Monday Randomness

• The reading from Daily Hours included Mary's Magnificat (her song from Luke's gospel) this morning - apparently on March 25th, the church celebrates the angel appearing to her - 9 months before we celebrate Christmas. Kinda neat methinks...
• I had an oil leak in my car from Friday afternoon until this morning. If anyone wanted to stalk me, they could trace a path from my driveway to church. Of course, if anyone were stalking me, those aren't exactly secret locations. (Don't worry, I got it fixed.)
• I wish Rich Mullins were still around writing music.
• I have very encouraging...and patient friends - for which I am extremely grateful. I also have a random encourager here in the office who left this note for me on the dry-erase board outside my office:

A few wicked pics...

Just got the pictures from last Friday's trip - here are a few highlights:

That giant sucking sound isn't another tornado...

...It's the sound of the Big 10's performance in this year's NCAA Tournament.

And that's a shame. Especially my beloved Illini.

I love March Madness: hearing the brackets be announced, filling out brackets for different pools (I ALWAYS pick Illinois to win it all - always), and then watching the first few days of games when teams (especially the underdogs) play with their hearts and hopes on the line. (Go Bradley! And go whatever little school beat UNC! And the team that beat Tennessee...oh yeah, Wichita State!)

And I've been an Illini fan long enough to know how to handle defeat - but some losses are harder than others. I have been known to hold grudges against the teams that knock us out of the tournament (Florida, Kansas, Arizona...). Unfortunately our recent loss to Washington started to remind me of the Elite 8 game in 2001 (the game I refer to as, "the game of which I will not speak"). I tried not to think about it while the game was in progress, it's just hard when it's almost like deja vu. I just have one thing to say: foul trouble is the worst kind of trouble for a Big 10 team in the tournament.

Another level of sadness is saying goodbye to the seniors - it always comes too soon. This year it's especially hard to say goodbye to Dee Brown - one of the most dynamic players Illinois has had in a long time. Not only did I hate that we lost so soon - but I hate for his last college ball experience to be a missed 3-point shot. Dee, thanks for playing 4 years of college ball, thanks for your leadership and energy, and thanks for bringing so much positive press and attention to the Illinois program.

(Happy Illini bball memories here)

This is cheesy - but whatever:

Hail to the orange - hail to the blue
Hail alma mater
Ever so true (so true)
We love no other so let our motto be:
Victory, Illinois! Varsity!

It's all grand, and it's all GREEN!

No, I'm not Irish. But I am LOVING St. Patrick's Day...

I don't know why I use holidays as mile-markers...but it is interesting to use them to see what was going on a year ago (or 2 or 3 or...).

In 2005, a group of us spent a day from our Brooklyn mission trip sight-seeing in Manhattan. I love the city - and that day is a fun memory to look back on:

This is one of my very favorite pictures of one of my very favorite people (on the Staten Island Ferry, no less):















And then in 2006, I was lucky enough to spend one short day in the Windy City with another favorite person.
We were lucky to have pretty nice weather - and we had a GREAT time.
There was:

• Some exploring of downtown (Millenium Park mainly)
• A long windy walk to Navy Pier
• Looking at stained glass (and avoiding Jehovah's Witnesses!)
• Eating ice cream
• The buying of Cubs t-shirts
• Browsing at Borders (one of my most favorite things ever)
• And of course - the Wonderful Wicked.

The show was really great - I may attempt more coherent thoughts on that sometime later. I'm still buzzing from it right now. I also borrowed a camera yesterday, so hopefully I'll have some pictures soon.

I say spending St. Pat's in a BIG city is the way to go...

Everything's the same - except not....

Life's been a little weird lately. Lots of hard things happening around me - to people I love - and it's HARD stuff. And I don't know that I handle it well. I don't know what to say - or what to do. But I can't separate myself from it either - I feel things deeply. And in the midst of all the "stuff" - life seems to go on as normal. Even with something like the tornadoes we had - my house is fine, my car is unscratched, I had power 6 hours later, and I don't have a curfew in my neighborhood. And I have posted the struggle I have [see 9/06/05 entry] before - when you realize that literally every day someone is hurting or struggling - how do you deal with that honestly without slipping down into despair?

I was reading last night from a "seminary" book - and the author quoted this song. Different verses were written in different times throughout history when the various authors faced trials (from the Civil War to the Cold War). Then he mentioned that his favorite version was sung by Eva Cassidy - who sings it soulfully & triumphantly - even though she was in the middle of fighting the cancer that eventually took her life. And somehow - reading it last night - I wanted to sing along:

My life goes on in endless song, above earth's lamentations
I hear the real, though far-off hymn, that hails a new creation
Above the tumult and the strife, I hear its music ringing
It sounds an echo in my soul - how can I keep from singing?

When tyrants tremble, sick with fear, and hear their death-knell ringing
When friends rejoice both far and near - how can I keep from singing?
In prison cell and dungeon vile our thoughts to them are winging
When friends by shame are undefiled - how can I keep from singing?

What though my joys and comforts die, the Lord my Savior liveth
And though the darkness round me close, songs in the night He giveth
No storm can shake my inmost calm while to that Rock I'm clinging
Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth - how can I keep from singing?

(Credit Reggie Kidd, With One Voice - Discovering Christ's Song in Our Worship)

A picture's worth....something, right?

Partly because my brain is fried...

and partly in keeping with the theme of my class from last week (where I learned about multiple forms of communication in worship)...

I would like to sum up my last week in a few pictures:




















And since I'm probably about the only one that this makes sense to - it just goes to show you images can't completely stand alone....

Retrospective

It's now officially March (breaking news, I know)...

and I believe my blog is going to suffer for it. While I'd like to be really thoughtful, insightful, and artistic - I am feeling more disjointed than anything else, lately.

In the next few months and weeks, there is much to do and much to look forward to:

• A week intensive class up north with some really cool worship students
• Quick trips to Indy (maybe) and Chicago, and the viewing of musical productions from the high school to professional level
• The Easter presentations (help us all)
• Easter Sunday (oh my)
• Small Groups Conference (pressure pressure pressure)
• The due date for my really big and scary paper (AAAAHHH pressure pressure pressure)
• GRADUATION (have mercy)

And I'll try to update or reflect on the interesting things - but in the meantime, I'm sure you're wondering why I titled this post "retrospective" if I was just going to look ahead.

Well I wanted to share some noteworthy events from this week. So here they are (with my commentary, of course):

• Getting a voicemail from Phil of the UIUC Black Chorus singing. Best voicemail I've gotten in a long time.
• Seeing people from my small group handle tough things with grace - and seeing a church community come and support each other - it's hard but there is hope.
• Ash Wednesday service with Kara downtown over our lunch. ("Remember you are dust, and to dust you will return.") I also liked the concluding prayer: "As we go, we go with both the sign of our mortality and of the Grace of God. Go faithfully and hopefully in this sign. Go out into the world to make this news known, Jesus Christ has set us free. We are forgiven and made new in the cross of Christ. The Lord bless you now and forever."
• The charge for the parking garage was 50 cents. I had a $20. The parking attendant guy said I was nuts. I look around in my purse and come up with $.35 - he's unimpressed. He tells me TWICE to bring him 15 cents sometime. (Suuuuure)
• Car ride with BB - both of us talking - both of us listening. Good deal. Oh and Sonic drinks too.
• I think that lately my hair looks better in a ponytail than down. Though it probably makes me look "young" - I don't care...
• Lessons were learned as I bid farewell to Plan A, agonized over Plan B's demise, and then dragged a friend into Plan C. (Thanks for your help, anyways...) Plan D will come tomorrow.
• I am blessed beyond what I even can understand - let alone beyond what I consider on a regular basis. I pray that I'm faithful with what I've been given...

an itch you can't scratch

I know this about myself - but I'm realizing it again lately: I have to travel. Seeing someplace new, or someplace "different" energizes me. I love to explore (and I'm really good with maps!), and I love experiencing someplace with all the senses (the taste of local food, the way the ocean smells, hearing the sounds of the city, the way the wind feels in Boston). I love finding out stories about the places I'm visiting (which means I should read more). Maybe it's my creative/artsy side - but I feel very ALIVE when I travel. Central Illinois is great for what it is - but it's not always the most stimulating place...

I definitely took advantage of traveling opportunities in college (though I regret the lack of a long trip to Europe). And now that I'm a "grown-up" it seems so much harder to get away. Part of that is having a full-time job and needing to be here for most of the Sundays. Another part of it is finding someone who I can travel with (but I don't want that to hold me back). I just don't like the idea of going somewhere by myself - I experience life best in community!! (I'll admit - I'm picky about this aspect to a certain point.) And part of it is $$$ - but soon I will graduate from school. So I think 2006 needs to have at least 1 good trip.

Weekend trips to big cities in the Midwest or Allerton Park help...but I'd really like to be any of these places right about now (or soon - I'm not picky):




Man - I love this bridge, and I can't explain why...
I need a good CITY trip.








Europe beckons frequently (though I have never answered)
I want to see a real cathedral someday







Santa Barbara Mission - so beautiful...






Last year the only cool place I went was Brooklyn (for a mission trip) - and I let some of my vacation days expire. NOT cool.

I have GOT to get on top of my vacation plan this year. Where should I go??

The pendulum swings...

I told Kara on the phone last night that I'm a recovering legalist. I've known this for quite some time. I gave her some background, but basically here's what you need to know: I came to the realization early in college that despite my understanding that faith does NOT come through works, I was constantly evaluating my standing with God on very works-based things. This is not an uncommon practice (you've heard of people imagining God with a big tally sheet making checks in a "good" column and a "bad" column) - and I thought I knew better.

Then very early in my freshman year of college I had a random encounter with a Campus Crusade staff member. I didn't know her very well, but she met with me and asked me - out of the blue - to give her a percentage of how certain I was that if I died that night that I would go to heaven. And I thought about it. A variety of things went running through my head - thoughts about how infrequent my quiet time was - amazement at her boldness in asking me this - and then she stopped me. She said, "You know, you can know for sure." At the time I didn't realize that this was a common CRU tactic - I was just stunned at my own thought process. Where did I get confused about God's grace?

I could point to the fact that I grew up very "churched" - between church itself and going to a Christian school from kindergarten through 8th grade. I know lots of Bible stuff. I could point to the heavy emphasis that there was on having a daily "quiet time" in high school. Even though I wasn't sure how exactly how to do it, I knew that I wasn't really doing well if I was inconsistent with it.

And there's that word - consistency. I used to pray for it. I asked other people to pray that I would have it. Thing is, that never really helped me be more consistent. Then I heard a teacher (can't remember where) say that consistency is a false virtue. It's not valuable in and of itself - it's a way to do something, but not the thing itself. Now - I don't think consistency is a bad thing per se - but I don't think it was healthy for me to focus on it as much as I did. It definitely wasn't healthy to continue to beat myself up over my repeated inconsistency with spiritual practices. It for sure didn't bring me any closer to God.

I read Brennan Manning's The Ragamuffin Gospel for the first time in college. I've probably read it 3 times since then. It's been a huge part of my recovery process (from legalism, that is). I've heard people say on more than one occasion that he's repetitive - and that all his writings are the same: "Grace, grace, we're loved, we're loved, blah, blah." And this tends to be my articulate response: "BUT DO YOU UNDERSTAND IT? I don't. I need to keep hearing it." The yelling helps.

In a Christian Ed class last year, a prof said that sometimes books are beneficial in the way that they notice how far the pendulum has swung in one direction - so it tries to be corrective in another direction. Brennan is that way for me. I was looking for something work-related yesterday and got out The Ragamuffin Gospel and looked through my markings (I'm a book-marker).

I just wanted to share these musings, because talking it through with Kara last night was one of the times I've been able to articulate it best. And then I wanted to share just a bit from Ragamuffin Gospel. (It's from the chapter called, "The Victorious Limp.")
And I just realized the quote I'm going to use is from someone else - Lloyd Ogilvie.

"Peter had built his whole relationship with Jesus Christ on his assumed capacity to be adequate. That's why he took his denial of the Lord so hard. His strength, loyalty, and faithfulness were his self-generated assests of discipleship. The fallacy in Peter's mind was this: he believed his relationship was dependent on his consistency in producing the qualities he thought had earned him the Lord's approval. [in my book I underlined this & wrote "wow"]

"Many of us face the same problem. We project into the Lord our own measured standard of acceptance. Our whole understanding of him is based in a quid pro quo of bartered love. He will love us if we are good, moral, and diligent. But we have turned the tables; we try to live so that he will love us, rather than living because he has already loved us."

(I don't think that this gives us license to do whatever we want. I think that this kind of love should compell us. And I think our (my) disobedience might be more out of the fact that we (I) don't understand His love.)

So pray for my recovery...

I can be objective - HONEST!

So I'm going to attempt to review a soon-to-be-released album by one of my favorite bands - Caedmon's Call. I got a pre-release of their newest album, "In the Company of Angels II - The World Will Sing," because they had a deal where worship pastors could preview it. I got it about a week ago and listened to it here and there - but today I sat down with pen and paper to listen INTENTLY to it!

The main things to know about this: it's a worship album. They had one out a few years back that I thought was pretty good. They definitely have some common influence with the Indelible Grace group that re-does old (and often unfamiliar) hymn texts. They also have 3 main vocalists: Cliff Young, Danielle Young, and Andrew Osenga. Cliff sings most of the songs - Danielle and Andy sing 2 apiece. They have a wide variety of songwriters - and my pre-release doesn't give song credits unfortunately. I had expected (because of the subtitle "the world will sing" and because of their previous world-music influenced album) that this album would have lots of ethnic influences - musically and lyrically. That's not the case...for better or worse.

So my overall review: I would put this on a similar level as their previous worship album - it's a good worship album (though I doubt it will be one of my all-time favorites) but it's not on as high of a level as many other Caedmon's albums. However, there are a handfull of really good songs - so I'm glad for those. As a part of the pre-release I was asked to consider how usable the songs are for corporate worship (which is already a primary criteria in my head) - but know that a lot of the review will tilt that way.

Thumbs up:

• The lyrical content is really good. There is lots of substance and depth - without being overly wordy. The themes addressed are ones that are often overlooked in worship songs: Christ's redemptive acts - and what they mean for us, the corporate dimension of Christian worship (more than just me & Jesus), being honest about pain and suffering and putting it in perspective, etc. Lyrically speaking, there is not a bad track on this album.
• I'm almost always a fan of re-done hymns - though it can be tricky to mess with the ones that are really well-known. Draw Me Nearer does the best job with this.
• Andrew Osenga and Danielle Young - the songs that they sing on this album are my favorites. While I've always been drawn to songs Danielle sings (I'm self-centered, I admit, the girl songs are easier to sing) - this album makes me excited that Andy is a part of this band. More for his songwriting than anything else. I loved his songs on Share the Well - and then I decided to buy some old albums from his former band, The Normals. His song, "The Story" from this album is AMAZING. More on it later.

Thumbs...sideways?:

• Cliff's voice - I have a harder time with it on this album for some reason. But I don't want to feel that way.

Thumbs down:

• There is very little that jumps out and GRABS me musically on this album. We could debate how important that is - but for me - I love it when an album draws me in. A few tracks here and then are really great, but overall it's going to be one that grows on me. I think it could... This is Caedmon's Call - and I expect fun driving guitars, really fun percussion, and really fun harmonies (I NEED FUN, dangit)...or I expect experimentation. And there are just a good number of tracks that sound like they would fit right in on Christian radio (and that's all I'll say about that).

Stand-out tracks (with selections of lyrics):

Draw Me Nearer - A re-working of a familiar hymn. The music is really nice - but the best part is an added bridge where Danielle sings (almost ad-libbing): "You draw me with Your mercy, You draw me with your love, You draw me with forgiveness by your blood, etc."

Rest Upon Us - I think that this song does a good job of expressing need - but calling out to God in specific ways, expressing faith(vs. I need you, I need you, I need you, etc.). A sample of the chorus: "Holy Spirit rest upon us, breath of God touch my soul, Come unfailing love of Jesus, rest upon us, rest upon us"

Fellowship - I love the content of the lyrics - the theme is really cool - singing together about Christ's redemption but then what that means for us as a community. I love the 2nd verse especially: "We can feel His love among us; We can sing redemption's songs; We can hear the Spirit call us to a place where we belong; For His joy is in our laughter and His comfort in our grief; His love here and ever after will be the language that we speak." This song is a great lyric/music combo - and could be singable...

Be Merciful to Me - love love love the SOUND of this song. The simple piano and the percussion - plus Danielle's soft vocals - it's great. The chorus is really simple and repetitive: "Be merciful to me, be merciful to me, through shadow dark and valley deep, be merciful to me" - though the repetition of "Be merciful to me" reminds me of repeating the traditional Kyrie/Christe Eleison phrases "Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy." I'm curious to see later how much of the lyrics here are original or if it's an old text.

The Story - THIS IS MY FAVORITE SONG EVER. (Sorry for the yelling) Well, I don't know about ever - but I really really like it. I'm probably tainted by my worship seminary brain - and while this isn't a corporate worship song - it's a REALLY good song. But there is something about needing to be reminded of the bigger picture - that Christ is victorious. Andy's songwriting is just really great. I'm going to share lots of lyrics - because I like them, and it's my blog and I can do what I want!

• Chorus: "Oh can tell me the story of all of Your glory,
  of Your rising again.
  Cause I'm in love with the mystery of how our sad history
  can turn out for good."
• 2nd verse: "And the bitter man is angry
  and the angry man just thinks he's right.
  Too right to see mercy -
  but he's standing in its light.
  We can shed tears over dying -
  we can rage & fight -
  but we cannot forget that we were loved before we opened up our eyes -
  such foolish pride"
• And the bridge - holy cow -
  "It's a shame to build our homes with bricks of fear and cynical stones.
  There is nothing left to run from, there is nothing left but..."

This is from my notes when I was listening through the album: "Andy O is the MAN"

And there you go - the album is released March 7th - and you should either buy it - or buy the top songs from iTunes. Thank you for reading...

Old thoughts re-pondered...

Today I was looking through some old notes in journals I've kept. Not personal journals (though I keep those too). These have sermon notes, notes from conferences, quotes I want to remember - that sort of thing.

I have realized something about myself: I take long amounts of time to really "get" certain concepts. You could say that ideas need to "marinate" - or that I'm a "slow learner." Doesn't really matter - but there were a couple things that I wanted to process here.

There's a certain worship scholar (Dr. Wwwwwhat's-his-name) that I have heard a lot from over the past 3 years. Some of that has been through books, some has been in person, and some has been through his influence on other people around me. He says some really good things (which I'm about to mention) - but he also has said a certain amount of things that confused/frustrated me (which will remain unnamed for now).
I have heard him teach twice in person over the past 2 years - and I was reviewing my notes from both of those. A couple things jumped out at me - but I'll share just one thing for the time being.

He was talking about how in early Christianity - people didn't only confess belief in Christ when they were baptized - they also verbally renounced Satan. I think the phrase was, "I renounce Satan and all his works" or something like that. (They also spit to emphasize the point. I love it.) It sounds rather funny at first.

But then he compared it to the traditional marriage vows. You know - the part that says - "and forsaking all others..." And that somehow doesn't seem as ridiculous. I mean - we're all for fidelity and faithfulness in marriage. (He BETTER forsake all others. Shoot.)

And I think there's a point to be made there.

We don't just accept Christ - we also reject Satan. And we reject his control on our life. And we reject sin. How often do we rest so much in grace that we betray the vow we made to accept Christ as Lord or act in a way that is unfaithful to that relationship?

This is all part of a larger thought I've had lately about sin - and how we rarely identify it in ourselves or call it what it is - SIN.

What do you think? How do you react to that idea?

Valentine's Day makes me sick

Okay - so today I'm sick. Blech. Whatever.

But it made me think. Last year this same time I was sick too (as in, the days immediately following Valentine's Day). The only reason I remember is I was supposed to play the horn for Spear's concert but had to back out at the last minute. I was going through some stuff the other day and found the note from the flowers he sent me (I'm a packrat. I confess it.). And the date on it was Feb 18th.

So - I wonder - does Valentine's Day make me sick?

And if so - what should I do next year??

I welcome your advice.

Without love whatever we do is worth nothing

From today's mid-day office readings:

The Prayer Appointed for the Week
O Lord, you have taught us that without love whatever we do is worth nothing: Send your Holy Spirit and pour into my heart your greatest gift, which is love, the true bond of peace and of all virtue, without which whoever lives is accounted dead before you. Grant this for the sake of your only Son Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

The Concluding Prayer of the Church
Almighty God, our heavenly Father, the privilege is ours to share in the loving, healing, reconciling mission of your Son Jesus Christ, our Lord, in this age and wherever we are. Since without you we can do no good thing:

May your Spirit make us wise;

May your Spirit guide us;

May your Spirit renew us;

May your Spirit strengthen us;

So that we will be:

Strong in faith,

Discerning in proclamation,

Courageous in witness,

Persistent in good deeds.

This we ask through the name of the Father.

Church of the Province of the West Indies

A total class act

A quick tribute to my all-time favorite Olympian, Michelle Kwan.

She dropped out of the Olympics yesterday [edit: Sunday], and I had two STRONG emotions: sadness and respect.

I have been a fan of Kwan's for a long time.
I'm not 100% sure why I always liked her. She's pretty close to my age, she has always carried herself with grace and humility, and I just enjoy watching her skate.

I remember being in 8th grade and watching her at the U.S. Nationals. It was the year of the Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding mess - and Michelle skated really well. She ended up being the alternate for the Olympics that year. Her innocence in the middle of all the drama was striking.

Then I remember when she got the silver in Nagano my senior year of high school. I heard about it during a music rehearsal and I was SO bummed (and I repent of the nasty things I said about Tara Lipwhatshername).

My senior year of college I watched her fall in the long program in the '02 games. I do not repent of beating Fuzz with a slipper for making fun of her. That I stand by.

Am I sad Michelle never won Olympic gold? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. However, I have to applaud her decision not to compete. She is still one of the best American figure skaters of all time (http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/winter06/figure/columns/story?id=2328132).

And I wrote this blog entry last night - but couldn't post it (Blogger was being dumb). Then today I saw that Kari blogged about it too (though more articulately). And there you have it.

Nerd Alert

A snapshot of my mind today:

• Should we pray Trinitarianly? I was pondering this yesterday as I addressed God as "Father" and wrapped up the prayer "in Jesus' Name." The Holy Spirit is missing in a lot of my spirituality. It's a similar question as "should we worship the Holy Spirit"? The answer probably involves some study.... Melissa said she knows someone who would open a prayer with, "Oh Holy Trinity..." Heh. And she also pointed out that we can pray in an awareness of the Spirit's presence and activity. Which I do sometimes - but overall the Spirit's power isn't something we talk about much - or see much. And then this whole thought brings me back to the Divine Hours & the Gloria prayer...
• Walking up the church stairs after lunch, I was glad that I'm not Catholic. I saw a communion wafer on the floor, and I was happy that I didn't have to eat it.

More Resurrection Talk

A few quotes that are wandering through my head after a Saturday in good ol' Lincoln:

“The gospels do not narrate the actual resurrection of Christ, but rather its discovery by Jesus’ disciples and his subsequent appearances to them. Thus the Resurrection retains that aura of mystery, the sense of the numinous, as an extraordinary manifestation of the power of God which cannot be encompassed by the grasp of the rational mind. To narrate the event itself would be to divest it of its gripping quality, just as artistic representations of it are unsuccessful.” - Richard C. Leonard
(don't you think numinous is a great word?!?)

“The third day he rose from the dead: this tells me nothing about me, but everything about God. The resurrection of Jesus is a mass of trumpets announcing that God is God, that Jesus really was the Messiah, that the Lord of the universe has just left a large signature on this planet, that inexplicable power resides in God’s arm, that God’s love triumphs over every dark for, even death itself. God is glorified. God be praised.” - James C. Howell
(When will we get that it's not about us?)

“I belong to the God whose first and finest achievement was an empty place.” - James C. Howell
(I am still processing his point here...it's a tough one)

Up from the grave He arose (He arose)

Okay - it's time for some audience participation. Or maybe audience pondering. Whatever.

(Though seeing how most people who read this blog are people I see in person - or who I've never met and are from a far-away country - this could be interesting.)

When I say "the resurrection" - what comes to mind?
Any thoughts, images, emotions?

How about this - how does the resurrection affect your relationship with God? How does it affect your worship of Him?

This may be a recurring topic in my life for the next few months, as I am likely writing a paper about how we should talk about the resurrection in our worship services.

And now I need to close all internet browsers and really type (the paper - it's just a blank Word document for now). But I am curious to hear any thoughts related....

And as He stands in victory - sin's curse has lost its grip on me...

Happy Thoughts

So my blog has become completely random. And that might be an accurate representation of my personality. While I do hope to add some thought with depth and insight in the near future - you are left with random thoughts that make me happy.

• Clean apartment - many thanks to the roommate
• Pickle - you complete me!
• It's a frickin CELINE DION MOUSEPAD. How cool is that?!?
• How can you not see people looking in your window? Yep - we're THAT stealth
• Acting 13...16...whatever
• Imo's on Mondays
• 2 phone calls from Phil in one day
• Text messages involving Robert Tilton and Music Man quotes (::swoon::)

This One's For the Girls....

You are killing all of my wonder. (KILLER!!)

Shortie got a job, shortie got a car, shortie can pay her own rent....I just want real love.

Different from the ones before - cause I know she loves the Lord - she's THAT kind of girl

And it's all your fault I screen my phone calls - no matter who calls I screen my phone calls

Forever and ever - you'll stay in my heart - and I will love you forever and ever...

Playing with matches, a girl can get BURNED. So bring me no ring, groom me no groom, find me no find, catch me no catch - unless he's a matchless match

Because I knew you - I have been changed for good

No matter what I'm wearin' I will always be Beeeeeethanyyyyyy

I could not love you any better, I love you just the way you are

I'd gladly give up my freedom - to be held in your captivity

When I am weak, unable to speak, still I can call You by name.

Could it be that He is only waiting there to see if I will learn to love the dreams that He has dreamed for me?

Oh, but you don't know what's coming. Don't you know the One who holds tomorrow?

Lord, I know if you change my mind, You will change my heart in time.

How deep the Father's love for us - how VAST beyond all measure.

You're beautiful the way you are.

My surroundings

This might say something about me - might not. I'm opening myself up for psychoanalysis!

Things on my Bulletin Board:

• Worship Schedules
• Staff phone directory
• Black and White old New York City calendar (I always get one of these from World Market - it lets me travel by turning my head. This month's is Grand Central Station - with the light pouring in. LOVE IT!)
• A flower made from popped balloons (from 40 Days of Purpose)
• Pictures from 3 weddings - Melissa, cousin Sarah, and Orange & Blue
• Estefani - my Compassion kid
• A card that says: "Pray for...Young Adult Ministry at West Side & Young Adults in the Community" from vision night #1 back in the day!
• A sticker that says, "I voted" (I had to beg for that...)
• A picture of Melissa and I in the infamous yellow office
• A picture from lunch at Granny's
• A birthday note from Phil (2003)
• A cross ornament from Spear
• The Beattitudes art from the first Gathering (which still looks awesome, Kara)
• A cartoon about lipstick that was given to me by a woman who was trying to win me over to her lipstick side (I still don't wear it)
• A small piece of paper where Melissa wrote her married name about 6 months before her wedding. I used to look at it to get used to it. I think it helped.
• An Illini basetball poster from the 2003-2004 season
• A cross-stitched piece from MaryAnn
• Phone numbers for people that I never called (mostly high school acquantances
• A dried red rose

Things on my Computer monitor:

• A pink piece of paper with Psalm 86:11-13 on it - Diane B. put it on there for the women's conference
• An index card that says: "Clarity of Mission flows from purity of worship" - I still don't know who said that...
• 2 fortune cookie fortunes (I LOVE fortune cookie fortunes): "You'll never know what you can do until you try" and "Your love life will be happy and harmonious."

So what do you think this says about me??