Basketball Season is upon us....

I am happy...especially as an Illinois fan...that football season is fading into memory and basketball season is picking up.

People who have known me for a while know that I've not been a sports fan for much of my life. However, attending the U of I made up for that quite a bit. I have 4 years in the Basketball Band and my friend Melissa to thank for my basketball education. (A real friend never tells you how stupid you are - but simply answers your questions!) I'm still learning, but I know MUCH more than I used to.

I have SO many good memories in the Basketball Band and at Illinois games in general:

• Getting to sit on the floor for all those games
• Chanting to the refs: "Go back! Go back to Foot Locker! Go back! Go back to Foot Locker! Sell shoes! (sell shoes!)"
• Holly feeling guilty about "heckling"
• The Mizzou games at the Saavis Center in St. Louis - all of them.
• The Indiana game when Bobby Knight was still the coach - the Orange Krush was BRUTAL.
• The free soda (hey, I'm easy to please)
• Going to games with my fellow UIUC alumni - and sitting back up in the nosebleeds
• Getting to see a game with the whole fam one Christmas break
• Watching the Illinois/Arizona Elite 8 game from last year's tournament after it had happened - but getting to be there with Chris, Melissa, and Josh when we made the Final Four (unbeLIEVEable!)

As for this season.I don't know that I'll make it over to Assembly Hall this year, which would be a first for about 7 seasons. As a fan, I try to never get too high expectations, but to just enjoy every game. I'd like to see nice leadership from the seniors - and growth from the younger ones.

Because I'm a visual/auditory person - this post MUST have pictures and music.

I stumbled upon this page today: http://umgawa.bands.uiuc.edu/BBB/media.html - it has songs from a recording session back when I was in the band. Personal favorites are: "Carry On My Wayward Son," (HUH!) "Everybody's Everything," and "Jungle Boogie."

My all-time favorite Illini:












And one from last season (during the Wake Forest game):










Go Illini!

Environmental Pollution

I am realizing lately how much of my attitude is a product of the environment in which I am residing. Namely - how clean, organized, and "put-together" my personal environment is affects how I feel when I'm there.

I have known this - but realized it even more after this past weekend. My sister, home from college, helped me decorate my bedroom a bit more. I bought a picture for the wall that I LOVE (it's a simple print of a tree - but with some interesting texturing techniques). My bedroom colors are some of my favorites (Earthy, fall tones). I also cleaned up my desk to make it more usable (rather than storage). Consequently, I've enjoyed spending time there (in addition to sleeping).

Now my office - it has been declining in organization quite gradually. It is now at a point of ridiculous clutter. Not only do I dislike it - but I hate it when people immediately look at the piles when they enter my office. The same sister mentioned above entered my office WHILE I was writing this entry, and immediately started straightening things. However, that was a minor dent in the mess.

The answer to this is an obvious one (i.e. "Bethany, get off your butt and clean your office.").
And I think I will....tomorrow....

Hour by hour, day by day

So for the last year I've been using The Divine Hours (compiled by Phyllis Tickle) devotionally. She uses Scriptures, hymn texts, and the Book of Common Prayer to create the offices - 4 prayer times throughout the day.

Growing up, the only formal prayer we used was the Lord's Prayer. Anything else "scripted" was avoided, in favor of more spontaneous prayers. So maybe it's bringing balance to my experience, but there is a richness in praying Scripture or prayers that are rich in language and theology - which have been prayed by believers over the centuries.

I'm looking forward to going through Advent this year (another word not used in my church!) using these prayers.

This week's prayer:
Blessed Lord, who caused all holy Scriptures to be written for our learning: Grant me so to hear them, read, mark, learn, and inwardly digest them, that I may embrace and ever hold fast the blessed hope of everlasting life, which you have given us in our Savior Jesus Christ; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Amen indeed.

Also, I have found a great security in praying the Gloria:
Glory be to God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, so it is now and so it shall ever be, world without end. Alleluia. Amen.

(You can see the current office's text at: http://www.annarborvineyard.org/tdh/tdh.cfm)

This is about as introspective as I can be

So I've been trying unsuccessfully to write a meaningful post over the past 3 days. So far all I've got it a few drafts about insecurity, community, and change. Hmm. So I did one of these blog-things. Here's what it said about me:

Your Power Color Is Red-Orange

At Your Highest: You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth. At Your Lowest: You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked. In Love: You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve. How You're Attractive: You are very affectionate and inspire trust. Your Eternal Question: "Am I Respected?"

What's" Your Power Color?

And I thought it was pretty accurate. (especially for a blogthing - my expectations weren't high)

"You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked." Guilty. This happens frequently in my closest relationships - I take everything personally. As an artist, it takes a severe effort by my logical side to counterbalance critique or even commentary about something I've been a part of. Now, *I* am allowed to critique it to DEATH - but someone else? Hah. And my version of defensive and critical is often more subtle than getting angry (for example, getting frustrated and shutting down). Fortunately, I have people in my life unafraid to call me out. It's just hard to get past that initial tendency.

"You are loyal." To a fault. I have always been the friend who tries a little bit longer than the other to stay in touch, hang out, etc. I am somewhat particular about who I get close to, but once I do... Also, crushes stick around for MUCH longer than my logic should allow. However, it has allowed for some friendships that were more real and lasting than I ever knew was possible.

So hopefully I'll get one of those other posts finished soon...

Birthday Weekend Highlights & Lowlights

I had an awesome time away - perfect really. Which makes the rest of this post just for the fun of it. Long story short, I have amazing friends and family - and I enjoyed myself quite a bit!

Highlight: Going to St. Louis w/ Melissa and seeing the cool historic hotel we were to stay in for the weekend downtown
Lowlight: Realizing that they wanted to have us pay $25 a day to park in their ramp

Highlight: Driving around the college town area on a perfect fall day with Stevie Wonder's greatest hits
Lowlight: That I don't live in a place like that (it's hard to come up with a lowlight for that!)

Highlight: Going to Pier 1 and spending a gift card I'd been carrying for 6 months
Lowlight: The interesting/awkward tourist recommendations from the Pier 1 cashier guy

Highlight: Nice dinner at P.F. Changs and an evening at Borders with no time limit
Lowlight: Melissa getting sick in the Borders bathroom after being chased by a drunk random guy in the parking lot

Highlight: Finding a place to park on the street overnight (to avoid the $25 parking garage)
Lowlight: Street people we encountered on the 6 block walk back to the hotel whose comments ranged from humorous to highly inappropriate

Highlight: Getting a phonecall from my sister at college wishing me a happy birthday
Lowlight: Hearing that said sister considers 25 to be young, but 26 to be old

Highlight: Lunch at St. Louis Bread Company (a.k.a. Panera) at the Loop
Lowlight: Skipping the nearby Coldstone Creamery

Highlight: Walking around the City Museum in downtown St. Louis - an amazing playground
Lowlight: Not acting like a kid at the museum - since there were actually kids there

Highlight: Shopping at the Galleria - $20 jeans from the Gap (quite needed!) were the only purchase
Lowlight: Too much to see in a short time

Highlight: Being surprised by a large group of friends who traveled 45min-1.5hours to spend my birthday evening in St. Louis (!)
Lowlight: The long wait at Cheesecake Factory

Highlight: Opening very thoughtful cards from friends
Lowlight: Receiving my first Bar Mitzvah card ("Today you are a man") - Hah!

Highlight: Hearing that Spear brought homemade banana pudding
Lowlight: Hearing that we didn't have anything to eat it with

Highlight: Going back to the City Museum with everyone - and actually running around like little kids like I wanted to earlier
Lowlight: Keeping my friends up waaaaaaay late


So, to review - my 25th birthday was pretty stinkin cool.

I gotta get outta here

Well, I finished my project - and with several sleeping hours to spare I might add. Go me. If you have any questions about the Church of God (Anderson, Indiana), ask them quick - because I think all of that information will leave me shortly. Praise God, I picked up a form today to declaring intent to graduate in May 06!


Random moment of the day: As soon as I walk in my office at church this afternoon, my office phone rings - it's my mom. She tells me that a lady named Kathy just called her and said that she found a cell phone in the Qdoba parking lot - my cell phone. So my mom went and picked it up from her this afternoon and brought it to me. So - Kathy and my mom are seriously my favorite people of the day!
Kathy - She finds a random phone in a parking lot, and rather than just taking it to the lost and found of a restaurant uses my recent calls to find someone connected to me.
And my mom! - (She's so awesome anyways) Takes time on her day off to help her clutsy daughter - I have the best mom (for more reasons than just that)

I'm taking off for a few days this week w/ Melissa - to go to St. Louis. Should be good - relaxing and just...really good.

The time is right
I'm gonna pack my bags
And take that journey down the road
Cause over the mountain I see the bright sun shinning
And I want to live inside the glow

Yeah I wanna go to place where I am nothing and everything
That exists between here and nowhere
I wanna got to a place where time has no consequence oh yeah
The sky opens to my prayers

I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful...

-India Arie, "Beautiful"

Procrastination Station

Must....not....avoid....seminary project!

Must.....get....sleep....this time around....

Argh!!

(I'm going to Starbucks soon - the land of un-free wireless - otherwise I'm WEAK!)

I Want A Broken Heart

This is the theme of my days recently.

"I've got faith in the bank
and money in my heart
I've got a calloused place
where your ring used to be, my love

I've traded naked and unashamed
for a better place to hide
for a righteous mask
a suit of fig leaves and lies

I thought the cattle on a thousand hills
was not enough to pay my bills
and I fell in love with those who proved me wrong
and now I want a broken heart"

-Derek Webb

I am way too good at ignoring the voice that whispers, "You are even more calloused to all of this than you even realize."

It's a scary prayer - the one for brokenness that is.

I can rest in God's grace - but I think my problem is too much rest.

You should learn something new every day

First, I'd like to share a few things I learned this past weekend on my bus trip w/ highschoolers to see "Wicked":

• Perfume is a weapon. It should be strictly regulated - especially in small enclosed areas.
• The ushers at nice theaters have become much more aggressive lately. We had one lady yelling across half the balcony at people taking pictures. She stressed me out.
• According to the girl in front of me on the bus, "All religions are basically about the same thing - God. There are just so many different kinds because people disagree on the small things. Like, Martin Luther was a monk, but he wanted to get married and have kids. So he nailed those things on the door, and that's how we got Protestants!"
• There are still very few guys in high school choir. Poor souls.
• I. love. Chicago. I need to live in an urban area. I might hate it, but at least I'd get it out of my system.
• My sister is VERY cool. We had fun eating Twizzlers during the show and laughing at the scary usher. I'm really glad I got to go see "Wicked" - but especially with Mary.

My new toy: www.last.fm It tracks the songs you listen to, shows you others who have similar tastes in music, and has an option for streaming radio. Muy bueno.

Oh, and the UofI Homecoming game was fun too. Our parking place was SWEEEET. Spear and I made up a loyalty song to the company that provided it ("We're loyal to you H.D. Smith..."). The boys were very patient with me and my marching band nerdiness. We stood by the tunnel as the band entered, we went up to the east balcony to watch pre-game, we ran down the big ramps, and they listened to me ramble about the fossil band. Between the band and the Stevie Wonder (YEAH, Stevie Wonder!!) we listened to, I was dancing quite a bit over the course of the evening. The football game itself? Not worth speaking of. However, we did stay to the end.

Come, weekend, come!

So my weekend is going to be quite full....but fortunately it will be things I enjoy a lot!

Friday I get to go with my sister's high school choir to Chicago to see Wicked. (British voice: Wwwwiiiiicked!) I haven't seen a professional show in a long while....probably a year at least...so I'm so ready. Mary told me to bring a book for the bus ride since she'd be hanging out with her friends. Hah! I'm not familiar with the show - but have heard great things. I'm hoping Ana Gastayer will still be performing.

Then Saturday is the U of I homecoming football game. Again, it's been since fall 2003 since I've been to a game - so I'm quite overdue. Time to get out my Marching Illini music again. I'm also going with fellow Illini fans. (We're used to the team not doing so well. We're still loyal.)

Good music....good experiences outside the normal Springfield realm....

A moment from the Willow A2 Conference

2 student registrations for a Willow Creek A2 Conference
3 nights at a nice hotel
A tank of gas to get up to the suburbs
7 nationally known speakers/pastors
3 different worship teams leading in a 1 year-old worship auditorium with all the bells & whistles
4,000 other church leaders attending the same conference
Having your best friend lean over halfway through the 2nd day of the conference and whisper, "I'm tired of worshipping": Priceless!

Had a good week - it was nice to get away and just take in a bunch of different perspectives. It was also fun to be with my friend. We had some good car time - tough, but hopefully productive conversations.

Columbus Day

• Began: 9:30am
• Climate: A perfect autumn day
• Menu: Leftover cajun chicken pasta and CHEESY BISCUITS from Red Lobster...and a iced chai in the afternoon
• Soundtrack: John Mayer - specifically, "Why Georgia" and "Love Song for No One"
• Achievements: Shopping without purchasing and remembering my horn lesson on a holiday
• Locations: The apartment, the parentals (when no one was there), JC Penneys, Lincoln Memorial Gardens (standing in for Allerton Park), and church - 3 usuals, 1 planned, and 1 exceptional
• Uniform: Jeans and my new Geneva Vikings t-shirt
• Pondering: Life purpose, love (or lack thereof), and new resolve to be disciplined
• Productive moments: folding laundry, putting away dishes (note the lack of homework/work items)
• Evening Plans: Undetermined

In praise of seminary...and Southern Baptists?!?

I've definitely complained plenty about being in grad school while working a full time job over the past few years. However, I feel the need to sing the praises of seminary for a moment. I am taking a COOL class this semester.

It's called "Contemporary Protestant Church Theologies" - and it's allowing me to take a more in-depth look at the major Protestant groups. Up to this point most of my knowledge of "other" groups has been stereotypes and worship practices.

This week I had to teach the class (it's in a seminar format) on the Southern Baptist Convention. I have to say - it was fascinating to get a more specific idea about the theology and structure of this group. Stereotypes don't really cut it.

Usually when I have a big school project I'm working on it hangs like a cloud over my head and I'm in a MOOD about having to do it. For whatever reason, this project wasn't like that. I still procrastinated (I mean...of course...) - but I didn't mind doing the work.

This class has already allowed me to converse on a much better level with my friends from other branches of Christianity. It's a shame I can't go to class next week - they're looking at the Reformed family.

On serving...

I've wanted to process the church's lastest "emphasis" for a while - but now that it's somewhat over I'm able to step back and take it in easier. The idea? The Church Has Left the Building. Re-looking at what it means to BE the church - in particular, how part of the worship of our church needs to be a visible reflection of Christ in our community.

So we took breakfast to teachers. We read to kids at schools. We washed cars for free and picked up trash. We encouraged everyone to invest in the lives of others - just for the sake of loving and caring for them. We try to actually get to know our neighbors. We hosted a really fun movie on the lawn/carnival last Friday (picture above).
I expected to hear words of thanks from the people we served...and we did. However, what has been more surprising is the words of thanks from the people who had the chance to serve. Isn't that funny? We serve others - but we are the ones who change the most.

I really enjoyed getting "out of the building." I've known for a while that I need to do it more. I spend so much of my time at work (church) or school (seminary) - that it can be stifling. In little steps - but intentionally - this has to change.

I just have to say - I have never been so excited about what God's teaching us as a church. It's nothing new - we're just starting to "get it" a bit better. I don't know what's next with this group of people called the church - but I am so glad to be a part of it.

Ready? Okay! 2 3 4...

Saw Sufjan Stevens and the Illinoisemakers in St. Louis last night.
What a FUN show!
The whole show had a pep rally theme - all the musicians in cheerleading outfits (with big block I's on the front of course), cheers for the introduction of several songs, spirit fingers, and a human pyramid. It was a riot! I was especially amazed at the musicianship and teamwork this group had. There was lots of jumping from instrument to instrument throughout the show.
I've only listened to the "Illinois" album for a few weeks now, but I loved the energy that the live performances brought to the songs.
"They are Night Zombies..." was probably my favorite.
That and the random guy who yelled, "I love Polish people!!" after "Casmir Pulaski Day."
So, thanks to my brother for introducing me to Sufjan and encouraging me to go see him live.

Music is her food

My iPod has been working for a week and a half now - and it is my new best friend. I've been rediscovering all of my music that used to sit around lonely and unloved -- and now listening to it again is like catching up with an old friend. Maybe I can't travel - but I can really escape in music. Am I melodramatic? Hah.

Anyways...here's a few of my old friends:

• Dumb (but fun!) pop music - EnVogue, Destiny's Child, and others too embarrassing to share...
• My piano playing friends - Stevie and Billy (Wonder and Joel, that is)
• Beethoven's 7th Symphony
• Sarah McLachlan
• Musicals - Godspell Prologue, Lion King soundtrack
• Caedmon's Call Guild CDs....especially the sound check from Guild 3 and their cover of "In God's Country"

And some new friends too!:

• Over the Rhine
• Robbie Seay Band
• The Normals - "Grace"

Don't bother me when my headphones are on.

Rejoice with those who rejoice - mourn with those who mourn?

I had a rough Sunday a few days ago. I had a crisis of faith of sorts. Not so much of what I believe - but how I practice it (especially as a leader). Fortunately I've been able to process it with some good friends - to whom I am very grateful. But I'd like to put a few thoughts on here to remind myself of what God's teaching me.

The basic issue is the problem of pain - which is nothing new - but this week I couldn't ignore it.
I'm not naive enough to think that people don't suffer or question every week. And yet on Sunday we come together to sing songs about who God is and what He has done...and this is often from a very comfortable/happy mindset. But not last Sunday...

So over the past week -
The hurricane tragedy surrounded everyone - which is a national/global/human tragedy.
But the thing that got to me most: A young, strong, healthy 21-year old guy from church gets a surprising and devastating diagnosis with little warning or hope - and he and his family are in church.

As I walked out to lead the body in songs of praise - my heart was so heavy as I saw this family and especially this kid. I have NO idea what they're experiencing - doubt, anger, pain,...
And I sang,

"Forever God is faithful, forever God is strong...."

"And right now in the good times and bad - You are on Your throne and You are God alone"

"I know for sure all of my days are held in Your hand, crafted into Your perfect plan"

- and I know all of those things are true.
But it was not comforting - it actually made me want to grieve.

My brother and sister were home from college - so we all ate lunch together. As my dad thanked God for our home, our food, and our health - and prayed for those who did not have some of those things - I lost it. (Meaning, I went to the bathroom - and bawled.)

I know all the right answers about worshipping God despite circumstances. But I think I had a moment that Melissa has told me about that I've not had often.
Come soon, Jesus. This world hurts and we want to be with you. You promised there will be a day when there won't be any more pain or sorrow. Let it be very soon - as You always intended it to be.
Forgive me for forgetting where I am - and what You've told me about that.

Then, yesterday, I got an email with a video based on Psalm 137 - images from the hurricane and a song called, "Don't Make Us Sing This." I'm there. And I'm not the first or last person to feel that way.
(If you go this site you can request a free download - it's Music Video 2. It's by Waterdeep's Lori Chaffer.)
http://theworkofthepeople.com/
It's okay to mourn - and yet have faith.

The Marinator

I've been to Chambana twice in the last week and a half. Highly unusual. I've enjoyed it - but most of it was shopping in downtown Champaign. I want to go back when I can wander on my own and possibly connect with some old friends.

This is a pic of Mary with her Marching Illini hat. She cracks me up.

I love that town - but things change so fast there - it's inevitable nostalgia/reality check. Mary says I'm just old.
I hope to make it to a football game this year. Had to turn down tickets for this Saturday's game b/c I'll be at a wedding. As I'm typing this - "What is Hip" by the MI came up on iTunes.

I love campus in the fall.

a little perspective

Worth your time to watch: http://www.worldonfire.ca/
(Sarah McLachlan - "World on Fire" video)

I found this interesting in light of an email I saw today - from someone who asked why the church spends so much money on buildings for themselves and things within the U.S. - and seems to ignore world poverty and hunger.

It's a good question. We can't claim ignorance.
What should ministry here in America look like in light of the world?
What's my role in all of that?

Randoms from the Last Week

• I like the State Fair...especially when it doesn't feel like August. I went 2 nights in a row last week with lots of fun people. Highlights: watching random people dance in the Twilight Ballroom and going on rides w/ friends' kids. Yeah, Tilt-o-whirl!
• I have been feeling un-cool somewhat regularly. I've traditionally been okay with that - but every now and then I have junior high/high school thoughts about needing to "fit in." But at the end of the day, I'm pretty comfortable with who I am - whether that's "cool" or not.
• I had an AWESOME "sisters day" last Friday - despite driving all over the eastern part of Illinois. I love shopping in downtown Champaign - makes me feel millions of miles away from Spfld. Best part - Mary finding the Marching Illini hat and then wearing for the rest of the day (pictures may be available later).
• I had an older sister moment on Friday - leaving Bekah at her dorm (on only her second day of being at college). I remember that first year and being alone - just praying it goes well for her. However...she is SO much cooler than me!
• I wonder if being a girl (woman - whatever) in ministry leadership will get easier with age. I know I'm pretty lucky to live in 2005 - and that I'm blessed with many opportunities - but it can still be frustrating (sing it with me, "Oh I'm just a girl - what's my destiny? What I've succombed to is making me numb. Ooooooooh - I've had it up to here!")
• To bring some balance - I've been really excited about being part of the Church lately - and really have been enjoying my role in all of that.
• This is the last week of summer - better make it count.