dear Comcast,

I am not a customer of yours, and yet you are messing with me. Why? You bought out Insight; congratulations. However, now 80% of my email contacts are changing their addresses. I receive an estimated 4.7 emails every day from people changing their address. It's most definitely NOT comcastic.

Signed,
My More-Full-than-Normal Inbox

Dear Reeses,

You know how much I love the peanut butter and chocolate combination. Every fall I am excited when I see the peanut butter pumpkins appear in my local Walgreens aisles. The yummy treats have a higher peanut butter to chocolate ratio than your average cup and are basically heavenly. (Scientific analysis is available here.) In the months that follow I can find Reese's trees, Reese's hearts, and Reese's eggs. However, now that all of the candy holidays have passed, I am left with a Reese's shaped hole in my life. It's no wonder the church calendar calls this "ordinary time." I'm left wandering the Walgreens aisles alone and wanting to petition for Reese's flowers, Reese's flags...SOMETHING for the months of May through August. My waist-line thanks you for the break, but my heart will always be true to you.

See You in September,
Weight Watcher in Withdrawl

from this morning's hours...

2008-03-20T16:48:00.004-05:00

I'm not super-disciplined in praying the hours - but I wanted to make a point of trying more during Holy Week. This morning's was pretty amazing...here are some selections and thoughts...

Maundy Thursday - The Morning Office

The Refrain
Do not let your hearts be troubled. You trust in God, trust also in me.

This Psalm is one that reminds me of how God's people throughout thousands of years have made telling the important stories a high priority - and it reminds me of what we do during Holy Week as Christians.

The Morning Psalm
Hear my teaching, O my people; incline your ears to the words of my mouth.
I will open my mouth in a parable; I will declare the mysteries of ancient times.
That which we have heard and known, and what our forefathers have told us, we will not hide from their children.
We will recount to generations to come the praiseworthy deeds and the power of the LORD, and the wonderful works he has done.
He gave his decrees to Jacob and established a law for Israel, which he commanded them to teach their children;
That the generations to come might know, and the children yet unborn; that they in their turn might tell it to their children;
So that they might put their trust in God, and not forget the deeds of God, but keep his commandments;
And not be like their forefathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation whose heart was not steadfast, and whose apirit was not faithful to God.
Psalm 78:1-8

The Refrain
Do not let your hearts be troubled. You trust in God, trust also in me.

I don't know if Jesus prayed the Lord's Prayer with his disciples in the upper room or when he was praying in the garden - but in that context, the words from that prayer are striking.

The Lord's Prayer
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be your Name.
May your kingdom come, and your will be done, on earth as in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil;
for yours are the kingdom and the power and the glory
forever and ever. Amen.

The Refrain
Do not let your hearts be troubled. You trust in God, trust also in me.

The Prayer Appointed for the Week
Almighty God, who through your only-begotten Son Jesus Christ overcame death and opened to us the gate of everlasting life: Grant that I, who celebrate with joy the day of the Lord's resurrection, may be raised from the death of sin by your life-giving Spirit; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen

may i never lose the wonder

2008-03-18T17:57:00.002-05:00

Found this song today - and it's kicking my butt. (I downloaded 2 versions - both are good. One's from an album by Bethany Dillon and Matt Hammitt; I ordered the album - and may do a review when it comes. The other's by the author, Vicky Beeching.)

It is so so so easy to get familiar with the story of Christ and treat it casually. I didn't intend to post song lyrics 2 days in a row, but this is SO my prayer today (except it's more articulate than I could be).

O precious sight, my Savior stands,
Dying for me with outstretched hands.
O precious sight, I love to gaze,
Remembering salvation’s day,
Remembering salvation’s day.
Though my eyes linger on this scene,
May passing time and years not steal
The power with which it impacts me,
The freshness of its mystery,
The freshness of its mystery.

May I never lose the wonder,
The wonder of the cross.
May I see it like the first time
Standing as a sinner lost,
Undone by mercy and left speechless,
Watching wide eyed at the cost.
May I never lose the wonder,
The wonder of the cross.

Behold the God-man crucified,
The perfect sinless sacrifice.
As blood ran down those nails and wood,
History was split in two, yes,
History was split in two.

Behold the empty wooden tree,
His body gone, alive and free.
We sing with everlasting joy,
For sin and death have been destroyed, yes,
Sin and death have been destroyed.

May I never lose the wonder,
The wonder of the cross.
May I see it like the first time
Standing as a sinner lost,
Undone by mercy and left speechless,
Watching wide eyed at the cost.
May I never lose the wonder,
The wonder of the cross.

May I never lose the wonder,
The wonder of the cross.
May I see it like the first time
Standing as a sinner lost,
Undone by mercy and left speechless,
Watching wide eyed at the cost.
May I never lose the wonder,
The wonder of the cross.
- Vicky Beeching

write me into your story

2008-03-17T17:50:00.002-05:00

It's Holy Week (aka the week leading up to Easter) - and I want to try to walk through this week with an active awareness of Christ's final week on earth. I didn't do much with the church calendar growing up...and so I have been rather interested in it over the past few years. While there are some seasons in the church year that are somewhat manufactured (though still valuable), remembering Holy Week seems to be the oldest and most important of Christian calendar traditions.

Seeing life as an interaction between God's Story and my story is a powerful idea to me.

Jesus
They say You walked upon the water once
When you lived as all men do
Please teach me how to walk the way You did
Because I want to walk with You

Jesus
They say you taught a lame man how to dance
When he had never stood without a crutch
Well, here am I Lord, holding out my withered hands
And I'm just waiting to be touched

Jesus
Write me into Your story
Whisper it to me
And let me know I'm Yours

Jesus
They say You spoke and calmed an angry wave
That was tossed across a stormy sea
Please teach me how to listen, how to obey
'Cause there's a storm inside of me

Jesus
Write me into Your story
Whisper it to me
And let me know I'm Yours

Jesus
They drove the cold nails through Your tired hands
And rolled a stone to seal Your grave
Feels like the devil's rolled a stone onto my heart
Can You roll that stone away?
-Rich Mullins

Promises promises

2008-02-25T18:23:00.002-06:00

I have a ridiculous sweet tooth. I can pass up lots of salty snacks without much turmoil - but put something sweet in front of me and it's all over.

One of my favorite small treats is Dove dark chocolate. Occasionally I like the dark chocolate covered almonds. But the standard is Dove dark chocolate Promises. They're just the right size to have something small after lunch (just 1! or maybe 2!). My Granny keeps them at her house - and often they can be found at my parents. I like the Dove brand better than Hershey's for sure. However.

The people who make these feel the need to put cute little sayings inside the wrappers (hence the term, promises). At first, I found this fun - like fortune cookies!

I changed my mind however, when I ran across this one several months ago: "Chocolate always loves you back." Are you serious?? There are so many things wrong with someone putting that inside dark chocolate - that I don't know where to start.

If I were a stronger person, I might boycott the product until they improve their sayings. I just don't think I can do that.

Here's a sampling of today's "promises":

Listen to your heartbeat and dance.
That...would be a weird dance. And I'm in my office. No thanks.
Flirting is mandatory.
Says who? Are you going to come make me? And again...I'm at the office. That is not allowed.
Get your feet massaged.
Now you're talking...

(Yeah - so that was 3 pieces. But it's Monday!)

A Scene from the Malebox

2008-02-06T21:15:00.001-06:00

Earlier this evening at the malebox

Spear: Want to find out your Sawyer nickname?
Me: My what?
Spear: Your Sawyer nickname. Mine is Rerun.
Me: Okay
Spear: It's "Moonbeam"
Me: What? That's dumb. It's a hippy name
Josh Stewart: Or your Native-American name
Me: Try my new (married) name - see if that's any better
Spear: Lots of laughing It's "Short Pants!"
Even more laughter from the boys
Me: No one better call me that.

A few minutes later
Lewis: Well, I'd better go. I'll see you all later. Bye, Short Pants.
Me: DO NOT call me that.
Lewis: You can call me "Quickie"
Me: No. No I will not call you that. Ever.

(Do not call me Short Pants.)

My Choice for Best Picture

2008-02-06T19:39:00.000-06:00

I see a decent amount of movies each year - though most of them are the popular/blockbuster ones (rather than critics-choice/artsy types).

I'll admit, I haven't seen any of the Oscar nominees for Best Picture (though I really want to see "Juno"). Actually, now that I look through the full list of nominations, I've only seen 3 of the nominated films. I saw the 3rd "Pirates" movie, "Enchanted," and - my favorite film of 2007
- "Ratatouille."

I was on CNN.com tonight and saw this article about it - "Was 'Ratatouille' Ripped Off in Oscar Race?" There's no doubt in my mind, this is not a movie made with kids in mind. Don't get me wrong, it's clean - but the main subject matter is a little more nuanced/sophisticated than your average animated movie. I think it was a beautiful film - but more than that, it had amazing things to say about being an artist. I loved it SO MUCH.

Here's a quote from the article (from a NY Times critic):
"a nearly flawless piece of popular art, as well as one of the most persuasive portraits of an artist ever committed to film"

So the question remains - why isn't one of the highest-grossing AND critically-acclaimed movies of the year up for the big prize?

What do you think? Could an animated film ever win best picture? (And besides "Juno," are there any other Oscar nominated films that I'm missing out on?)

Snow Day!

2008-02-01T11:05:00.000-06:00

I'll confess - yesterday I said that all I wanted was for the snow to miss us. (We ended up with ~11 inches)

However, my day inside has been rather nice so far - probably because I have nowhere to go. I made myself CoCo Wheats this morning. (This is a family favorite on cold days - my mom would make it when she was trying to get us out of bed.)

It seems like a good time to catch up on all the things I thought about blogging but haven't gotten around to yet.

My friend Chris is now blogging. Chris is a friend, a co-worker, an Illini fan, an artist, a fellow anti-condimentarian, and a junior high minister. I'm looking forward to reading his blog. Check out this video he posted this week - People in Order

As Chris mentioned, my Nana turned 100 years old last weekend. She is amazing. We got a chance to celebrate (a few weeks early) in December. She was so happy - and she really enjoyed her cake!

This summer is going to be a crazy one for my family. Josh and I are getting married July 12th - and my brother Josh is getting married not too long after that (they haven't set a date yet). Big fun!

New Worship Music

2008-01-23T19:50:00.000-06:00

Now that Christmas is a distant memory and I have put away the Christmas music for at least a few months, I need some new, fresh worship music.

I will share one quick recommendation - Laura Story (best known for writing "Indescribable") is coming out with an album in March (which I'm very excited about). I got to hear her speak and lead worship at a conference last summer - and it was definitely a highlight. She's a worship leader at a church in Georgia; it's refreshing to see someone who's clearly about leading a church in worship above performing. Anyways, she has an EP on iTunes right now, which includes a song we're going to introduce this Sunday congregationally - "Mighty to Save." Check it out.

So does anyone have any worship music recommendations for me?

Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone

2007-12-10T17:10:00.000-06:00

This past week there has been no doubt that winter has arrived in central Illinois. It has already been an eventful one - Josh and I were driving through the snow last Thursday night and lots of church events were cancelled yesterday because of the ice.

I have a love/hate relationship with winter weather. I hate that it slows me down (having to scrape the car, making road conditions questionable - and thereby affecting my plans). But...once I've slowed down...I usually realize that it isn't so bad. In fact, sometimes it's a blessing to be forced into a slower pace.

This weekend as I've been driving, I've been amazed by what ice does - how it attaches itself to literally everything. Yesterday, I realized that it had somehow attached itself to individual blades of grass. I don't remember ever seeing this before (though I'm sure it's not uncommon)! How is it that huge trees have branches fall because of the weight of the ice - and yet individual blades of grass can be covered with a protective coating of ice. It's as though someone came with a wand and froze things instantly. It's totally fascinating and distracting to me! I was at a stoplight this morning near church, and there were several tufts of grass sticking out of the sidewalk that were covered. They looked like little icy sea creatures!

I had some fun yesterday experimenting with my new camera attempting to capture some of these wild images. (I'm no photographer, but the artist in me enjoys trying to see the world through a unique lens.)

YouTube Moments

2007-12-07T18:29:00.000-06:00

I know lots of YouTube links get forwarded around, but there are a few that I found worth sharing.

First, I'm super excited about the Kenya projects our church has been able to participate in lately. As a follow-up to their trip, my friend Chris made some videos to show his junior high students. I watched them this past week in my office, and I was a mess.

Here's one that talks about what life is like for junior high age kids in Nairobi. The interviews with the kids at the end just floor me.
Here's a two-part piece that shows what the junior high kids' summer fundraising project was able to accomplish. (We're showing a short clip from this in our worship services this weekend.)

Second, a video from the Worship Arts team at Community Christian in Naperville about slowing down. I'm convinced that some of the best ideas are the most simple.

Songs for Advent, Christmas, and Winter

2007-11-21T14:24:00.000-06:00

Most of you who know me know I love Christmas music. You also probably know I love making the mix CDs. Last year I made a mix and gave it to a handful of friends, and I was pretty happy with it. Here is the track listing with some explanations (that I wrote when I made it last year):

Songs for Advent, Winter, and Christmas
The themes of waiting & watching for the light have been really present in my thoughts this Advent season so far. I grew up in a church background that doesn’t celebrate Advent – so I’ve been discovering this season of waiting/anticipation over the past few years. It’s a really mysterious thing – to live in this place in time that we both know that Christ has come but will come again once & for all.

“But you aren’t in the dark about these things, dear brothers and sisters, and you won’t be surprised when the day of the Lord comes like a thief.
For you are all children of the light and of the day; we don’t belong to darkness and night.
So be on your guard, not asleep like the others. Stay alert and be clearheaded.
Night is the time when people sleep and drinkers get drunk.
But let us who live in the light be clearheaded, protected by the armor of faith and love, and wearing as our helmet the confidence of our salvation.
For God chose to save us through our Lord Jesus Christ, not to pour out his anger on us.
Christ died for us so that, whether we are dead or alive when he returns, we can live with him forever.
So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”
1 Thessalonians 5:4-11 (NLT)

"O Come All Ye Faithful" – Rich Mullins
Rich Mullins ranks as possibly my all time favorite songwriter. Ever. This song is from the album “Here in America” which is a bunch of tracks that were never officially released. I love the emotion of Rich’s piano playing here (usually I play air piano when I listen to it). And even though it’s just him & a piano – it sounds huge. Love it.
"O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" – Sufjan Stevens
Yeah, he’s a little weird. But he creates music that sounds cool & organic. And I really like all of his Christmas stuff.
"Prepare a Place" – Christine Dente’ w/ Michael W. Smith
This is from a Rocketown collection from a few years back. It reminds me of a Taize’ style worship song – repetitive for a purpose.
"O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" – Steven Curtis Chapman
I love this arrangement. It’s hard to write new music to such a familiar text, but I think one does a great job.
"Anthem for Christmas" – Michael W. Smith
The 1989 MWS Christmas album is my family’s all-time Christmas favorite. There’s lots of orchestra/boys choir – and very little MWS. This album is what the Christmas season sounds like to me.
"A Great Light" – Kendall Payne
This uses 2 texts from Isaiah that I love (chapters 9 & 60 I think). The song is new to me this year – but I really really dig it. It’s from a collection by Don Chaffer from Waterdeep (Songs from the Voice).
"The Glorious Impossible" – Carl Cartee
We used this in our Christmas services at church last year. It’s a fun one to sing congregationally – and I think it’s important to tell the whole story of Jesus at Christmas. This song does a good job of that.
"It Came Upon a Midnight Clear" – Jim Brickman
Simple, piano – can’t go wrong.
"No Eye Had Seen" – Amy Grant/Michael W. Smith
This track with the next one are my favorites from the 1989 MWS album
"All is Well" – Michael W. Smith
"Jesus Born on this Day" – Mariah Carey
I love the kids choir in this song – so real! And believe it or not, she wrote this. Something about Christmas brings out the class in everyone…
"Hark, the Herald Angels Sing" – Charlie Brown Christmas
Simply nostalgia
"Joy to the World" – Whitney Houston
This may be one of my most favorite re-makes of a Christmas song – ever. It’s from The Preacher’s Wife soundtrack. I love the gospel choir, the brass, and the energy. I usually bounce up and down – with soul – while listening. (Sometimes I listen to it when it’s not Christmas.)
"I Saw Three Ships" – Sufjan Stevens
A Christmas song you don’t hear all the time, performed by a wide variety of instruments.
"Stille Nacht" – The King’s Singers
I think it’s really pretty in German. I’m sorry if the volume is at different levels for the choral tracks – but I couldn’t resist them…
"Christmas Hymn" – Amy Grant
When I was a little girl I wanted to grow up to be Amy Grant. (Though I’m not crazy about her voice here, I really like the song itself.) This is another song that tells the whole Story.
"Here With Us" – Joy Williams
This is one we’re using this Christmas Eve at church. I first heard it a year ago at the Willow Creek Christmas service. At the Hallelujahs, there were dancers – and it was one of those moments when the truth & beauty of the whole thing just “got me.” I was a bawling mess.
"Noel" – Millikin University
Millikin is a small college near where I live. They have incredible choirs & every year they have a Vespers service in early December. Most of the evening is really reverent, but this is a guys piece they did the first year I went. It’s much cooler live – but still pretty fun.
"We Three Kings" – Jose Luis Madueno y Ricardo Silvas
An arrangement I found this year while I was looking for world Christmas music
"Main Title from Home Alone" – John Williams
I am not the biggest John Williams fan – but his score totally makes this movie.
"Song for a Winter’s Night" – Sarah McLachlan
I love Sarah McLachlan – I got this on a compilation CD a few years back. It’s very wintery and romantic I think….
"Winter Wonderland" – Harry Connick, Jr.
From the When Harry Met Sally soundtrack – it’s fun

I am working diligently on a new mix for this year - it's coming along. (If you haven't received this Christmas mix, let me know...I may be able to work something out.) I promise to update on the 07 version very soon.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

The Other Side of the World

2007-11-09T17:15:00.000-06:00

As I mentioned previously, my best friends are in Africa right now. During their trip they've been blogging about some of their experiences, and I have loved reading their stories. This one about a woman named Elizabeth was incredible. It humbles me that God allows us to partner with Him to help people. I encourage you to check out their stories - and to pray for what God's doing in Nairobi, Kenya.

A Combination of Intended Posts

2007-11-05T19:52:00.001-06:00

I keep meaning to blog. Honest. I just haven't gotten around to it. So, here is the Cliff Notes version of the things that I've been meaning to blog about.

My best friend Melissa (and her husband Chris) are on a trip to Africa. I miss them a lot. I'm excited to hear more about their trip since they're visiting the neighborhood in Kenya that our church is involved with through CMF. They've really wanted to take a trip like this for a while, so I'm glad they're getting to do it. I'm only moderately jealous of their travel (which is an improvementfor me). Also, I miss them (well, mostly Melissa...sorry Chris).

Melissa got me a book for my birthday to keep me company. It's "The Year of Living Biblically" by AJ Jacobs. (If you're not familiar, it's the journey of a guy who tries to live the Bible as literally as possible for one year; he's not religious, but he is very funny.) I've been reading it like it's Harry Potter. It's very funny...and thoughtful about spirituality at the same time. I wish my blog could have his sense of humor.
It should be no surprise, but I have been LOVING the weather lately. Fall is nice because I'm happy if it's sunny, and I'm happy if it's raining. A few weekends ago, I had a glorious trip to Indiana for the Covered Bridge Festival where I was introduced to persimmon pudding. I have heard about this dessert quite a bit, and I was rather skeptical. (It doesn't sound good for some reason.) Fortunately, I thought it was awesome.

The book of Habakkuk is really great. I've read it several times over the last few weeks, and if you're not familiar with it I recommend it.

I've been trying to plan Christmas worship services lately - it's a good thing I don't mind listening to Christmas music all year long!

Okay...I think I'm caught up for now. I'll share a picture - and then I'm out.

Links of Joy...and Joyness

2007-10-18T17:20:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd share some interesting - yet thouroughly random links.

An article about what Sufjan Stevens is up to lately: a symphonic piece about the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway.

An interview with a Major League Baseball pitcher about his struggle to follow Christ.

This last link requires a bit of set-up:
Last summer, a bunch of my friends were highly entertained by a certain YouTube cartoon (involving unicorns, obnoxious repetition, and stolen kidneys) called Charlie and Candy Mountain. We were all pretty sure about 2 things: first, that this cartoon was made by guys with too much time on their hands and also that I was always completely irritated by the whole thing. However, today, I was reading about Heaven (for the upcoming worship series) and I came across THIS. Stunning. If anyone wants to explore how the creators of Charlie may have been actually commenting on the afterlife while making literary references to Orwell...go for it.

Take Take a Cha-Chance

2007-10-16T17:57:00.000-05:00

I frequently get songs stuck in my head, and usually it irritates me. However, today I decided to give in to it and see what would happen. See, last week's episode of "The Office" had a great scene with Andy asking Angela out by singing "Take a Chance on Me" to her - it was probably my favorite part of the episode. Then, I was in a store this week and heard ABBA's version of the same song playing in the background. After that, the song was stuck in my head. So, I decided to download it on iTunes. And let me tell you, it still cracks me up! (My favorite is the opening with the backing vocals singing "take a chance, take a chance, take take a cha-chance...") So far I've listened to it 12 or 13 times today, and I'm not tired of it yet.

Fall in a cup

2007-09-24T20:46:00.000-05:00

While central Illinois is still figuring out how to have fall weather, I have definitely started enjoying all things FALL! A new treat this fall - apple slush from the Apple Barn in Chatham. I don't know why I've never been to the Apple Barn before this year, but Josh took me a few Saturdays ago. We enjoyed looking around at the homemade food (and fudge!) and various fall items. We bought several food items to try (which were very good) - but on a whim, decided to try the apple slush. (We had hoped for hot apple cider, but they don't serve it early in the season.)

Let me tell you - apple slush is my new favorite drink. As you can see in the picture, it comes in 2 sizes - $.75 or $1. It is so great. I've had 2 so far this year (and fall is young).

(Yay fall!)

Remembering Rich

2007-09-19T21:23:00.000-05:00

On the 10 year anniversary of his death, I wanted to talk a little bit about Rich Mullins, his influence on my life (musically and spiritually), and share a few lyrics. I'll be honest - I really want to write this entry, but I am intimidated by it - I want to do it justice. Oh well...bear with me as I ramble!

I was introduced to Rich's music by my parents. We always listened to music in the car - and often that meant mix tapes from my dad's friend in Nashville (of 80's CCM - Amy Grant, First Call, Wayne Watson, Larry Bryant, etc.). I think my parents still have the cassette tape of Rich Mullins' first album. When I look over the track list, I can hear every single track, in all of its 80's glory (and I can see my dad bobbing his head and singing along with "Live Right"). Despite some of the cheese in the arrangements, the power in the songwriting is as strong as ever.

Show me someone who makes a difference -
Show me someone who's brave when he needs to be -
I just need to see -
Someone who cares enough that he would risk his life
For the love of what he's come to believe.
But you say that a man like that wouldn't last in a world like this
Well, I believe that the world won't last
If a man like that don't exist

As the years went by, we wore out almost every album released. I am glad I was able to hear him in concert a few times. One was at Six Flags in St. Louis - on a youth group trip (his opening act was Steven Curtis Chapman who had a fabulous mullet at the time). I remember him singing "Screen Door" with the cup trick!

In the summer of '97 (right before my senior year of high school), Rich and the whole Ragamuffin Band did several concerts at a youth conference I was at (CIY). It wasn't a huge conference, and the whole group of musicians was on the campus for a few days. One afternoon, I saw Rich walking across the campus by himself. I worked up enough confidence to go over to him and say, "thanks for your music." (I was a shy kid.) He was really gracious. I've always been glad that I got to see him that summer - to hear his music and to be able to simply thank him.

Random tidbit: Rich Mullins is also how I got into Caedmon's Call. Their cover of "Hope to Carry On" is how I started listening to them.

I vividly remember coming home on September 19th, 1997. I walked in the door, and my dad was watching the evening news. He told me that Rich Mullins had died - and I didn't believe it. The car accident happened on an interstate only an hour or so north of us. It was a horrible accident, and I couldn't believe that he wouldn't be writing or recording anymore. So sad.

During college, Rich continued to be one of my most-listened to artists. His Jesus Record (demos and covers) was released one year after his death, which happened to be when I headed off to college. I listened to that CD a lot. My freshman year roommates called one of the songs "the Jesus-loves-the-whores song." To be fair, the lyric is "the whores all seem to love Him," but I never corrected them. I think it's safe to say Jesus does love the whores.

It's hard for me to pick favorites - but Winds of Heaven...Stuff of Earth and Never Picture Perfect would probably be some of the most solid albums for me. Everyone always says Liturgy, Legacy is the best - and that one is really amazing too. Those other ones just don't get enough love. "Somewhere" (which is what I named my blog from) is what I've always labeled as my favorite song of all time. The aforementioned Jesus record has amazing songwriting too. If you don't know "Hard to Get" - you should.

Rich Mullins was no saint. Nor was he the most amazing musician that ever lived. But I am SO grateful that he wrote music that brought out both the hard and the beautiful parts of life & faith.

Overdressed

2007-08-29T20:29:00.000-05:00

Reasons why I'm excited about Caedmon's Call's newest album, Overdressed, which was released this week:

They've historically been one of my favorite groups. They haven't released an album in a few years. (There have been multiple greatest hits and even a worship album that only kinda count.) I have pretty much been waiting for new stuff since Share the Well.
Derek Webb decided to be a part of the group for this album (writing and musically). I'm really hoping to catch one of their spring tour dates, because (due to really unfortunate timing for several concerts) I never got to see them live when he was in the band the first time around.
Andrew Osenga helped write a lot of the album. I loved his songs on Share the Well - and then got into some of his solo stuff (and Normals stuff). I really dig his songwriting AND his electric guitar/high harmony skills. [If you don't have it already, I really recommend his free downloadable EP - Letters to the Editor, Vol. 1]
Bryan from caedmonscall.net has been liveblogging about the CD release since Monday - and it has been very fun to see/hear. I really like the details about the individual tracks from the CD - and the video clips.
One of the video clips from the LiveBlog: Live Cover of In God's Country

I am enjoying my first 20 or so listens...(it's on in the background at work)...and I may review it later. Right now, I'm just happy to have a new Caedmon's album!

Random Thoughts, Summit Notes, and Links

2007-08-25T15:14:00.000-05:00

In the past few weeks, I have found my free time dominated by marathons of America's Next Top Model. I love TV reality competitions (see: Project Runway, American Idol, and lately Top Chef Miami). This one is super-cheesy AND it involves Tyra Banks (who is so horribly self-obsessed). And yet - I can't seem to get away!
I'm still not over Harry Potter. I can definitely sense the hype dying down, but I'm still excited to read reviews and ponder the full storyline. Here's one review of the 7th book - by Stephen King.
A couple of weeks ago, I was able to attend a satellite site of Willow Creek's Leadership Summit. This is the 2nd year I've gone, and it was excellent. Some highlights:

Marcus Buckingham - My friend Melissa has sung his praises for the past few months, and he definitely did not disappoint. His big idea: putting your strengths to work - to increase the amount of time per day you play to your strengths and to manage around your weaknesses. To really do this, you have to identify your specific strengths. He suggests carrying around a pad of paper with two columns - I loved it & I loathed it. Another assessment is to finish this statement: "I feel strong when ________."
"And the day came when the risk it took to stay in the bud outweighed the risk it took to blossom." -Anais Nin
Colin Powell - He basically listed lots of "Powell Principles" - things that he has learned and implemented as a leader. The ones that stood out to me: Only People Get Things Done - spend a third of your time on the plan and then allow two-thirds for people to carry it out; Reward Your Best Performers/Get Rid of Non-Performers - when things are going poorly, the good performers notice first and are demotivated; Things Always Look Better in the Morning
Richard Curtis - a British filmmaker and activist for human rights causes. This video interview was beautiful and powerful, and I doubt I could really do it justice. I felt bad trying to take notes - I really wanted to just take it in. It was really challenging to see how committed he is (as someone who doesn't have his faith figured out yet - in his words) to telling a better story.
Bill Hybels' final talk on inspiration - that probably deserves its own post, actually...

And finally, a plug for one of the blogs I have linked in the sidebar - The Jesus Creed. It's the blog of Scot McKnight, who wrote one of my favorite books of the summer. It's definitely a theology blog, but he also offers up thoughts and links about a variety of other topics. Here's a link to one of my favorite posts of his: Marriage as Seamless Story. Also, he is a Cubs fan!

Anticipating the Kingdom

2007-08-08T19:53:00.000-05:00

This is from a daily thoughts and reflections devotional from Madeleine L'Engle I'm using right now - and I liked it a lot.

Thy kingdom come. That is what co-creation with our Maker is all about, the coming of the kingdom. Our calling, our vocation, in all we do and are to try to do is to help in the furthering of the coming of the kingdom - a kingdom we do not know and cannot completely understand. We are given enough foretastes of the kingdom to have a reasonable expectation. Being a loved and loving part of the body; praying together; singing together; forgiving and accepting forgiveness; eating together the good fruits of the earth; holding hands around the table as these fruits are blessed, in spontaneous joy and love, all these are foretastes.

Worship Link of the Day

2007-07-30T17:22:00.000-05:00

I've meant to plug the different worship blogs that I have linked, but haven't gotten around to it yet. However, today I added a new one - blog.worship.com. From my first glances, it seems to be a regularly updated site that highlights and links to many other worship blogs. Looks pretty exciting.

But the big reason I'm excited about it is this:
I found a free mp3 download of a new song I heard last week by Laura Story (who wrote "Indescribable"). Here's the link to the download (though they warn that it won't be available forever.)

The song is "Immortal Invisible" - which is obviously inspired by the hymn of the same name. However, it's not a hymn re-write. It basically takes those two words (immortal and invisible) and expounds on them in the verses; the chorus praises God for being the God of forever. It's really easy to learn, so I could see it being really great congregationally. Also, I've been really fixated on the eternal nature of God lately - probably because of the Gloria prayer (Glory be to God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, so it is now and so it shall ever be, world without end. Alleluia. Amen.)

Austin Awards

2007-07-27T16:53:00.001-05:00

As I sit in O'Hare Intl Airport waiting for my delayed flight, reflecting upon a week in the capital city of the Lone Star State, I'd like to thank a few people I got to meet and acknowledge some other things that contributed to a memorable stay in Austin.

Biggest hit to my ego: A tie - Austin's frontage road system AND massive thunderstorms. I have frequently said how much I love navigating new cities, but both of these made me want to take it all back. Honorable mention goes to the guy from the hotel who tried to give me directions when I was very frustrated/on the verge of tears. Sorry about that.

Most consumed beverage on airplanes: Tomato Juice. I never ever drink tomato juice, but apparently I'm the only one. Virtually everyone around me drank this on the flights. Am I missing out? I'm curious...but not curious enough to try it.
Best non-living travel companion: Harry Potter book 7. I read the bulk of the Deathly Hallows on my trip south. I really didn't care about the strange looks from strangers as I laughed, cried, and shook my head as I read it for the first time. I also enjoyed re-reading large chunks of it today on my way home.
Biggest cricket ever: The crickets in Austin. Speaks for itself.
Southern hospitality award: Becky, the stranger who took my friend and I back to our car when we were hopelessly, utterly lost in a park at 10:30pm. When I told you I wished I could repay you somehow, you said to tell people how nice people from Austin are. Becky - I don't know about everyone else in Austin, but YOU. ROCK.

Best local food I tried: Tie - Chuy's and Amy's Ice Cream. To be fair, these were the only 2 local places I had the chance to visit - but they were both super good and very unique.
Austin's best attempt to redeem itself from a week of torrential rain: The huge double rainbow over the hills on Wednesday night. The hills were really pretty, and the rainbow was AWESOME.

Airport I don't want to see again for a long time: Chicago O'Hare. I spent an extra hour there on my way south (though I had Harry Potter to keep me company). So far today, I've been here 3 hours and won't leave for at least another hour.

All in all it's been a memorable week. Here's hoping I'll be home soon!

Notes and Thoughts from the Conference (so far)

2007-07-25T22:29:00.000-05:00

This week I'm in Austin, TX at the National Worship Leaders Conference.

For the sake of sharing and processing, here are some assorted notes, sound-bytes and thoughts presented rather randomly. If something here doesn't have enough context to make sense or you'd like to talk about it more, let me know.

Scotty Smith: "Rather than turning the audience into god, let us turn to God as our audience"
Constant theme for me this summer: authentic worship brings justice and shows mercy in practical ways (see Zechariah 7, Amos 5)
I'm not a big fan of the multitude of moving images behind worship song lyrics - a little goes a long way. I also find that I am paying more attention to the images than the words (and they are rarely syncronized thematically).
Fernando Ortega + string quartet + meditative worship = refreshing
Shaun Groves: Analogy of our old self vs. our new self - It's like having 2 dogs. Which do you feed and which do you starve? This can be a practical self-examination question. If I do this/watch this/say this/etc., which dog am I feeding?
To be authentic as a worship leader, don't ignore your struggles (God's power is made perfect in our weakness)
Ross Parsley: Discipleship happens in doing ministry together (not just over coffee). Purpose bonds people.
Ross Parsley: analogy of worship as coming around the Family Table - when people from multiple generations are there, it shapes what happens. Church shopping is weird because in life, people don't choose their families. We must be concerned about the whole family, not just with what we like.
(More Ross Parsley) Discipleship process:
You Do - They Watch
You Do - They Help
You Help - They Do
You Watch - They Do
Marva Dawn is much better to listen to than to read (so you can see her whole personality & see/hear her heart for God)
Marva Dawn: "I'm not opposed to new songs...if they're theologically sound and musically singable."

There's more I could say - but it's been a tiring week...and tomorrow's the last day of the conference (and it's a full one). Hopefully coming soon: stories from my attempts to navigate Austin.

Midsummer Favorites

2007-07-09T22:43:00.000-05:00

Summer goes FAST. Here are some of my reviews of what I've seen/heard/read this summer (so far - there is still plently of fun to be had).

Movie:
I didn't expect this, but Ratatouille is by far my favorite movie of the summer. I had heard it was good, but I enjoyed it SO. MUCH. If you have seen it, I would love to talk to you about it and see what you thought. If you haven't, then I highly recommend it. I thought it was a beautiful film with a lot to ponder and enjoy. I am not into cuisine/food that much, but I connected to it as an artist quite a bit.
Worship CD:
I got a worship CD from Mars Hill Church in Michigan (where Rob Bell preaches) a few weeks ago. It is a breath of fresh air. It's a recording from a local church - there's lots of spiritually rich content, the music is good and designed for congregational singing, it's fun (lots of different styles), and there are a lot of great original songs. You can listen to it streaming online - and all of the chord charts/lead sheets are available online for free. Great great great.
Book:
This one's harder - because I've started several books - and have finished very few. (I'm still working on Harry Potter - and the Dan Kimball book I mentioned a few posts earlier.) I'm still going to say Orthodoxy by G.K. Chesterton - though I'm not far into it. I've already discovered that Rich Mullins had to have read this book (there are some definitely references to Chesterton in his lyrics).

And while I'm at it, here are some other things I'm excited about lately:

Playing in the municipal band. While this is a major time commitment, it has felt good to get back into the groove of playing with an ensemble. I'm also getting to meet lots of new people. It's amazing to play alongside people who have played their instruments and played in this ensemble for decades. We've played a wide variety of music so far & it's fun to play for the family (grandparents!) and friends who are loyal enough to endure the heat!
The Africa series at church. I knew it would be exciting, but it really is cool to be challenged by what's going on in another part of the world and pray together as a church about how to respond.

Toronto Travel Journal #4

2007-06-27T21:38:00.000-05:00

I really wish I had a more creative format to this whole travel journal, but I am not feeling particularly inspired. My apologies.

Another day in Toronto, another day of shopping and eating!

The girls walked around the University of Toronto - which had some fabulous, old architecture. The forecast today was for rain, but there was barely a cloud in the sky. We took lots of pictures of the campus buildings & definitely hit up the bookstore. Not too far away was an upscale shopping area - Yorkville. The main street had the large, super fancy stores (Tiffanys, Louis Vuitton, etc.). We parked a few blocks in and walked around for a while. It ended up being a reverse of yesterday - Mary was really tired and Mom & I could've shopped much longer. We had especially good luck at a yoga store (Mary got a swimsuit & I got ridiculously comfortable - and cheap - flipflops) and Roots.

Probably my favorite stop of the day, however, was Pusateri's - a food market. It didn't look like much from the outside, but it was an upscale grocery in the heart of this neighborhood. It was amazing to walk through.

Tonight was another fancy meal - this time at Morton's - a steakhouse. It was excellent (especially dessert). On the drive home, Mary and I hopped out of the car because we saw that the Toronto Jazz Festival was still happening. We couldn't really see the people playing - it was housed in a tent (for the people who purchased tickets). We could, however, still hear a bit. We walked around for a while and took our time walking back to the hotel. I was glad we got to walk down Queen Street West one more time - it's a fun neighborhood that we've walked through almost every day here. Mary has been kind enough to let me use her camera on this trip. Tonight I took a picture of The Fat Belgian (just one of the restaurants nearby - including Joe Mamas and Hey Lucy). It's exciting to walk around a big city at night when it's still very much alive.

Tomorrow's the final day of vacation. We're going to attempt to get up a bit earlier than we have been. Plans are to hit up Tim Horton's one last time, visit the Casa Loma, and then head home.

See y'all in the U.S.

Toronto Travel Journal #3

2007-06-26T22:53:00.000-05:00

Today was a hot day in the lovely city of Toronto. Mom, Mary, and I made some special memories - starting at Urban Outfitters (and all of their AMAZING Saved By the Bell t-shirts), then trying to find a Goodwill Store (that had been torn down), visiting a super cool Market, shopping every place we could find, and eating at Quiznos.

You might think that after all of this fun that we'd call it a day. But not us! We ventured to a new part of the city (Chinatown) to find Kensington Market - home to lots of vintage shops. Mary needed to go there. The heat, some blisters, some construction, and some map-reading deficiencies slowed us down....but we prevailed (just barely)! Fortunately, our hotel serves Diet Dr. Pepper.

Then tonight we got dressed up and were treated to a super-nice dinner at the top of the CN Tower. Despite the fancy surroundings, we remained true to our Clampton roots - eating too much, laughing a lot, and taking lots of pictures.

Quotes of the day:

Bethany: "Hey guys, look it's a Flatiron Building!"
Mary: "That's not a flatiron"
Dad: "Look what I got today. I got a bag, a pen that lights up, a yellow sucker...and an iPod shuffle!"
Girl who gave Dad the iPod shuffle: "It plays music."

Toronto Travel Journal #2

2007-06-25T22:55:00.000-05:00

It's late & I don't have too much to document, so I'll do bullet point highlights from the day.

We slept in and ate at Tim Horton's for breakfast. Good donuts.
It was a gorgeous day - and we walked around & shopped most of the day.
We tried to find the PATH (an underground walkway with shops that goes around a large section of downtown) - but the entrance we wanted to use was being blocked by the bomb squad. We will try it another day.
I had my first international driving experience. It was only 10 blocks or so. I feel empowered.
Mary and I were on our own tonight. We compromised on food choices - Subway for dinner and crepes for dessert. I had a dark chocolate and banana crepe...very nice.
Mary noticed an Umbra store - I'd seen their products in stores back home, but it was cool to see a bunch of their stuff in one place.
At Umbra, I found this book - "Toilets of the World" - it was actually pretty fascinating. A store employee saw me looking at it and said it was one of her favorite books.
I'm definitely getting my big city fix - which is a very good thing. The fact that it's a city outside the U.S. is a big bonus.

Toronto Travel Journal #1

2007-06-24T21:43:00.000-05:00

I'm on vacation, kids! Pretty exciting. I'll try to keep a bit of a travel journal of all of the interesting things we do and some snapshots of the family fun.

After the 3 services this morning, Josh was kind enough to drive me to St. Louis through torrential rain. He also got to see me get stressed about not getting to the airport on time (I'm a bit high-strung when it comes to traveling by air). Good times so far...

I was scheduled to fly out of St. Louis to Chicago O'Hare leaving St. Louis at 3:51pm (Central) - connecting to Toronto by about 9pm (Eastern). I got to my gate in plenty of time - just to see that they'd changed my gate number. At my original gate number, I noticed a flight departing at a nearby gate that was going directly to Toronto. I chuckled about how much faster that flight would make it to Canada. Not too much later, the airline attendant paged a passenger with my last name for that flight. While my last name is pretty common, I thought - I'm a high-strung traveler - maybe I should just make sure I'm not doing the wrong thing. I went up to the counter and told the lady why I was confused. She somewhat listened, but quickly said, "Well, do you want to go straight to Toronto?" I was a bit surprised - but after a few questions, a lot of fast work by her (including getting my bag switched), and a text message to my family that I'd be coming sooner than planned - I was on a direct flight to Toronto! How cool is that?!?

(I landed in Toronto at 6pm Eastern. Turns out my flight out of Chicago was delayed and didn't arrive here until 10:35pm Eastern.)

So I got to walk around downtown Toronto and eat dinner with my family tonight - and already, I'm VERY impressed with this city. It's really clean, very pretty (right on the lake), and we've already seen some serious shopping potential. Yay vacation!

Other quick notes from the day:

Mary: "I left my pillow and blanket in the car because Dad didn't want me to carry it through the hotel lobby looking like the Clamptons."
Bethany: "The who?"
Mary: "The Clamptons!"
Bethany: "You mean...the Clampetts?"
Mary: "Whatever"
Note to self: wearing Illinois apparel will make you friends in large cities - even internationally (though the thousands of engineers in town doesn't hurt the odds). I made a friend on the airport shuttle who went to the U of I - and met another random Illinoisian in the restaurant. I was not surprised by this in Chicago (with my awesome orange and blue scarf) - but I didn't expect it in Canada

What's Right in My World

2007-06-15T20:22:00.000-05:00

I just returned from 7 straight days of traveling (an unusual occurrence for me). I've been in several states for several reasons - but it's been really great. The first part of my trip (to Indiana and Kentucky) provided me a chance to relax and be with the Spear clan. I caught my first fish (there are pictures - will share if/when I am able) and went tubing for the first time. The second leg was the Willow Creek Arts Conference which is something I always look forward to. I got home tonight and my brain feels very full. The theme of the conference was Hallelujah: What's Right with the World - and I just wanted to process some of what I experienced. (To see some pictures taken at the event - not by me - go here and here.)

I am always challenged at Willow about the value of building relationships with non-Christians. This conference was no exception. Part of that message came via Dan Kimball, who talked about his new book, They Like Jesus, But Not the Church. After talking with lots of people outside the church, Dan came up with 6 things that people frequently think about the church - and I think he's right on in voicing these common hang-ups. I think a lot of these are big issues for people and I'm excited to read the book and dialogue with some people about it.
I got to see the arts team from Mosaic (a church in LA - where Erwin McManus teaches) twice at the conference. They have a dance/performance group, and I was reminded again of how much dance (especially when done with high skill and passion) moves me in a way I can't really explain. The dancers are able to express emotions in such a visible way that I wish I could come close. So amazing.
The Blue Man Group and their weird version of audience participation/engagement. Also, biggest toilet paper party ever.
A commitment to tell a better story with my life and to tell the best Story.

And I want to add to the beauty
To tell a better story
I want to shine with the light
That's burning up inside
(Sara Groves)

Praying with the Church

2007-06-02T12:57:00.000-05:00

When it comes to reading, I have some definite habits. I don't mind reading non-fiction if its something practical (work or school or just interesting), but it rarely grabs my attention in a way that makes me unable to put it down. It usually feels like work to make it through a non-fiction book. Fiction, on the other hand, has a way of getting me to stay up all night reading and to take the book with me everywhere until I'm finished with it. I've been that way ever since my teen days (Christy Miller, anyone?) - and experienced it last fall with the Harry Potter series. There are times when I'm jealous of people (Melissa) who get jazzed about reading things that are very practical. Rather than read about church or ministry, I like to travel and escape and explore through books! Can you blame me?

However, this past week, I got this book ("Praying with the Church" by Scot McKnight). And I didn't want to put it down. I've messed around with fixed prayers for the past few years (which I've blogged about before). I think it appeals to me because it's different from what I grew up with - and it incorporates practices from church history that are rich theologically. What's great about this book is how simply McKnight gives the history of fixed prayers (from Israel's practice to Jesus and the first Christians, then through Christian history), makes a case for how they can be formative spiritually, and discusses how to get started in a very practical way. I love that he's from an evangelical perspective that stays away from this type of prayer; consequently, he handles the common reaction that people from that background can have (it's too Catholic, can be insincere, etc.).

A common theme for this approach to prayer is creating a rhythm of prayer that gives structure and centeredness to our days. And by praying prayers like the Lord's Prayer, we join Christians throughout the world (and throughout time) who are praying/have prayed the same thing.

So, I started doing morning and evening prayers again this week. I've already been blessed and challenged by it. I use Phyllis Tickle's volumes, The Divine Hours. Here's a hymn that she included that just blew me away (especially after praying the Lord's Prayer several times this week):

“Forgive our sins as we forgive,”
You taught us, Lord, to pray,
But you alone can grant us grace
To live the words we say

How can your pardon reach and bless
The unforgiving heart
That broods on wrongs and will not let
Old bitterness depart?

In blazing light your cross reveals
The truth we dimly knew:
What trivial debts are owed to us,
How great our debt to you!

Lord, cleanse the depths within our souls
And bid resentment cease.
Then, bound to all in bonds of love,
Our lives will spread your peace.

-Rosamond E. Herklots

Why I don't like country music.

2007-04-30T19:19:00.000-05:00

If someone asks me what kind of music I like, my standard answer is, "Virtually anything. Except country." There are times when I wonder if I should say that. I really do enjoy most music. Some people include rap in the list of music they don't like - but I have to say that there are some rap songs I enjoy. (Not the super gansta variety - but I'm not categorically opposed to the genre.) But I do draw the line at country music. Perhaps I should clarify - it's more a distaste for mainstream country. Bluegrass and folk music - I have NO problem with. In fact, I've been discovering those genres more and more in recent years. But the question persisted, am I being overly judgemental?

Maybe I dislike country music because I didn't grow up listening to it. Or maybe because of all those 4H parties Bruns invited me to in college (long story).

But perhaps I'm hypocritical. I like the Dixie Chicks & some Martina McBride. And I have attended a Shania Twain concert (but I didn't buy the ticket). And Carrie Underwood is good (but of course). Then, not too long ago, Brandi put a Lyle Lovett song on a mix CD - and I really liked it! So, I wondered if I should reconsider my general dislike.

Then, about a week ago, I was driving through rural Illinois. The only stations that I could get were country stations. I submit to you 2 songs that I heard:

Exhibit A:
Yeah, an' I like my women just a little on the trashy side,
When they wear their clothes too tight and their hair is dyed.
Too much lipstick an' er too much rouge....
An' I like my women just a little on the trashy side.
From "Trashy Women" - by Confederate Railroad

Mmmmmkaaaaaay. Not the greatest song ever. But, I'm a fair person. There are bad songs in every genre. But then, literally, the next song I heard was...Exhibit B. I'll start the lyrics from where I heard the song start (I had switched over to a different country station).

Exhibit B:
You know every guy in here tonight
Would like to take you home
But I've got way more class than them
Babe that ain't what I want.

'Cause I'd like to see you out in the moonlight
I'd like to kiss you way back in the sticks
I'd like to walk you through a field of wildflowers
(And at this point, I'm thinking...see...this is a much sweeter song. I was wrong to judge country music. But! Then the song continues...)

And I'd like to check you for ticks.

Excuse me?
Did he just say that?
Unfortunately, I heard correctly. ("Ticks" by Brad Paisley)

And I think I said to myself, outloud, "and THAT is why I don't like country music!"

This post especially for worship ministers in Spfld - and - anyone else who still reads my blog

2007-04-21T16:20:00.000-05:00

So - I was talking to a friend this morning - who teased me again for neglecting my blog. Daniel, when we spoke, I neglected to tell you about the post I made yesterday, although I'm sure it might not count as an official post (since it's mostly just talking about not posting and then giving a link). I'm sorry about that - but hopefully 2 new posts count for something.

My question - which is open for anyone who might be reading - is what should I blog about? I feel this pressure that my blog should be high quality. However, I will forego that if it is popular.

Possible options include:

The french horn
Stevie Wonder
TLC's What Not to Wear
American Idol
Shopping
My spring mix CD
Or...another topic of your choosing

(I know it's all pretty much fluff. I'm okay with that.)

So...let me know what you think.

It's been a while - aaaaand I'm lame

2007-04-20T19:32:00.000-05:00

So, when asked, I've been saying I haven't been feeling the blogging thing lately. It's true. I don't think I've had much to say/share. UNTIL NOW! (just kidding)

I actually just wanted to share an article that my dad sent me this week. It's long - but really worth the read.

Pearls Before Breakfast

It's a story about a famous violinist who participates in an experiment - he played (incognito) in a DC subway station during rush hour. Peoples' reactions were interesting. I'd say more...but it's really just worth reading. (I know...lame blog entry...but you can't accuse me of false advertising.)

Six Weird Things about Me

2007-02-11T23:32:00.000-06:00

I was tagged by Brandi - so here goes!
SIX WEIRD THINGS ABOUT ME

I am generally anti-condiment. If I have a choice, I'd rather not have ketchup, mustard, mayo, etc. I was a picky eater as a kid (which I have definitely grown out of). But now I think it's more an issue of consistency than taste. I just don't like cold, wet things on burgers, sandwiches, etc. Some people might call it boring - but I say I'm a purist ;o)
I have only experienced real anxiety in one specific situation - canoeing. It's the closest thing to a phobia that I have...and it's definitely irrational. I have canoed a total of 5 times in my life (once with family and then a bunch of times with the church youth group). It's not tied to a traumatic experience, nor is it a fear of water. There's something about the perceived instability of a canoe that really freaks me out.
I memorized the entire McDonalds commercial from the 80's where the girl is playing Fur Elise in a piano recital and thinking about going to McDonalds afterwards. I'll sing it for you sometime if you'd like ("how I wish I were already there, instead of here, I hate this song...and then I would have a chocolate shake, a cheeseburger, and also - woops- and also fries...and I would eat the fries myself and not give any to my dumb brother...").
If I need some time to myself, I take a long drive around town - but inevitably end up in Chatham (usually without intending to). Several of my friends know this, because the car is one of my favorite places to talk. So they've ended up in Chatham with me.
I often sleep with one arm above my head. (To clarify [Kara] - that means resting on my pillow above my head - not in the air.)
I've never had a cavity, I've never broken a bone (besides a pinkie toe - doesn't really count), I've never had stitches, I don't wear contacts/glasses, and I never had braces. (However, I've always wanted glasses - I thought they'd make me look smart. I hope someday I'll need some reading glasses.)

That was harder than I expected. I know there have to be weird things about myself that I'm forgetting - yes?
(I admit, after reading several of these [Brandi, Kari, Andrea] I'm starting to think that it's weird that I DON'T type or sign along with songs or thoughts!)

And I am tagging just a couple people - Kara & Bethany B.

Springfield in the spotlight

2007-02-10T16:16:00.000-06:00

It was a little odd to see my hometown in the national media today. Mr. Obama decided to use the historic Old State Capitol as the location to announce his presidential candidacy - which brought quite a few people here this weekend. I was listening to AM radio in my car this morning and heard a Springfield DJ interviewing international media who were here to cover the event. Pretty amazing. It made me proud of my hometown and home state.

However, it the middle of all of the excitement, I came across an article written by a writer from the local paper. It's sobering - and yet it provides some perspective on the issue of race in Springfield. It's true we're the hometown of Abraham Lincoln, but we're also home to an infamous race riot just under a century ago. Here's the link to the article - It's Not a Day to Forget Our Shame.

and everywhere I go I see...

2007-02-06T17:34:00.000-06:00

I don't go see movies in the theater very often, but the past few movies I've seen in the theater, I've had an odd experience.

Example 1: Last December, I went to see The Holiday with some girl friends (it's a chick flick - w/ Kate Winselt, Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, etc.). We weren't too far into the movie when all of a sudden (to my great surprise) - John Krasinski shows up on screen! (If you don't know who that is, he plays Jim on The Office.) Well, I got excited and said to my friend Kara, "I did NOT know he was in this movie!" As it turns out, he was only in one scene. I looked for him the rest of the movie, but he wasn't there. (Sadness.)

Example 2: This week, I finally made it to see Dreamgirls (I like a good musical, and it was a childhood ambition of mine to be a backup singer in a girls group). It was a pretty fast-paced movie - we're going through decades and singing and having fun. Then, over 2/3rds of the way through the movie - "Wait a second. What is Jim doing in THIS movie??" He was playing some artsy/hippie assistant to John Lithgow in one scene. I don't think he had any lines - but I don't really remember because I was so surprised that he was in Dreamgirls. Is it just me, or does that not make any sense?!? I was just waiting for him to look directly into the camera and make a goofy face (probably referring to Beyonce's outfit).

So, I'm thinking, what other current movies could Jim show up in? At this point, not much would surprise me.

Randomness & links

2007-01-08T17:23:00.000-06:00

If you're anything like me, you've probably had some conversations/opinions about Christian radio. I was really interested to see that Christianity Today is starting a series of articles discussing Christian radio - its history, demographic, method of picking songs, and its future. The first installment is here.

I finally downloaded Sandra McCracken's hymn album today; I like it. Lots. You can stream it and read about it here.

A cool video made by a church up in Naperville here. (I give credit to the children's ministry staff for forwarding it to me.)

And a random observation - the total number of Sufjan tracks I've listened to on last.fm is 666. Kinda creepy, no?

Oh - and LOST is taking over my life. The Joshes and I are trying to catch up before the new episodes start next month (we're more than halfway through Season 2). Unfortunately, I still haven't seen the 2 latest episodes of The Office (the Christmas one or the one from last week).

Love Alone

2007-01-05T16:38:00.000-06:00

Have you ever realized that there is a recurring theme in your life?

Lately, I feel constantly reminded that God is in the small things. And if I'm not watching Him, I may miss what He's doing or what He wants to do.

The Christmas season can be distracting in its flashiness and hectic pace, but the story of God's coming is in direct contrast. The devotionals I read and the "messy Christmas" worship series frequently spoke of how simple and poor Christ's birth was. Aside from Mary, Joseph, some shepherds, and Eastern magi, it was not noticed at the time.

I also had a spiritual moment yesterday during a hospital visit. An elderly man (who is in hospice and unable to communicate) wouldn't let go of my hand after I prayed with him. It's hard to explain, but I had this moment where I was reminded that when we serve, we serve Christ. It's a reminder that I need.

Then yesterday, I ran across this poem in one of my Advent devotionals. (From the author, I realized that they're actually lyrics from Amahl and the Night Visitors, which I had purchased a CD of for Spear's birthday last fall. These words are sung by one of the kings on his way to worship Christ.) It challenged me with this same idea...

The Child we seek
doesn’t need our gold.
On love, on love alone
he will build his kingdom.
His pierced hand will hold no scepter,
his haloed head will wear no crown;
his might will not be built
on your toil.
Swifter than lightning
he will soon walk among us.
He will bring us new life
and receive our death,
and the keys to his city
belong to the poor.

-Gian Carlo Menotti

inexpressible comfort

2006-12-17T23:37:00.000-06:00

Haven't had much to say/blog lately...

but I came across this quote tonight:

"Friendship is the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful, friendly hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of comfort, blow the rest away." - George Eliot

I have experienced more than a few of these moments in several friendships lately. It's rare to feel both transparent and secure simultaneously - and I am grateful for the faithful friends in my life who provide comfort and wisdom....

26 Updates

2006-11-16T00:04:00.000-06:00

Since last I blogged...

I took a few days off to chill with Melissa in St. Louis
I discovered that I not only enjoy the fancy Marriott beds - but the Courtyard Marriott ones are pretty sweet too
I was appalled to hear Christmas music blaring while shopping in the first few days of November (Little Drummer Boy was bad - but Feliz Navidad set me over the edge)
I learned the wrong way to store leftover cheesecake in a hotel room (in the ice bucket)
I ate waaaaay too much at Maggiano's
I had to renew my driver's license (fortunately I did so online since I met the requirements - my legal name and gender have not changed)
I got a piano in my office - I should play it
I had a random World Market employee tell me 2 really stupid jokes
I had a good birthday - presents included a dream dictionary and music note earrings (my ears aren't pierced)
I had a party that involved crackers and cheese in shapes (!!)
I started getting psyched for Advent - looking forward to using a new devotional this season
I have been especially grateful for my friendship with Melissa - for the sense of authenticity and security that it provides - and its longevity (6 years so far)
I got to be part of a couple pretty cool (and pretty crazy) worship services
I watched Made with Mary and the parents
I pre-emptively slept enough to avoid getting sick
I watched a ton of The Office and may or may not have cried at the end of season 2.
Kara discovered a phantom wireless signal at the apartment
Kara has watched a lot of Lost - I may need to stage an intervention
I cleaned my room (it shouldn't be noteworthy, but it is) and got to display new artwork (by my talented roommate)
I laughed hysterically while getting my ridiculously long black dress hemmed
I saw Stranger Than Fiction - I definitely recommend it
I was free to dance (but I didn't)
I ordered a new jacket for the long black dress (because apparently I have shoulders and arms like a linebacker)
I watched stupid online stuff with Kara and Beth
I have had extra rehearsals for the big Mozart concerts this weekend
I realized that 26 doesn't seem like long in years, but it's really long in random lists

Here I Stand

2006-10-31T17:15:00.000-06:00

In honor of Reformation Day:

I grew up not knowing much about Martin Luther - aside from the very basics, anyways. However, over the past few years I've really grown in appreciation for a good deal of what he did as a part of his life and ministry. Part of that growing appreciation is thanks to my worship studies in seminary. (Luther had a lot to say about worship and music. He did quite a bit to revive the practice of the congregation singing in church.)

Also, though it may sound a bit shallow, there was a movie made about Luther a few years ago - and I've seen it a few times. I highly recommend it...it is made by the Lutheran church (so a bit rose-colored) - but it's not often you see a movie on church history that is as compelling as this.

And today I'm thankful for Martin Luther's commitment to Christ, to His Word, and for his willingness to stand up for those commitments regardless of his personal comfort. It makes me wonder what I am willing to stand for...

In his own words - when he was asked to recant or be excommunicated:

“I can not submit my faith either to the pope or to the councils, because it is as clear as the day that they have frequently erred and contradicted each other. Unless therefore, I am convinced by the testimony of Scripture, or by the clearest reasoning, unless I am persuaded by means of the passages I have quoted, and unless they thus render my conscience bound by the Word of God, I cannot and I will not retract; for it unsafe for a Christian to speak against his conscience. Here I stand, I can do no other. May God help me." - From the Diet of Worms, 1520

Have you seen this?

2006-10-27T13:15:00.000-05:00

Haven't had much to say...of any substance...

So I'll just share some random links that may or may not be of interest:

From my boss: How do they do this??

From the .net: First, I can't imagine losing my voice - but this is really wild

From my little sis: Amazing what can be said in just 100 words

And finally: There are no words

Catching up

2006-10-13T11:47:00.000-05:00

So, I've been out of the primetime TV loop for a while. I can blame it on being in school - or I can blame it on being lame - it's probably some combination of both. And truth be told, I wanted in on some of the conversations you hear when people make jokes - or when they talk about theories of what's going to happen next on (insert a show here).

So lately I've been checking out a few shows. I don't have DVR or anything fancy, so I've either watched them on TV or rented them on DVD. Here's the downlow:

Scrubs - This one apparently just got syndicated because it's on twice a day on a couple different stations. So, I haven't been able to watch it in order. However, it's pretty funny - I like the inner monologue stuff. And it tends to mix in some poignant moments, which I didn't expect.

The Office - I'd seen an episode here or there and decided to rent the first season (which is only 6 episodes long). I'm not familiar with the British version. I've laughed a lot (and Kara laughed really really hard once last night) - and I'm looking forward to watching more.

Lost - Now this one I wasn't real sure about. First, I tend toward comedy/light stuff for entertainment. I like an occasional drama/thriller here and there - but I also like closure (Rachel Green voice: C-lo-sure). And I also know from observing people that there's a lot of uncertainty even now in its 3rd season. Sometimes I get squeamish/freaked out by scary/intense shows or movies. And finally, people who get into this show seem to be REALLY into the show. In a little bit of a scary way. Regardless, I decided to rent the first disk of Season 1 last night. I watched the first 2 episodes this morning. I already feel a little sucked in. We'll see how that goes.

I've also thought about Gilmore Girls and 24 - but haven't made it there yet.

However, there is one show on TV I haven't missed an episode of yet this season - Project Runway. It's become a staple of Wednesday nights (post-D'Arcy's with the girls). I'm both excited and a little sad that next week is the finale. I have been a Michael fan most of the season, but something tells me one of the girls is going to win. And I love Tim Gunn.

Carry on.

Cue the cannons

2006-10-04T20:40:00.000-05:00

I had an orchestra gig last weekend, and going into it I was a bit hestitant. See, I don't play as often as I should, and the finale of the concert was the 1812 Overture.

Now, most anyone, whether they're familiar with classical music or not, is at least familiar with the main theme. You've heard it during fireworks, in movies, and probably in cartoons. It's a little iconic. The thing with music like that, though, is that often the larger piece - and its original context - get buried beneath all the pop culture. And in most cases, it's a bit of a shame. It's like only knowing a caricature or parody...and in the case of the 1812, it's all cannons and huge brass (which is admittedly cool).

The full work is quite beautiful. The first time I really experienced it was as a senior in high school at the All-State music festival. The honors orchestra played it as the finale, and I got to play in the extra brass section. I rank it as one of the top music moments of my life thus far. Honestly, it was one of those rare moments when everyone - conductor, performers, and audience get taken in by the music and the moment. Unforgettably powerful...and I knew it was because the piece was just. that. cool.

And so I was nervous about tackling it again - especially when myself and the orchestra...and did I mention myself were not nearly as capable as my earlier performance.

Which brings me to last Saturday. At the rehearsal, we basically ran through it once - stopping only when we needed to. The opening bars (by the low strings) were underwhelming. Well, I thought, this is rather disappointing. Then the horns came in for the introduction of the really familiar theme. Aaaand now I'm underwhelmed with myself. Great. But we kept plugging through.

But then something unexpected happened. We got to the section where the brass plays the opening theme again and the bells go nuts. And I kid you not - I got goosebumps. If I had not been playing, I probably would have cried. I was completely taken in by the music again. If I could describe the end - it's pure joy. And it's really hard to play the end of it with any kind of restraint, because it just begs to be played ALL OUT. And we definitely did. In the performance, it was not the most artistic or skilled rendition there has ever been - but when we got to the end, we played it with all we had. Awesome. (I do wish the "cannon" had been a little louder, but you can't have everything.)

And as I've listened to my recording of it again and again this week, I realized (and am embarrassed to say) I'd never really read any background on the piece. Surely a piece this well-known has some cool history. So I read the short article on Wikipedia, and sure enough, it's pretty amazing and interesting.

So, this is my ode to the 1812 - to its ability to inspire with and without context - AND its ability to cause grown adults to play it no holds barred.

(And it's a chance for me to say that I'm glad I get to play in an orchestra now and then.)

Happiness is...

2006-09-28T16:48:00.000-05:00

I saw this on Brandy's blog and decided to use it. It's a happy list :)

1. An unexpected gift:
I’m gonna go with my small group that met for the first time last Sunday night. It’s made up of people that I see often, but rarely get to spend “fun” time with. I’m excited about the next few weeks we get to meet.

2. A kind word shared with me recently:
Someone emailed a note of encouragement to me this past Monday morning – it was really sincere and thoughtful (and from someone I respect a lot)…and was one of those things that came at a good time. Also, this article that someone shared with me yesterday: http://www.ruf.org/help/singledout1.htm.

3. Something that makes me stop and praise God:
The fall weather – I am in complete awe of God’s creation right now. Today at lunch the clouds were huge; I was having a hard time driving without getting distracted by how cool they looked.

4. Something I'm looking forward to:
Hearing how my friend Melissa’s day was. In fact, the suspense is killing me!
Also, I’m looking forward to chillaxin’ on my day off tomorrow…
I'm a big believer in having things to look forward to. Anticipation!

5. A particular part of me I'm pleased with:
I’ve been exercising/eating healthier lately – and that feels good. Even though I fight against it, I know that I generally function better with discipline in my life.

6. Something in my life that I wanted but never expected:
A best friend. I have been blessed with lots of good relationships in my life, but when I look back even to high school, I never expected that I could have friendship that could last a lifetime and be as close as the one I’ve been blessed with.

7. A place that moved/moves me:
Allerton Park in Monticello – I associate it with experiencing God in His creation and in solitude. I’m excited because our young adult group from church is taking a spiritual retreat day there quite soon.
Also, New York City. My funky friend Phil was in my office last week, and talking about memories of trips there made me miss New York a lot. Big cities in general have an energizing effect on me – but there’s something special about that one.

8. One thing/person that always makes me smile:
Babies – I just can’t help it.

9. Most recent "love note" from God:
Aside from the clouds today at lunch…and the fall weather…a couple songs that have been on repeat in my office today: “Maybe There’s a Loving God” – Sara Groves & “Glory” – Nichole Nordeman & Selah

Something unusual, something strange

2006-09-22T17:07:00.000-05:00

I've always been someone who has been highly affected by music. This is a pretty obvious statement. But I was reminded recently that there is a connection between music and my emotions that is really strong...and beyond what I can predict or understand sometimes. (I am going to sound like a total girl in this post, but I have decided that I am okay with that.)

There are songs that affect me because of their lyrics, and there are songs that affect me because they remind me of a certain experience or time in my life. There is music that affects me because of its composition or because of the back-story of the person that wrote it. Most of the time, if there's a song that I like, I can generally describe why I like it.

But there are a handfull of songs/music that have an inexplicable connection to my emotions. It's usually immediate - and takes me by surprise. One strong example of a song that "gets me" almost every time I hear it is "Amie" by Damien Rice. The string part in particular (at the end)...it's just...tragic and beautiful. (If you look on my last.fm page, it's the most-listened to song...I'm a glutton for emotion!)

I was reminded of this most recently because of a random Christmas song. I went with a group from church to Willow's Christmas service last year. We wanted to go - partly to be able to worship together (since most of us would be leading Christmas services) and partly because it's generally encouraging to go to a Willow service. In the middle of the service, they sang a song - and their dance team performed with it. And by the first chorus, I was a mess - weeping in my chair in the middle balcony. And it wasn't really because I had intellectually pondered the incarnation (although that is amazing). The combination of the music and the dance hit something inside me, and that was it. Well, I found the song this week - "Here With Us" by Joy Williams. And listening to it, I'm taken back to that moment when I was watching the dancers express "hallelujah" and sobbing.

There's a tendency to dismiss emotion because it can be unreliable and sometimes it does not coincide with logic/reason. Goodness knows I'm aware of the instability of pure emotion. But at the same time, I'm really grateful that God has given us things like music and dance - that express His transcendent beauty - and I'm grateful for those surprising moments when I'm overwhelmed by it all.

All Harry Potter - all the time

2006-09-18T18:04:00.001-05:00

On my vacation just under a month ago I started reading the Harry Potter series. Tonight I should be able to finish book 5...so it's safe to say that the past month I've been reading HP in rather large amounts. I'm really enjoying it - having time available for leisurely reading is definitely a perk of not being in school.

However, I've been noticing some side effects of all this: random things remind me of Harry Potter things. Last night I described it as an inner-dialogue. It's probably a testimony to how creative J.K. Rowlings is - that she's created this entire world and characters so convincingly that I confuse it with reality. Fortunately, other people have confirmed similar experience with this type of Harry Potter Inner Dialogue. I'll call it HPID for short.

A few examples:

I accidentally cut myself.
HPID: A phoenix tear would heal that.
Late at night flipping channels I see that the end of Sister Act is on, so I decide to watch it. Whoopi Goldberg is conducting the nuns in their performance for the pope. They cut to a shot of the Reverend Mother.
HPID: What's Professor McGonagall doing in the church?
My roommate and her sister are watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - I joined them for a few moments. They're touring the factory, when one of the candies that they try explodes.
HPID: Fred & George Weasley could have made that.
I can't find my co-worker anywhere.
HPID: If I had a Marauder's Map, this would not be a problem.

Only time will tell if this inner dialogue will stay after I finish reading the books, but for now, this is how my mind is working. So I'm curious - if you've read the books - did you experience anything like this? Or am I a freak show?

Memories from 5 years ago

2006-09-11T17:57:00.000-05:00

I got up early this morning to walk, and since it was pouring - I opted for my treadmill. I turned on the TV and decided I wanted to watch some of the Sept. 11th memorial coverage. One of the news channels was playing the Today show coverage from that day. Since I wasn't able to watch TV until the evening of 9/11/01, it was eerie to me to hear them talk about it, not knowing what was coming - speculating after the 1st plane hit, and then watch things go from bad to worse (as they see the 2nd plane hit, find out about the attack on the Pentagon, and then watch the towers fall). It reminded me of how unfathomable it all was at the time.

And then on my drive into work, a couple radio stations played some of those songs where they dub audio clips of people talking over the music. Usually I think those are borderline cheese, but today not so much.

I started to remember that day...and I wanted to put a little bit of it down here while I was thinking about it. I know everyone has their stories of where they were and how it affected them. This is mine.

I was teaching horn lessons at a private school in Champaign from 7:30am til almost 9:30am. I got in the car to drive back to campus; the radio was on the local Christian station, and they were playing some super peppy Point of Grace song. When the song was over, the DJs just started re-capping all the morning's events - and I was just shocked. I remember driving onto campus and thinking how weird it was that everything that I could see looked the same, but everything I was hearing was utterly foreign.

I'm still amazed they didn't cancel classes that day. They cancelled them on Wednesday, but not on September 11th itself. I had orchestral conducting at 10am. No one was paying any attention. Then master class at 11am. Kaz explained that people could reschedule their lessons for the afternoon, but since I was actually prepared I decided to go ahead. We ended up spending a lot of it talking about New York (since he had lived there for several years). He gave me a Manhattan geography lesson using his shoe.

I hadn't reflected on it in a while, but this morning - and really throughout the day I started to remember the rest of that week - and really the rest of that month. The many many emotions - and the feeling of uncertainty. It's one of the only times in life when I've experienced an event that was so communal - everyone was dealing with it. For the rest of the month (at least), every event was in light of that day. Even television stations played alternate programming (it's a funny example, but I remember MTV only showed a handful of videos over and over. That Incubus one where the guy does the pencil drawing was one of them...). Things eventually got more "normal" - but then again - not completely...

Come on, fall!

2006-09-05T20:15:00.000-05:00

Fall is my absolute favorite season - and I think this past weekend, it arrived - at least in my mind. It's the one with my favorite memories and favorite traditions...and speaking of memories/traditions:

I went to a U of I game on Saturday - spontaneously - but it was super fun. First, it was a night game (no sun to contend with). Second, it was gorgeous weather. Third, I went with people who put up with my marching band neuroticism. Forth, we won. Fifth, there were a million fireworks. Being around the marching band made me reminisce about that year in my life - and some of the great memories. Tonight, I found pictures from my season (1999) - and a free audio download of one of my favorite Marching Illini songs ("Get it On").

The happiest part of my day today is that fall is officially here.

Instead of many words

2006-08-28T19:52:00.000-05:00

Photos from the Florida trip are up here.

A few favorites:

It was a very relaxing trip. I came home very refreshed - I needed the rest even more than I thought. I also realized again how awesome my mom is.

I also uploaded some pictures from a trip to Lake Michigan a week or so ago to see college friends here. I wish I'd taken a few more, but oh well. Contrary to all these pictures, I don't spend that much time at beaches. (This central Illinois girl just happened to have a very sandy week in August!)

And finally, my sister is an incredible photographer, as evidenced here.

Travelogue Entry #3

2006-08-24T19:48:00.000-05:00

Another relaxing day in paradise! (I overheard a guy say that - and I think it works.)

Mom and I kept to the shade for our reading/beach time today
I branched out and tried the spray-on sunblock. I am NOT a fan. It leaves your skin sticky. No good.
In the pool, this Australian couple asked if Mom and I were twins. Heh. Mom was worried I was secretly offended...but nah.
I'm getting pulled into the Harry Potter books I believe
Had a really good dinner at the Fish House (check out their website - little goldish follow your mouse). Mom and I split a combo, and I had lobster for the first time ever. It was really good - all the seafood around here is good (go figure).
We came back to our place for dessert overlooking the sunset. We took another walk around the water. A-mazing.

Travelogue Entry #2

2006-08-23T20:14:00.000-05:00

After a whole day in Florida, I'm happy to say that this pace of vacation is just exactly what I was looking for.

Slept in
Chilled at the beach & pool for the better part of the day. At first I thought I'd get tired of it, but I sure didn't!
We're not good at identifying accents/languages. We've heard lots, but so far the only one I know for sure is British.
We ate dinner overlooking the ocean. Mom & I split meals well - we were brave and tried a conch fritters appetizer. Conch is really chewy.
I've decided that "Funky Town" is the theme song for the trip - we've heard it twice already. (Mom's hoping we don't hear it anymore - I keep asking her, "Won't you take me to...funky tooooown?")
Had real Key Lime pie and took my favorite pictures of the trip so far
We drove for a bit tonight and discovered actual civilization here in the Keys (a movie theater and a Pier 1)
I skimmed a bit of this book at a bookstore. Looks really interesting.
I realized I got a lot more sun than I thought I did earlier - and that I will have some ridiculous tan lines
Our hotel has Bravo - which means I get to see the new episode of Project Runway tonight! Yesssssss.

Travelogue Entry #1

2006-08-22T15:55:00.000-05:00

I don't know how often I'll be able to update, but here are some highlights from the first few hours of vacation:

Our flight was just long enough for an in-flight movie - Last Holiday. Not bad...made for a quick flight.
I saw Jose from the Real World Key West at our rental car place.
Mom is now a believer in the wonder that is - the Marriott bed. Yesssss. This place is pretty amazing.
I was looking for the stairs, asked one of the hotel workers if they were through a certain door. He said, "No baby..." in this island accent...and then told me they were around the corner.
Just asked Mom what she was doing. Her response? "Not much. I like it." Indeed!

Cue the Beach Boys...

2006-08-10T22:39:00.000-05:00

...cause Mom & I are going to Key Largo!

I have finally settled on vacation plans - www.marriottkeylargo.com in just about a week and a half. And I am soooooooooo excited!

It's about as useless as a screen door

2006-08-04T16:54:00.000-05:00

(This post is a story - it's true - and remember, it could happen to you.)

After a long night of watching videos from high school musicals and show choir with my friend Beth, we realized we had stayed up way too late. We laughed at how young we looked, how insecure we were, what fun we had, and how ridiculous some of our choreography was.

As Beth left (around 2am), she had a couple photo albums and videos to take with her, so I decided to help her to her car. After saying goodbye, I walked down my driveway, and went to open my screen door (my front door behind it was wide open). It didn't move. At all. At first I thought it was sticky from the humidity. Then I realize - it's locked. I didn't even know that it could DO that!

Fortunately - I waved Beth down before she drove away - AND by the grace of God, my cell phone was in my pocket. Well, we tried to pick the lock, but it was pretty well-constructed. My back door was unfortunately locked (I'm a little obsessive about that). I decided it was too late to call the landlords next door. I didn't really want to tear through my screens either (they wouldn't pop out - again, stupid well-constructed door).

As we're driving to Beth's house, we stopped to ask the village police officer if he had anything to pick a lock (he was about 19 and was standing outside his car talking with his girlfriend who was keeping him company). His response? "That sucks." Thanks. I feel safer.

This story has a happy ending, though. Beth let me stay with her, my landlords let me in this morning, and no one had broken in through the screen door. (It's like a ROCK.)

And finally - the moral of the story is this: you thought you were cool in high school show choir, but you really really weren't.

Hello old friend

2006-08-02T20:20:00.000-05:00

I have had lots of mini-reunions lately...and most of them have been unplanned.

Since I live in the same town I grew up in, I occasionally run into someone from high school or earlier. But that's not really noteworthy.

These reunions have been with some of my closest friends from elementary school through high school. And I only ran into them through other people...so they were pretty unexpected. Plus, some college friends visited last weekend. I know people talk about "picking up right where you left off" - and I haven't always know that it's possible. I mean, there are a few topics (job, school, family, etc.) that you always hit...but you wonder what you'll talk about once you finish going through that list. Well I feel blessed that among all of these reunions, we were really able to just be ourselves - amidst all the change that we've been through.

So, I just have to say that I am really grateful that Ami still loves to talk fast, that Beth is still good at making witty commentary during performances, and that Brunsie is still such a good listener...

Sometimes it takes spending a few hours with someone to make you realize how much you missed them.

"For from Him, through Him, to Him is everything"

2006-07-23T20:49:00.000-05:00

I can't get the song from this morning out of my head. I probably listened to it 50 times last week, but I still listened to it 5 times on my iPod today (after hearing it in church 3 times too). I can't completely say why I'm fixated on it - aside from the fact that it's probably a good lesson in perspective. It is a reminder that He's above all of this. And in the end, I just want to give glory to Him.

Oh the depths of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable His judgments!
How unknowable His paths!
Who knows the mind of our God
and who could bring counsel to Him?
Who has given to God that God should repay?

For from Him, through Him, to Him is everything...

To God be the glory forever and ever, Amen.

Hail alma mater!

2006-07-18T17:22:00.000-05:00

I ran across this nugget of joy in an alumni magazine - Dress Alma. Enjoy!

(For those not familiar with the U of I, the Alma Mater statue is a favorite campus landmark. I've included a photo of her in her original wardrobe and location [ignore the random guy].)

Monday Randomness

2006-07-17T19:28:00.000-05:00

Do I look like I work here? I'm starting to wonder. For some reason, whenever I shop at certain clothing stores (Kohls, JCPenneys, and once at Old Navy), random women ask me to help them with something - and then are surprised that I don't work there. Honest to goodness, this has happened to me at least 4 times. The most recent was yesterday. I thought the lady was talking to someone else, so I didn't say anything. She started to raise her voice, but found a person who actually worked there before things got too weird. I can't figure out why this happens to me so often. At first, I thought it could be wardrobe related. Yesterday I was there, still in my nice clothes from church. So maybe I was looking "professional"? But I've had it happen when I'm in really casual clothes and my hair pulled back too. So. My questions are - does this happen to anyone else? And any theories? Any recommendations on clever comebacks?
This past weekend, I picked up a skill that I haven't used since I was 12 - cross-stitching! I was with friends at a cross-stitch sale for the day (long story), and I figured, when in Rome... Turns out, it's harder than I remember. The goal is to finish the small project I started and then be done with it. I don't need another hobby unless it's learning the cello.
Link for the day: http://www.cafepress.com/larknews.23099704 (A t-shirt that made me laugh)

In my mind, I'm gone...

2006-07-11T17:40:00.000-05:00

(...but not to Carolina*)

I have confessed my need to travel and see new places. I'll also admit that once I spent years in Champaign-Urbana, I began to appreciate towns that have a wide variety of cultural opportunities & types of people. And, let's face it, Springpatch just doesn't have as many artsy/diverse things to offer. However, since I can't be away all the time, I've tried to be resourceful and find places that make me feel like I'm...well...not here :)

In my hometown, here's my list of places that have this effect on me (that I can think of):

Prairie Archives - A used bookstore downtown (right by the Lincoln-Herndon Law Office) that is so big and fun to get lost in.
Head West Sub Shop - Why does this place make me feel like I'm back in a college town? It isn't the fact that they sell sandwiches on the BEST bread (it's addictive, I tell you), but more that they also sell hemp necklaces, Ben & Jerry's pints, and decorate with all things hippie. It's SO NOT Springfield.
Norb Andy's - Although I've not been there more than once (and that one time was thanks to Johnna), I felt like I was in Boston in this below-ground pub between the mariner decor and all the politicians in their expensive suits (it's only 2 blocks from the capitol).
Lincoln Memorial Garden - If you follow the trails all the way to the lake, it ruins the effect (the CWLP smokestacks are telltale) - but in the fall especially, it's very peaceful.
Some of the dowtown churches (like First Pres or the big Catholic one) - I really like big, old churches...for cultivating a sense of wonder. First Pres has some fun concerts, too...

Anyone else have ways you get away without going away?

*Not because I necessarily dislike Carolina...just because I've never been there. But I like James Taylor.

From the Midday Office

2006-07-10T13:46:00.000-05:00

I read these verses just now, and while they're familiar to me - reading them really convicted me. My life and my relationships would be much different if I applied this Scripture:

A Reading
"Let love be without any pretense. Avoid what is evil; stick to what is good. In brotherly love let your feelings of deep affection for one another come to expression and regard others as more important than yourself. In the service of the Lord, work not half-heartedly, but with conscientiousness and an eager spirit. Be joyful in hope, persevere in hardship; keep praying regularly; share with any of God's holy people who are in need; look for opportunities to be hospitable." Romans 12:9-13

I won't self-disclose too much, but I'd just say a good goal for the week might be looking for practical ways to apply that Scripture.

The Concluding Prayer of the Church
Almighty God, to whom our needs are known before we even ask, Help me to ask only what accords with your will; and those good things which I dare not, or in my blindness I cannot ask, grant for the sake of your Son Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Death's Sting

2006-07-05T11:59:00.000-05:00

After Sunday lunch last weekend, I had a long conversation with my roommate. A good chunk of it was about worship song lyrics and the resurrection - 2 topics that I can talk into the ground.

We talked about one of my current favorite corporate worship songs, which happens to paraphrase Hosea/1 Corinthians 15 - "Sin has lost its power, death has lost its sting..." - it's a powerful lyric. However, she helped me remember how in the midst of grief it's hard to see how death has no sting. We talked about that for a long time - but it was just reminder #842 this year of the lesson God's been teaching me: death is not good - but He has done and will do something about it.

There is a real tension in talking about death as Christians. We can't act as though death wins - because we know that we have the promise of heaven. We have a God Who was raised from the dead and therefore has control over it. However, we can't act as though death is an inherently good thing either. It's a result of the fall - and contrary to God's creation and nature. (Think about it - if God defines perfection - and He's eternal - then death is the opposite of that.) That's why it's not okay to give trite or over-simplistic answers to people who are grieving. We should mourn WITH them... It's a bit of a paradox in perspective (I've heard people call it living in the now & not-yet).

I ran across a blog entry that articulated this as well as anything else I've read: The God Who Hates Death. I hope linking to someone doesn't seem like a cop-out, but his thoughts are honest and have a lot of truth stated so well...that I'd just recommend giving it a read.

Tuesday Randomness

2006-06-27T12:42:00.000-05:00

A day late and a dollar short, but here's some randomness anyways...

I wish there were a way to have the benefits of living in a large urban area (such as the amazing shopping/dining options) without the traffic. Last weekend I felt like I spent the entire trip to the Chicago suburbs in traffic. My exact quote to Melissa after moving less than 2 blocks in 20 minutes in Naperville was, "I want to hit someone." We did get to briefly visit Geneva (mom's hometown) - and surprise! it was in the middle of Swedish Days! Melissa was confused by the Scandinavian-related festivities, but she still humored me while we went in the Gift Box. Lots of great memories from my childhood are there - though it was weird to imagine someone else living in my Nana's house.
I am officially in love with the Marriott beds. I stayed in one when I was at the arts conference, and then again last weekend (I had a gift certificate). Seriously, IN LOVE. But I don't think it's meant to be - at least not anytime soon. Oh, and the other thing I love is Melissa's good-for-you chocolate eclair.
A little internet nugget of joy (or rather a serious conspiracy):
http://easylink.playstream.com/cccmedia/cccmedia/daseussicode.wvx. Enjoy.

3 Pictures that Crack Me Up

2006-06-21T22:09:00.000-05:00

With very little commentary, here are 3 (semi-recent) pictures that crack me up.

These are my sisters. This is my current desktop on my work computer.

The attitude is directed at Mary (youngest sister). And this is pretty much how it goes in my family - my mom is cute & content and the rest of us have serious SASS.

And this picture I just got from Chris today - and I laughed when I saw it because that tassel did that to me ALL DAY.

Also, here are a few pics from my time at Allerton Park (aka one of the single most redemptive parts of central Illinois) last Saturday.

The 6 Love Languages

2006-06-17T11:06:00.000-05:00

I spent a short amount of my Friday evening with the fam. We watched an episode of 5 Takes: Pacific Rim (I love that show - I want to do 5 Takes: Europe. They already did it, I know...but still) where they go to Taipei, Taiwan. My brother was loving it since he went there last year - he was disappointed they didn't eat stinky tofu.

Then we went to Buffet King (which I MUCH prefer to Buffet City) - all 6 of us. I think it served as our Father's Day celebration since we'll be various places on Sunday. It was good food & the fam tolerated me as I lip sync'd (unashamedly) to the Celine Dion greatest hits that was playing for the entire meal.

As I was about to go to my car, Bekah handed me a mix CD. Now you may have heard of the 5 Love Languages. I say there are 6 - gifts, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, and mix CDs. Don't try to tell me that mix CDs could fit into one of the other 5 categories. Let me explain myself. I'm not talking about making/getting a mix of music just to share things you like (although I enjoy that as well). I'm talking about when someone makes a mix for someone specific for a specific reason. This CD was one of those - and I didn't even ask for it!

Here it is: "Just a Ride" - June '06

Just a Ride - Jem
Lucky Denver Mint - Jimmy Eat World
Long Ride Home - Patty Griffin
Thinking About You - Ivy
Hard Times - Eastmountainsouth
This Time Around - Helen Stellar
Same in Any Language - I Nine
Galileo - Indigo Girls
Santa Maria de Feira - Devendra Banhart
Finally Woken - Jem
1000 Miles - Vanessa Carlton
Walking Downtown - Copeland
Time Will Do the Talking - Patty Griffin
Lead Me On - Bethany Dillon
Black Horse and the Cherry Tree - KT Tunstall
The World You Love - Jimmy Eat World
Let Him Fly - Patty Griffin

Some of it I had heard - some of it I had wanted to hear - and it's just a great CD for me right now. Favorites right now - Jem, Eastmountainsouth, Patty (of course), and the Indigo Girls song. Rock. (And thanks, Bekah)

It's a shame to build our homes with bricks of fear and cynical stones

2006-06-15T19:51:00.000-05:00

I was up at Willow for a couple days this week for their Arts Conference. I could share some thoughts from that...but maybe another time. One major observation from the conference personally is my tendency to make or think witty, sarcastic comments, especially when it comes to worship. I mean, sometimes, people do and say things - especially when it comes to worship - that seem careless. And it can feel good to point those things out - partly because I think that worshiping God should be intentional and full of truth. But there's another side of me that enjoys critiquing because it makes me feels smart and maybe even better than the person I'm critiquing. Yikes. At one point, after a comment that I actually said outloud (and I'll admit, it was true and rather humorous) I told my brother, "I have got to stop doing that."

I do believe that thinking through what we sing and say - especially in corporate worship - is important. Don't get me wrong. And I think that we shouldn't just take everything people do/say about worship at face value. Dialoguing and seeking clarity often allow us to gain a deeper understanding and appreciationg for what it is we're doing when we worship. I just want to guard myself from being so critical that I have a heart that is hard and self-righteous. I really dislike it when I see that in others, so I don't want to cultivate that in myself.

I discovered a worship blog today - Bob Kauflin, who apparently is associated with the Sovereign Grace group. The first post of his that I read is a good example of balance between criticism and charity towards others, in my opinion. He talks about the worship song, "Draw Me Close," and evaluates the usefulness of worship songs with vague lyrics. I really do recommend reading the article, because it's well done, but his last statement is especially well-put:

"May we all proclaim the beauty, authority, and truth of Jesus Christ with our lives, remembering that neither passion nor propositional truth is out of place when we worship God. They were meant to go together."

What I appreciated was not only what he says, but how he says it. It's Biblical and full of grace - it seems pastoral. I want to be more like that and less proud of myself when I make/think snide commentary.

Monday Randomness

2006-06-12T12:31:00.000-05:00

I thought it might be fun to blog something OTHER than quotes from the Daily Hours...

I could talk about the trip to Cincinnati 2 weekends ago. I'd tell you about experiencing my first flat tire and about how grateful I am to the AMAZING women who put the donut on (where's the jack hole?), to the women who helped sort through the CRAP in my trunk to get to the donut, about having fun Champaign food (Noodles, Custard Cup, Papa Dels) twice in a week, and about finding really cute baby Illinois clothes (for no one in particular, so don't start rumors).
I could tell you about my trip to Cincy this past weekend. It involves a ridiculous amount of rollercoasters. How in the middle of a themepark, we found ourselves entertained playing a game that used little more than slips of paper, pens, our memories, and our weird senses of humor. It also involves Skyline and Graeters. Oh, and the Beef House. Food's important, okay?
A few friends were around to witness my reaction when I saw this - a sequel to The Passion of the Christ called....wait for it....The Resurrection! About flipping time, people. (I was mostly excited just because of my higher than normal interest in the resurrection this spring.) In seriousness, I wonder if someone other than the original director is taking it on, is it really considered a sequel?

That's all I have for today. Happy Monday to all...

Your Hand, O Lord, in Days of Old

2006-06-07T08:09:00.000-05:00

Your hand, O Lord, in days of old
Was strong to heal and save;
You triumphed over pain and death,
O'er darkness and the grave.
To you they went, the blind, the mute,
The palsied and the lame,
The leper set apart and shunned,
The sick and those in shame.

And then your touch brought life and health,
Gave speech and strength and sight;
And youth renewed, with health restored,
Claimed you, the Lord of light.
And so, O Lord, be near to bless,
Almighty now as then,
In every street, in every home,
In every troubled friend.

O be our mighty healer still,
Lord of life and death;
Restore and strengthen, soothe and bless
With your almighty breath.
On hands that work and eyes that see,
Your healing wisdom pour,
The whole and sick, weak and strong
May praise you evermore.

-Edward Plumptre

Why I love the Book of Common Prayer

2006-06-05T14:49:00.000-05:00

Ever heard someone else pray and agree with them completely (sometimes silently or maybe using a sound of agreement)? That's how I feel sometimes when I pray using the Book of Common Prayer (though I use it from the Daily Hours, so it's changed just a little bit).

From today's Midday Office (there's so much in this small prayer...):

The Concluding Prayer of the Church
O Lord my God, to you and your service I devote myself, body, soul and spirit.
Fill my memory with the record of your mighty works; enlighten my understanding with the light of your Holy Spirit; and may all the desires of my heart and will center in what you would have me do.
Make me an instrument of your salvation for the people entrusted to my care, and let me by my life and speaking set forth your true and living Word.
Be always with me in carrying out the duties of my salvations; in praises heighten my love and gratitude; in speaking of You give me readiness of thought and expression; and grant that, by the clearness and brightness of your holy Word, all the world may be drawn to your blessed kingdom.
All this I ask for the sake of your Son my Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

Music for everyone

2006-06-02T13:41:00.000-05:00

This morning I used my music education degree in an actual school setting - something I haven't done in almost 4 years.

My current small group consists of quite a few teachers. One girl teaches Kindergarten (and I respect her greatly!) - and she mentioned in passing that at her school they don't have any "specials" - meaning, her kids don't get to have music class. So I offered to come in some Friday and have music class. I can't IMAGINE elementary school without music. Seriously!

Well today was the day. And I was a little rusty (and it's been a long time since I've been called by my teacher name!). However, it was quite fun - for both me AND the kids! I played my horn for them, we played a high/low game, sang some songs (Alice the Camel, for example), and then listened to "In the Hall of the Mountain King."

If you're not familiar with "In the Hall of the Mountain King" it's a classical piece by Edvard Grieg (one of the only well-known Scandinavian composers!) - and it starts soft, but then builds to a loud, fast ending. It's very spooky. One of my most vivid kindergarten memories is listening to this piece in music class. Our teacher let us crawl/creep around the room and the beginning and then run around like banshees at the end. (She also let us do something similar to "Flight of the Bumblebee." We loved to run around like bees.) While not to that extreme (we had to creep/walk/run in place because of space), we definitely moved to it today. It was WAY fun. We also listened to it with our eyes closed to imagine what was happening. One kid said that Mike Myers was chasing him.

And it made me happy to share the music love with some kindergarteners. And it made me remember how as children, we're much more inclined to sing, smile at a silly song, and move around to music.

Anyone else have random music class memories from elementary school? I realize I may have liked music a lot more than would be considered "normal." :)

1, 2, 3, & 4

2006-05-27T14:29:00.000-05:00

A recent, though rare phenomena has me feeling really good lately - all of my siblings are in the same town.

While I don't think 4 kids is a huge amount, when we're all in the same house or the same area, it's a full house. I can remember back to the days where we had to schedule how we would all take turns in the bathroom to have enough time to get ready (Sundays were the worst). I also remember the cross-country trips in a minivan, staying in small hotel rooms that were not designed for 6. (I also remember the most recent family trip to Wisconsin in 1 minivan - we're all [well, not me] taller now. Enough said.)

I'll admit - I started the exodus from Springpatch in '98. I'll also admit that leaving my hometown was an important part of growing up. During my 4.5 year absence, I probably spent more time away than I did at home. This wasn't because I disliked home; I think I just caught a glimpse of all the other places and people outside of what I had known, and I wanted to explore. Soon Josh joined me at college. It was so cool to see him enjoy it like I did and to be able to share a year or so of our college lives at the same place.

Even though it wasn't my original idea to come back here after college, I was glad to be able to be around my younger sisters. At that point, they had somehow turned from little kids into young adults. I've gotten to go to concerts, graduations, and see them at church every week. When I mentioned to a friend last year that I was sad Bekah was going away to college ("She's leaving me!" were my exact words), they reminded me that she was returning the favor from years earlier. Honestly, though, I'm so happy for her - to be able to go away and enjoy every bit of being away (she took a day trip back to her college town this week...it's a good sign). And while she's still at home for a couple more years, Mary's about to gain some independence in the form of a driver's license (help us all)!

And now we're all here again. Bekah for the summer. Josh indefinitely. And I have SO enjoyed going over to my parents house to see who's around. While my parents' house is always home - something about all 4 of us there together makes it even more so.

I'm not so naive to know that this period of close proximity is likely short. But I want to make the most of it and not take it for granted.

(In other news, I just found the 2 missing library books this morning - they were in plain sight in my living room. Also, hearing "Walk Away" by Kelly Clarkson automatically makes me sing and dance like the random people in her video. I can't help it.)