Valentine's Day makes me sick

Okay - so today I'm sick. Blech. Whatever.

But it made me think. Last year this same time I was sick too (as in, the days immediately following Valentine's Day). The only reason I remember is I was supposed to play the horn for Spear's concert but had to back out at the last minute. I was going through some stuff the other day and found the note from the flowers he sent me (I'm a packrat. I confess it.). And the date on it was Feb 18th.

So - I wonder - does Valentine's Day make me sick?

And if so - what should I do next year??

I welcome your advice.

Without love whatever we do is worth nothing

From today's mid-day office readings:

The Prayer Appointed for the Week
O Lord, you have taught us that without love whatever we do is worth nothing: Send your Holy Spirit and pour into my heart your greatest gift, which is love, the true bond of peace and of all virtue, without which whoever lives is accounted dead before you. Grant this for the sake of your only Son Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

The Concluding Prayer of the Church
Almighty God, our heavenly Father, the privilege is ours to share in the loving, healing, reconciling mission of your Son Jesus Christ, our Lord, in this age and wherever we are. Since without you we can do no good thing:

May your Spirit make us wise;

May your Spirit guide us;

May your Spirit renew us;

May your Spirit strengthen us;

So that we will be:

Strong in faith,

Discerning in proclamation,

Courageous in witness,

Persistent in good deeds.

This we ask through the name of the Father.

Church of the Province of the West Indies

A total class act

A quick tribute to my all-time favorite Olympian, Michelle Kwan.

She dropped out of the Olympics yesterday [edit: Sunday], and I had two STRONG emotions: sadness and respect.

I have been a fan of Kwan's for a long time.
I'm not 100% sure why I always liked her. She's pretty close to my age, she has always carried herself with grace and humility, and I just enjoy watching her skate.

I remember being in 8th grade and watching her at the U.S. Nationals. It was the year of the Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding mess - and Michelle skated really well. She ended up being the alternate for the Olympics that year. Her innocence in the middle of all the drama was striking.

Then I remember when she got the silver in Nagano my senior year of high school. I heard about it during a music rehearsal and I was SO bummed (and I repent of the nasty things I said about Tara Lipwhatshername).

My senior year of college I watched her fall in the long program in the '02 games. I do not repent of beating Fuzz with a slipper for making fun of her. That I stand by.

Am I sad Michelle never won Olympic gold? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. However, I have to applaud her decision not to compete. She is still one of the best American figure skaters of all time (http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/winter06/figure/columns/story?id=2328132).

And I wrote this blog entry last night - but couldn't post it (Blogger was being dumb). Then today I saw that Kari blogged about it too (though more articulately). And there you have it.

Nerd Alert

A snapshot of my mind today:

• Should we pray Trinitarianly? I was pondering this yesterday as I addressed God as "Father" and wrapped up the prayer "in Jesus' Name." The Holy Spirit is missing in a lot of my spirituality. It's a similar question as "should we worship the Holy Spirit"? The answer probably involves some study.... Melissa said she knows someone who would open a prayer with, "Oh Holy Trinity..." Heh. And she also pointed out that we can pray in an awareness of the Spirit's presence and activity. Which I do sometimes - but overall the Spirit's power isn't something we talk about much - or see much. And then this whole thought brings me back to the Divine Hours & the Gloria prayer...
• Walking up the church stairs after lunch, I was glad that I'm not Catholic. I saw a communion wafer on the floor, and I was happy that I didn't have to eat it.

More Resurrection Talk

A few quotes that are wandering through my head after a Saturday in good ol' Lincoln:

“The gospels do not narrate the actual resurrection of Christ, but rather its discovery by Jesus’ disciples and his subsequent appearances to them. Thus the Resurrection retains that aura of mystery, the sense of the numinous, as an extraordinary manifestation of the power of God which cannot be encompassed by the grasp of the rational mind. To narrate the event itself would be to divest it of its gripping quality, just as artistic representations of it are unsuccessful.” - Richard C. Leonard
(don't you think numinous is a great word?!?)

“The third day he rose from the dead: this tells me nothing about me, but everything about God. The resurrection of Jesus is a mass of trumpets announcing that God is God, that Jesus really was the Messiah, that the Lord of the universe has just left a large signature on this planet, that inexplicable power resides in God’s arm, that God’s love triumphs over every dark for, even death itself. God is glorified. God be praised.” - James C. Howell
(When will we get that it's not about us?)

“I belong to the God whose first and finest achievement was an empty place.” - James C. Howell
(I am still processing his point here...it's a tough one)

Up from the grave He arose (He arose)

Okay - it's time for some audience participation. Or maybe audience pondering. Whatever.

(Though seeing how most people who read this blog are people I see in person - or who I've never met and are from a far-away country - this could be interesting.)

When I say "the resurrection" - what comes to mind?
Any thoughts, images, emotions?

How about this - how does the resurrection affect your relationship with God? How does it affect your worship of Him?

This may be a recurring topic in my life for the next few months, as I am likely writing a paper about how we should talk about the resurrection in our worship services.

And now I need to close all internet browsers and really type (the paper - it's just a blank Word document for now). But I am curious to hear any thoughts related....

And as He stands in victory - sin's curse has lost its grip on me...

Happy Thoughts

So my blog has become completely random. And that might be an accurate representation of my personality. While I do hope to add some thought with depth and insight in the near future - you are left with random thoughts that make me happy.

• Clean apartment - many thanks to the roommate
• Pickle - you complete me!
• It's a frickin CELINE DION MOUSEPAD. How cool is that?!?
• How can you not see people looking in your window? Yep - we're THAT stealth
• Acting 13...16...whatever
• Imo's on Mondays
• 2 phone calls from Phil in one day
• Text messages involving Robert Tilton and Music Man quotes (::swoon::)

This One's For the Girls....

You are killing all of my wonder. (KILLER!!)

Shortie got a job, shortie got a car, shortie can pay her own rent....I just want real love.

Different from the ones before - cause I know she loves the Lord - she's THAT kind of girl

And it's all your fault I screen my phone calls - no matter who calls I screen my phone calls

Forever and ever - you'll stay in my heart - and I will love you forever and ever...

Playing with matches, a girl can get BURNED. So bring me no ring, groom me no groom, find me no find, catch me no catch - unless he's a matchless match

Because I knew you - I have been changed for good

No matter what I'm wearin' I will always be Beeeeeethanyyyyyy

I could not love you any better, I love you just the way you are

I'd gladly give up my freedom - to be held in your captivity

When I am weak, unable to speak, still I can call You by name.

Could it be that He is only waiting there to see if I will learn to love the dreams that He has dreamed for me?

Oh, but you don't know what's coming. Don't you know the One who holds tomorrow?

Lord, I know if you change my mind, You will change my heart in time.

How deep the Father's love for us - how VAST beyond all measure.

You're beautiful the way you are.

My surroundings

This might say something about me - might not. I'm opening myself up for psychoanalysis!

Things on my Bulletin Board:

• Worship Schedules
• Staff phone directory
• Black and White old New York City calendar (I always get one of these from World Market - it lets me travel by turning my head. This month's is Grand Central Station - with the light pouring in. LOVE IT!)
• A flower made from popped balloons (from 40 Days of Purpose)
• Pictures from 3 weddings - Melissa, cousin Sarah, and Orange & Blue
• Estefani - my Compassion kid
• A card that says: "Pray for...Young Adult Ministry at West Side & Young Adults in the Community" from vision night #1 back in the day!
• A sticker that says, "I voted" (I had to beg for that...)
• A picture of Melissa and I in the infamous yellow office
• A picture from lunch at Granny's
• A birthday note from Phil (2003)
• A cross ornament from Spear
• The Beattitudes art from the first Gathering (which still looks awesome, Kara)
• A cartoon about lipstick that was given to me by a woman who was trying to win me over to her lipstick side (I still don't wear it)
• A small piece of paper where Melissa wrote her married name about 6 months before her wedding. I used to look at it to get used to it. I think it helped.
• An Illini basetball poster from the 2003-2004 season
• A cross-stitched piece from MaryAnn
• Phone numbers for people that I never called (mostly high school acquantances
• A dried red rose

Things on my Computer monitor:

• A pink piece of paper with Psalm 86:11-13 on it - Diane B. put it on there for the women's conference
• An index card that says: "Clarity of Mission flows from purity of worship" - I still don't know who said that...
• 2 fortune cookie fortunes (I LOVE fortune cookie fortunes): "You'll never know what you can do until you try" and "Your love life will be happy and harmonious."

So what do you think this says about me??

Hungry Girl

**Public service announcement**

I'd like to make a recommendation. If you visit the Hungry Girl website - you can sign up for daily emails with suggestions about eating healthy and exercise. But they're super-fun. They've got product reviews, tips for eating out, all kinds of fun things.

The end.

I love my job

Today was one of those days...and I just need to remember it - because I love my job:

• Great response from the artist yesterday - praise God... (and I'm amazed at the power of art...and of people surrendering their gifts in corporate worship)
• "I see orange and blue events in the future. Bad Mike..."
• Imo's is the new place for lunch...but don't tell too many people
• "What is that? Please make it stop!"
• "I Need You" - The Swift
• "Made for You" - Watermark
• The calypso Easter song...and lots of laughter

Mr. T

Facts about Mr. T:

• When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.
• Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
• Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.
• Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says, "I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you."
• Children are afraid of the dark. Dark is afraid of Mr. T.
• Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
• Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserve their daily dose of vitamin T.
• Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.
• Mr T. and Chuck Norris decided to spar; they traveled to the only safe place in the Universe, the beginning of time. They bowed to each other and Chuck launched in with a roundhouse kick. Mr. T blocked it, and the resulting pressure wave is commonly called the Big Bang.
• Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. The result was the 80's.
• Mr. T's chains are not made of gold, they are actually made of curium, one of the heaviest elements in existence. They were put there by the CIA to slow him down, and you're lucky they do, fool.
• Human females have two X chromosomes. Males have an X and a Y. Mr. T has three Ys and a T. He's more man than you'll ever be.
• When creating the alphabet, Mr. T placed the letters M, R, and T in separate areas so people could learn to read and spell without fear.
• Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.
• When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.
• Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is too afraid to shine on him.
• Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.
• Mr. T doesn't breathe, air just hides in his lungs for protection.
• Mr. T isn't afraid of flying, but God fears the consequences of letting him fall.
• Mr. T is the reason the sky is blue. Don't ask stupid questions.
• On the A-team, Face, Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.
• There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.
• Mr. T was once involved in a head-on car crash, and he was the only survivor. Mr. T was walking at the time.
• Mr. T doesn't need an ATM card. He just walks up to the machine, crosses his arms, stares at it, and money comes out.
• Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.
• Mr. T always drives on the right side of the road, no matter where he is in the world.
• Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
• Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.

You can read all about it - about how boy meets girl and then...

Just found some online articles about the nature of Christian "dating" or whatever you want to call it - and thought I'd share. I like it when people can say things more articulately than I ever could.

The first is from Boundless (they tend towards the more conservative side - but pretty good nonetheless): http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001200.cfm - "Not Your Buddy."

I've heard it said that it is difficult for men and women to be very good friends without at least one of them having interest in more. I think as a generalization, that's probably true. Anyways, I liked how this article calls out girls to go into friendships with guys with eyes open - rather than just seeing what they want to. He's just not that into you, right? However, I do think the roles could occasionally be reversed (the girl enjoying the attention with the guy hoping there's more).

The second is from ChristianityToday - and is co-written by 2 single Christians: http://www.christianitytoday.com/singles/newsletter/mind60111.html - "State of the Date"

It's been a few days since I read it - but I liked their honesty.

And now to finish the quote from the post title: "He screws the whole thing up...just like always" ;o)

Selections from tonight's compline

The Reading
"He comes to us as One unknown, without a name, as of old, by the lakeside, He came to those men who knew Him not. He speaks to us the same word: "Follow thou me!" and sets us the tasks which he has to fulfill for our time. He commands. And to those who obey Him, whether they be wise or simple, He will reveal Himself in the toils, the conflicts, the sufferings which they will pass through in his fellowship, and, as an ineffable mystery, they shall learn in their own experience Who He is." - Albert Schweitzer

The Small Verse
Into your hands, O Lord, I commend my spirit; for you have redeemed me, O Lord, O God of truth. Keep me, O Lord, as the apple of your eye; hide me under the shadow of your wings.

The Petition
Watch, O Lord, with those who wake, or watch, or weep tonight, and give Your angels and saints charge over those who sleep. Tend Your sick ones, O Lord Christ. Rest Your weary ones. Bless Your dying ones. Soothe Your suffering ones. Shield Your joyous ones, and all for Your love's sake. Amen.

SLACKER

Okay - This post is going to have whiny elements - so tune out if you don't want to hear any of that.

I want to be done with school. I've felt this at various other assorted times in my life - but I never meant it as much as I do right now. No more. Isn't it May already?
I don't have a good attitude about it. If I could express my most profound thoughts about school right now, it would be this: "Ughaughiwalgggnuwalgugh..."

And I really do want to make the most of my remaining time. I have a tendency to do "just enough" and have a "whatever it takes to get it done" rather than maximizing it. Finishing strong is what I'd like - but my heart is NOT in this right now...

So this post is just a snapshot of my temporary frustration - and hopefully someday (in the not-so-far future) I can look back and say, "Man, I'm glad I'm done with school."

And now - off to work on getting closer to May....

Patty

I got a Patty Griffin CD from my brother for Christmas. He always hooks me up with good music. While this album, Living With Ghosts, is the first one I've heard all the way through - I already knew one of her songs. {Kara - it's track 10 on your driving mix.}

(These lyrics aren't really indicative of anything in my life right now...just want to share them.)

Rain
It's hard to listen to a hard hard heart
Beating close to mine
Pounding up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
Sometimes a hurt is so deep deep deep
You think that you're gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep weep weep
With all this rain falling down

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
But I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain

It's hard to know when to give up the fight
Some things you want will just never be right
It's never rained like it has to night before
Now I won't beg you baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not looking for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
But I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
But I'm still in love underneath this shroud
Rain

Merci madame Kara

I don't speak French. In fact, I think it sounds funny.
But I'd like to give a brief "merci beaucoup" (or whatever) to my "amie", Kara.

• Merci pour your quotes from Henri Nouwen - makes me remember how much I like that book
• Merci pour the lovely candle - a totally random surprise
• Merci pour being the first person to hunt me down in cyberspace that I know in real life (at least that I know of...eek...)
• Merci pour that trip to Indy - may we continue to travel together...
• Merci pour your listening ears
• Merci pour your enjoyment of the Wicked soundtrack.
• Merci pour your friendship
• Merci pour a lovely note that I DID NOT UNDERSTAND AT ALL BECAUSE IT'S IN FRENCH!!! ;o)

Au revoir.

Memories

I had meant to do a 2005 retrospective - mostly for my own memory's sake. However, this post will not be that.

I had several people give me digital pictures today (I need a digital camera!). There's something about pictures that takes me back and makes me all sentimental. My sister Rebekah gave me some pics from this past Christmas, and Melissa found a CD of pictures from our trip to Las Vegas back in July 04.


The kids. I love the look on Josh's face. And no, I don't know why I'm not looking at the camera.







My mom, uncle, and Nana (who turns 98 this month).
How cute are they?? Seriously!










Cute.










There's a level of comfort I feel in these pictures that I can't quite put into words.

Seven

I was tapped by Drea - so here goes!

Seven Things to Do Before I Die (Lord willing):
1. Go to Europe (London, Paris, Rome minimum)
2. Be an "aunt" to my best friends' (future) kids
3. Play the cello...well.
4. Get married and have children
5. Be in a production of Godspell
6. Write a song
7. Live somewhere other than central IL

Seven Things I Cannot Do:
1. Leave a conversation with my best friend unresolved
2. Start a day without a caffeinated soda
3. Keep my office clean
4. Roll my tongue or roll my R's (I think that's genetic though)
5. Keep in touch with long-distance friends
6. Work ahead on schoolwork
7. Fold clothes properly

Seven Things that Attract Me to My (potential future) Spouse/Significant Other (completely hypothetical...and might I add this some of these are negotiable - some are not!):
1. His love for God - and God's kingdom - and the church - and people who don't love any of those things
2. His eyes and smile - these go together I think
3. His tolerance and/or love of music nerdiness
4. Enjoying to see and explore new places
5. The way he challenges me to be better
6. The way he listens and encourages
7. The way he loves to laugh

Seven Things I Say (or write!) Most Often:
1. I'm not gonna lie...
2. Your mom
3. CLEAR-ly
4. Whuh-BAM (from Mary)
5. Whatev's
6. I KNOW!
7. Get out!

Seven Books (or series) I Love:
1. Celebration of Discipline - Richard Foster
2. Divine Hours - Phyllis Tickle
3. What's So Amazing About Grace? - Phillip Yancy
4. Ragamuffin Gospel - Brennan Manning
5. Unceasing Worship - Harold Best
6. Jesus With Dirty Feet - Don Everts
7. John Ortberg books

Seven Movies I Would Watch Over and Over Again:
1. Princess Bride
2. Tommy Boy
3. Legally Blonde
4. Sleepless in Seattle
5. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (I've only watched it once though)
6. Singin' in the Rain
7. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Seven People I Want to Join in - if they wish:
1. Brandy
2. Robyn Elise
3. Adriene
4. Rhonda
5. Danielle
6.
7.

Happy Holidays...Season's Greetings...or whatever...

I've been hearing a lot of people discuss or voice an opinion on the various ways to wish someone well during this particular time of year. Christians especially have made a point of saying, "Merry Christmas." Some people have protested stores that don't use the word Christmas, or re-name things (e.g. "holiday trees"), or refuse to use the more generic phrases. The positions on the issue range from indifference, mild concern, to obsession or paranoia ("fight the Christmas grinches"). I can't help but think that the word "Christmas" is not at risk as much as some make it seem.

I've never understood why we (Christians) get so defensive about the way society treats our religious celebrations. I suppose there's the sense that everyone used to be Christian in the U.S. (which was never true I'd propose) - and now it's becoming less the case. But shame on us for forgetting that our democratic society has given us the freedom to truly worship God - rather than the other way around.

Rather than arguing/protesting/speaking out in the secular arena, why not focus on truly celebrating Christmas ourselves? (I think this OpEd article says it well.)

It's a reminder that I need to take time and consider how to truly celebrate Christ's birth this year - and in the future.

Come, Thou Long Expected Jesus
words by Charles Wesley, 1744

Come, Thou long expected Jesus
Born to set Thy people free;
From our fears and sins release us,
Let us find our rest in Thee.
Israel's strength and consolation,
Hope of all the earth Thou art;
Dear desire of every nation,
Joy of every longing heart.

Born Thy people to deliver,
Born a child and yet a King,
Born to reign in us forever,
Now Thy gracious kingdom bring.
By Thine own eternal Spirit
Rule in all our hearts alone;
By Thine all sufficient merit,
Raise us to Thy glorious throne.