Notes and Thoughts from the Conference (so far)

This week I'm in Austin, TX at the National Worship Leaders Conference.

For the sake of sharing and processing, here are some assorted notes, sound-bytes and thoughts presented rather randomly. If something here doesn't have enough context to make sense or you'd like to talk about it more, let me know.

• Scotty Smith: "Rather than turning the audience into god, let us turn to God as our audience"
• Constant theme for me this summer: authentic worship brings justice and shows mercy in practical ways (see Zechariah 7, Amos 5)
• I'm not a big fan of the multitude of moving images behind worship song lyrics - a little goes a long way. I also find that I am paying more attention to the images than the words (and they are rarely syncronized thematically).
• Fernando Ortega + string quartet + meditative worship = refreshing
• Shaun Groves: Analogy of our old self vs. our new self - It's like having 2 dogs. Which do you feed and which do you starve? This can be a practical self-examination question. If I do this/watch this/say this/etc., which dog am I feeding?
• To be authentic as a worship leader, don't ignore your struggles (God's power is made perfect in our weakness)
• Ross Parsley: Discipleship happens in doing ministry together (not just over coffee). Purpose bonds people.
• Ross Parsley: analogy of worship as coming around the Family Table - when people from multiple generations are there, it shapes what happens. Church shopping is weird because in life, people don't choose their families. We must be concerned about the whole family, not just with what we like.
• (More Ross Parsley) Discipleship process:
  You Do - They Watch
  You Do - They Help
  You Help - They Do
  You Watch - They Do
• Marva Dawn is much better to listen to than to read (so you can see her whole personality & see/hear her heart for God)
• Marva Dawn: "I'm not opposed to new songs...if they're theologically sound and musically singable."

There's more I could say - but it's been a tiring week...and tomorrow's the last day of the conference (and it's a full one). Hopefully coming soon: stories from my attempts to navigate Austin.

Midsummer Favorites

Summer goes FAST. Here are some of my reviews of what I've seen/heard/read this summer (so far - there is still plently of fun to be had).

• Movie:
  I didn't expect this, but Ratatouille is by far my favorite movie of the summer. I had heard it was good, but I enjoyed it SO. MUCH. If you have seen it, I would love to talk to you about it and see what you thought. If you haven't, then I highly recommend it. I thought it was a beautiful film with a lot to ponder and enjoy. I am not into cuisine/food that much, but I connected to it as an artist quite a bit.
• Worship CD:
  I got a worship CD from Mars Hill Church in Michigan (where Rob Bell preaches) a few weeks ago. It is a breath of fresh air. It's a recording from a local church - there's lots of spiritually rich content, the music is good and designed for congregational singing, it's fun (lots of different styles), and there are a lot of great original songs. You can listen to it streaming online - and all of the chord charts/lead sheets are available online for free. Great great great.
• Book:
  This one's harder - because I've started several books - and have finished very few. (I'm still working on Harry Potter - and the Dan Kimball book I mentioned a few posts earlier.) I'm still going to say Orthodoxy by G.K. Chesterton - though I'm not far into it. I've already discovered that Rich Mullins had to have read this book (there are some definitely references to Chesterton in his lyrics).

And while I'm at it, here are some other things I'm excited about lately:

• Playing in the municipal band. While this is a major time commitment, it has felt good to get back into the groove of playing with an ensemble. I'm also getting to meet lots of new people. It's amazing to play alongside people who have played their instruments and played in this ensemble for decades. We've played a wide variety of music so far & it's fun to play for the family (grandparents!) and friends who are loyal enough to endure the heat!
• The Africa series at church. I knew it would be exciting, but it really is cool to be challenged by what's going on in another part of the world and pray together as a church about how to respond.

Toronto Travel Journal #4

I really wish I had a more creative format to this whole travel journal, but I am not feeling particularly inspired. My apologies.

Another day in Toronto, another day of shopping and eating!

The girls walked around the University of Toronto - which had some fabulous, old architecture. The forecast today was for rain, but there was barely a cloud in the sky. We took lots of pictures of the campus buildings & definitely hit up the bookstore. Not too far away was an upscale shopping area - Yorkville. The main street had the large, super fancy stores (Tiffanys, Louis Vuitton, etc.). We parked a few blocks in and walked around for a while. It ended up being a reverse of yesterday - Mary was really tired and Mom & I could've shopped much longer. We had especially good luck at a yoga store (Mary got a swimsuit & I got ridiculously comfortable - and cheap - flipflops) and Roots.

Probably my favorite stop of the day, however, was Pusateri's - a food market. It didn't look like much from the outside, but it was an upscale grocery in the heart of this neighborhood. It was amazing to walk through.

Tonight was another fancy meal - this time at Morton's - a steakhouse. It was excellent (especially dessert). On the drive home, Mary and I hopped out of the car because we saw that the Toronto Jazz Festival was still happening. We couldn't really see the people playing - it was housed in a tent (for the people who purchased tickets). We could, however, still hear a bit. We walked around for a while and took our time walking back to the hotel. I was glad we got to walk down Queen Street West one more time - it's a fun neighborhood that we've walked through almost every day here. Mary has been kind enough to let me use her camera on this trip. Tonight I took a picture of The Fat Belgian (just one of the restaurants nearby - including Joe Mamas and Hey Lucy). It's exciting to walk around a big city at night when it's still very much alive.

Tomorrow's the final day of vacation. We're going to attempt to get up a bit earlier than we have been. Plans are to hit up Tim Horton's one last time, visit the Casa Loma, and then head home.

See y'all in the U.S.

Toronto Travel Journal #3

Today was a hot day in the lovely city of Toronto. Mom, Mary, and I made some special memories - starting at Urban Outfitters (and all of their AMAZING Saved By the Bell t-shirts), then trying to find a Goodwill Store (that had been torn down), visiting a super cool Market, shopping every place we could find, and eating at Quiznos.

You might think that after all of this fun that we'd call it a day. But not us! We ventured to a new part of the city (Chinatown) to find Kensington Market - home to lots of vintage shops. Mary needed to go there. The heat, some blisters, some construction, and some map-reading deficiencies slowed us down....but we prevailed (just barely)! Fortunately, our hotel serves Diet Dr. Pepper.

Then tonight we got dressed up and were treated to a super-nice dinner at the top of the CN Tower. Despite the fancy surroundings, we remained true to our Clampton roots - eating too much, laughing a lot, and taking lots of pictures.

Quotes of the day:

• Bethany: "Hey guys, look it's a Flatiron Building!"
  Mary: "That's not a flatiron"
  
• Dad: "Look what I got today. I got a bag, a pen that lights up, a yellow sucker...and an iPod shuffle!"
  
• Girl who gave Dad the iPod shuffle: "It plays music."

Toronto Travel Journal #2

It's late & I don't have too much to document, so I'll do bullet point highlights from the day.

• We slept in and ate at Tim Horton's for breakfast. Good donuts.
• It was a gorgeous day - and we walked around & shopped most of the day.
• We tried to find the PATH (an underground walkway with shops that goes around a large section of downtown) - but the entrance we wanted to use was being blocked by the bomb squad. We will try it another day.
• I had my first international driving experience. It was only 10 blocks or so. I feel empowered.
• Mary and I were on our own tonight. We compromised on food choices - Subway for dinner and crepes for dessert. I had a dark chocolate and banana crepe...very nice.
• Mary noticed an Umbra store - I'd seen their products in stores back home, but it was cool to see a bunch of their stuff in one place.
• At Umbra, I found this book - "Toilets of the World" - it was actually pretty fascinating. A store employee saw me looking at it and said it was one of her favorite books.
• I'm definitely getting my big city fix - which is a very good thing. The fact that it's a city outside the U.S. is a big bonus.

Toronto Travel Journal #1

I'm on vacation, kids! Pretty exciting. I'll try to keep a bit of a travel journal of all of the interesting things we do and some snapshots of the family fun.

After the 3 services this morning, Josh was kind enough to drive me to St. Louis through torrential rain. He also got to see me get stressed about not getting to the airport on time (I'm a bit high-strung when it comes to traveling by air). Good times so far...

I was scheduled to fly out of St. Louis to Chicago O'Hare leaving St. Louis at 3:51pm (Central) - connecting to Toronto by about 9pm (Eastern). I got to my gate in plenty of time - just to see that they'd changed my gate number. At my original gate number, I noticed a flight departing at a nearby gate that was going directly to Toronto. I chuckled about how much faster that flight would make it to Canada. Not too much later, the airline attendant paged a passenger with my last name for that flight. While my last name is pretty common, I thought - I'm a high-strung traveler - maybe I should just make sure I'm not doing the wrong thing. I went up to the counter and told the lady why I was confused. She somewhat listened, but quickly said, "Well, do you want to go straight to Toronto?" I was a bit surprised - but after a few questions, a lot of fast work by her (including getting my bag switched), and a text message to my family that I'd be coming sooner than planned - I was on a direct flight to Toronto! How cool is that?!?

(I landed in Toronto at 6pm Eastern. Turns out my flight out of Chicago was delayed and didn't arrive here until 10:35pm Eastern.)

So I got to walk around downtown Toronto and eat dinner with my family tonight - and already, I'm VERY impressed with this city. It's really clean, very pretty (right on the lake), and we've already seen some serious shopping potential. Yay vacation!

Other quick notes from the day:

• Mary: "I left my pillow and blanket in the car because Dad didn't want me to carry it through the hotel lobby looking like the Clamptons."
  Bethany: "The who?"
  Mary: "The Clamptons!"
  Bethany: "You mean...the Clampetts?"
  Mary: "Whatever"
  
• Note to self: wearing Illinois apparel will make you friends in large cities - even internationally (though the thousands of engineers in town doesn't hurt the odds). I made a friend on the airport shuttle who went to the U of I - and met another random Illinoisian in the restaurant. I was not surprised by this in Chicago (with my awesome orange and blue scarf) - but I didn't expect it in Canada
  

What's Right in My World

I just returned from 7 straight days of traveling (an unusual occurrence for me). I've been in several states for several reasons - but it's been really great. The first part of my trip (to Indiana and Kentucky) provided me a chance to relax and be with the Spear clan. I caught my first fish (there are pictures - will share if/when I am able) and went tubing for the first time. The second leg was the Willow Creek Arts Conference which is something I always look forward to. I got home tonight and my brain feels very full. The theme of the conference was Hallelujah: What's Right with the World - and I just wanted to process some of what I experienced. (To see some pictures taken at the event - not by me - go here and here.)

• I am always challenged at Willow about the value of building relationships with non-Christians. This conference was no exception. Part of that message came via Dan Kimball, who talked about his new book, They Like Jesus, But Not the Church. After talking with lots of people outside the church, Dan came up with 6 things that people frequently think about the church - and I think he's right on in voicing these common hang-ups. I think a lot of these are big issues for people and I'm excited to read the book and dialogue with some people about it.
• I got to see the arts team from Mosaic (a church in LA - where Erwin McManus teaches) twice at the conference. They have a dance/performance group, and I was reminded again of how much dance (especially when done with high skill and passion) moves me in a way I can't really explain. The dancers are able to express emotions in such a visible way that I wish I could come close. So amazing.
• The Blue Man Group and their weird version of audience participation/engagement. Also, biggest toilet paper party ever.
• A commitment to tell a better story with my life and to tell the best Story.

And I want to add to the beauty
To tell a better story
I want to shine with the light
That's burning up inside
(Sara Groves)

Praying with the Church

When it comes to reading, I have some definite habits. I don't mind reading non-fiction if its something practical (work or school or just interesting), but it rarely grabs my attention in a way that makes me unable to put it down. It usually feels like work to make it through a non-fiction book. Fiction, on the other hand, has a way of getting me to stay up all night reading and to take the book with me everywhere until I'm finished with it. I've been that way ever since my teen days (Christy Miller, anyone?) - and experienced it last fall with the Harry Potter series. There are times when I'm jealous of people (Melissa) who get jazzed about reading things that are very practical. Rather than read about church or ministry, I like to travel and escape and explore through books! Can you blame me?

However, this past week, I got this book ("Praying with the Church" by Scot McKnight). And I didn't want to put it down. I've messed around with fixed prayers for the past few years (which I've blogged about before). I think it appeals to me because it's different from what I grew up with - and it incorporates practices from church history that are rich theologically. What's great about this book is how simply McKnight gives the history of fixed prayers (from Israel's practice to Jesus and the first Christians, then through Christian history), makes a case for how they can be formative spiritually, and discusses how to get started in a very practical way. I love that he's from an evangelical perspective that stays away from this type of prayer; consequently, he handles the common reaction that people from that background can have (it's too Catholic, can be insincere, etc.).

A common theme for this approach to prayer is creating a rhythm of prayer that gives structure and centeredness to our days. And by praying prayers like the Lord's Prayer, we join Christians throughout the world (and throughout time) who are praying/have prayed the same thing.

So, I started doing morning and evening prayers again this week. I've already been blessed and challenged by it. I use Phyllis Tickle's volumes, The Divine Hours. Here's a hymn that she included that just blew me away (especially after praying the Lord's Prayer several times this week):

“Forgive our sins as we forgive,”
You taught us, Lord, to pray,
But you alone can grant us grace
To live the words we say

How can your pardon reach and bless
The unforgiving heart
That broods on wrongs and will not let
Old bitterness depart?

In blazing light your cross reveals
The truth we dimly knew:
What trivial debts are owed to us,
How great our debt to you!

Lord, cleanse the depths within our souls
And bid resentment cease.
Then, bound to all in bonds of love,
Our lives will spread your peace.

-Rosamond E. Herklots

Why I don't like country music.

If someone asks me what kind of music I like, my standard answer is, "Virtually anything. Except country." There are times when I wonder if I should say that. I really do enjoy most music. Some people include rap in the list of music they don't like - but I have to say that there are some rap songs I enjoy. (Not the super gansta variety - but I'm not categorically opposed to the genre.) But I do draw the line at country music. Perhaps I should clarify - it's more a distaste for mainstream country. Bluegrass and folk music - I have NO problem with. In fact, I've been discovering those genres more and more in recent years. But the question persisted, am I being overly judgemental?

Maybe I dislike country music because I didn't grow up listening to it. Or maybe because of all those 4H parties Bruns invited me to in college (long story).

But perhaps I'm hypocritical. I like the Dixie Chicks & some Martina McBride. And I have attended a Shania Twain concert (but I didn't buy the ticket). And Carrie Underwood is good (but of course). Then, not too long ago, Brandi put a Lyle Lovett song on a mix CD - and I really liked it! So, I wondered if I should reconsider my general dislike.

Then, about a week ago, I was driving through rural Illinois. The only stations that I could get were country stations. I submit to you 2 songs that I heard:

Exhibit A:
Yeah, an' I like my women just a little on the trashy side,
When they wear their clothes too tight and their hair is dyed.
Too much lipstick an' er too much rouge....
An' I like my women just a little on the trashy side.
From "Trashy Women" - by Confederate Railroad

Mmmmmkaaaaaay. Not the greatest song ever. But, I'm a fair person. There are bad songs in every genre. But then, literally, the next song I heard was...Exhibit B. I'll start the lyrics from where I heard the song start (I had switched over to a different country station).

Exhibit B:
You know every guy in here tonight
Would like to take you home
But I've got way more class than them
Babe that ain't what I want.

'Cause I'd like to see you out in the moonlight
I'd like to kiss you way back in the sticks
I'd like to walk you through a field of wildflowers
(And at this point, I'm thinking...see...this is a much sweeter song. I was wrong to judge country music. But! Then the song continues...)

And I'd like to check you for ticks.

Excuse me?
Did he just say that?
Unfortunately, I heard correctly. ("Ticks" by Brad Paisley)

And I think I said to myself, outloud, "and THAT is why I don't like country music!"

This post especially for worship ministers in Spfld - and - anyone else who still reads my blog

So - I was talking to a friend this morning - who teased me again for neglecting my blog. Daniel, when we spoke, I neglected to tell you about the post I made yesterday, although I'm sure it might not count as an official post (since it's mostly just talking about not posting and then giving a link). I'm sorry about that - but hopefully 2 new posts count for something.

My question - which is open for anyone who might be reading - is what should I blog about? I feel this pressure that my blog should be high quality. However, I will forego that if it is popular.

Possible options include:

• The french horn
• Stevie Wonder
• TLC's What Not to Wear
• American Idol
• Shopping
• My spring mix CD
• Or...another topic of your choosing

(I know it's all pretty much fluff. I'm okay with that.)

So...let me know what you think.

It's been a while - aaaaand I'm lame

So, when asked, I've been saying I haven't been feeling the blogging thing lately. It's true. I don't think I've had much to say/share. UNTIL NOW! (just kidding)

I actually just wanted to share an article that my dad sent me this week. It's long - but really worth the read.

Pearls Before Breakfast

It's a story about a famous violinist who participates in an experiment - he played (incognito) in a DC subway station during rush hour. Peoples' reactions were interesting. I'd say more...but it's really just worth reading. (I know...lame blog entry...but you can't accuse me of false advertising.)

Six Weird Things about Me

I was tagged by Brandi - so here goes!
SIX WEIRD THINGS ABOUT ME

1. I am generally anti-condiment. If I have a choice, I'd rather not have ketchup, mustard, mayo, etc. I was a picky eater as a kid (which I have definitely grown out of). But now I think it's more an issue of consistency than taste. I just don't like cold, wet things on burgers, sandwiches, etc. Some people might call it boring - but I say I'm a purist ;o)
   
2. I have only experienced real anxiety in one specific situation - canoeing. It's the closest thing to a phobia that I have...and it's definitely irrational. I have canoed a total of 5 times in my life (once with family and then a bunch of times with the church youth group). It's not tied to a traumatic experience, nor is it a fear of water. There's something about the perceived instability of a canoe that really freaks me out.
   
3. I memorized the entire McDonalds commercial from the 80's where the girl is playing Fur Elise in a piano recital and thinking about going to McDonalds afterwards. I'll sing it for you sometime if you'd like ("how I wish I were already there, instead of here, I hate this song...and then I would have a chocolate shake, a cheeseburger, and also - woops- and also fries...and I would eat the fries myself and not give any to my dumb brother...").
   
4. If I need some time to myself, I take a long drive around town - but inevitably end up in Chatham (usually without intending to). Several of my friends know this, because the car is one of my favorite places to talk. So they've ended up in Chatham with me.
   
5. I often sleep with one arm above my head. (To clarify [Kara] - that means resting on my pillow above my head - not in the air.)
   
6. I've never had a cavity, I've never broken a bone (besides a pinkie toe - doesn't really count), I've never had stitches, I don't wear contacts/glasses, and I never had braces. (However, I've always wanted glasses - I thought they'd make me look smart. I hope someday I'll need some reading glasses.)

That was harder than I expected. I know there have to be weird things about myself that I'm forgetting - yes?
(I admit, after reading several of these [Brandi, Kari, Andrea] I'm starting to think that it's weird that I DON'T type or sign along with songs or thoughts!)

And I am tagging just a couple people - Kara & Bethany B.

Springfield in the spotlight

It was a little odd to see my hometown in the national media today. Mr. Obama decided to use the historic Old State Capitol as the location to announce his presidential candidacy - which brought quite a few people here this weekend. I was listening to AM radio in my car this morning and heard a Springfield DJ interviewing international media who were here to cover the event. Pretty amazing. It made me proud of my hometown and home state.

However, it the middle of all of the excitement, I came across an article written by a writer from the local paper. It's sobering - and yet it provides some perspective on the issue of race in Springfield. It's true we're the hometown of Abraham Lincoln, but we're also home to an infamous race riot just under a century ago. Here's the link to the article - It's Not a Day to Forget Our Shame.

and everywhere I go I see...

I don't go see movies in the theater very often, but the past few movies I've seen in the theater, I've had an odd experience.

Example 1: Last December, I went to see The Holiday with some girl friends (it's a chick flick - w/ Kate Winselt, Cameron Diaz, Jude Law, etc.). We weren't too far into the movie when all of a sudden (to my great surprise) - John Krasinski shows up on screen! (If you don't know who that is, he plays Jim on The Office.) Well, I got excited and said to my friend Kara, "I did NOT know he was in this movie!" As it turns out, he was only in one scene. I looked for him the rest of the movie, but he wasn't there. (Sadness.)

Example 2: This week, I finally made it to see Dreamgirls (I like a good musical, and it was a childhood ambition of mine to be a backup singer in a girls group). It was a pretty fast-paced movie - we're going through decades and singing and having fun. Then, over 2/3rds of the way through the movie - "Wait a second. What is Jim doing in THIS movie??" He was playing some artsy/hippie assistant to John Lithgow in one scene. I don't think he had any lines - but I don't really remember because I was so surprised that he was in Dreamgirls. Is it just me, or does that not make any sense?!? I was just waiting for him to look directly into the camera and make a goofy face (probably referring to Beyonce's outfit).

So, I'm thinking, what other current movies could Jim show up in? At this point, not much would surprise me.

Randomness & links

If you're anything like me, you've probably had some conversations/opinions about Christian radio. I was really interested to see that Christianity Today is starting a series of articles discussing Christian radio - its history, demographic, method of picking songs, and its future. The first installment is here.

I finally downloaded Sandra McCracken's hymn album today; I like it. Lots. You can stream it and read about it here.

A cool video made by a church up in Naperville here. (I give credit to the children's ministry staff for forwarding it to me.)

And a random observation - the total number of Sufjan tracks I've listened to on last.fm is 666. Kinda creepy, no?

Oh - and LOST is taking over my life. The Joshes and I are trying to catch up before the new episodes start next month (we're more than halfway through Season 2). Unfortunately, I still haven't seen the 2 latest episodes of The Office (the Christmas one or the one from last week).

Love Alone

Have you ever realized that there is a recurring theme in your life?

Lately, I feel constantly reminded that God is in the small things. And if I'm not watching Him, I may miss what He's doing or what He wants to do.

The Christmas season can be distracting in its flashiness and hectic pace, but the story of God's coming is in direct contrast. The devotionals I read and the "messy Christmas" worship series frequently spoke of how simple and poor Christ's birth was. Aside from Mary, Joseph, some shepherds, and Eastern magi, it was not noticed at the time.

I also had a spiritual moment yesterday during a hospital visit. An elderly man (who is in hospice and unable to communicate) wouldn't let go of my hand after I prayed with him. It's hard to explain, but I had this moment where I was reminded that when we serve, we serve Christ. It's a reminder that I need.

Then yesterday, I ran across this poem in one of my Advent devotionals. (From the author, I realized that they're actually lyrics from Amahl and the Night Visitors, which I had purchased a CD of for Spear's birthday last fall. These words are sung by one of the kings on his way to worship Christ.) It challenged me with this same idea...

The Child we seek
doesn’t need our gold.
On love, on love alone
he will build his kingdom.
His pierced hand will hold no scepter,
his haloed head will wear no crown;
his might will not be built
on your toil.
Swifter than lightning
he will soon walk among us.
He will bring us new life
and receive our death,
and the keys to his city
belong to the poor.

-Gian Carlo Menotti

inexpressible comfort

Haven't had much to say/blog lately...

but I came across this quote tonight:

"Friendship is the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful, friendly hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of comfort, blow the rest away." - George Eliot

I have experienced more than a few of these moments in several friendships lately. It's rare to feel both transparent and secure simultaneously - and I am grateful for the faithful friends in my life who provide comfort and wisdom....

26 Updates

Since last I blogged...

1. I took a few days off to chill with Melissa in St. Louis
2. I discovered that I not only enjoy the fancy Marriott beds - but the Courtyard Marriott ones are pretty sweet too
3. I was appalled to hear Christmas music blaring while shopping in the first few days of November (Little Drummer Boy was bad - but Feliz Navidad set me over the edge)
4. I learned the wrong way to store leftover cheesecake in a hotel room (in the ice bucket)
5. I ate waaaaay too much at Maggiano's
6. I had to renew my driver's license (fortunately I did so online since I met the requirements - my legal name and gender have not changed)
7. I got a piano in my office - I should play it
8. I had a random World Market employee tell me 2 really stupid jokes
9. I had a good birthday - presents included a dream dictionary and music note earrings (my ears aren't pierced)
10. I had a party that involved crackers and cheese in shapes (!!)
11. I started getting psyched for Advent - looking forward to using a new devotional this season
12. I have been especially grateful for my friendship with Melissa - for the sense of authenticity and security that it provides - and its longevity (6 years so far)
13. I got to be part of a couple pretty cool (and pretty crazy) worship services
14. I watched Made with Mary and the parents
15. I pre-emptively slept enough to avoid getting sick
16. I watched a ton of The Office and may or may not have cried at the end of season 2.
17. Kara discovered a phantom wireless signal at the apartment
18. Kara has watched a lot of Lost - I may need to stage an intervention
19. I cleaned my room (it shouldn't be noteworthy, but it is) and got to display new artwork (by my talented roommate)
20. I laughed hysterically while getting my ridiculously long black dress hemmed
21. I saw Stranger Than Fiction - I definitely recommend it
22. I was free to dance (but I didn't)
23. I ordered a new jacket for the long black dress (because apparently I have shoulders and arms like a linebacker)
24. I watched stupid online stuff with Kara and Beth
25. I have had extra rehearsals for the big Mozart concerts this weekend
26. I realized that 26 doesn't seem like long in years, but it's really long in random lists

Here I Stand

In honor of Reformation Day:

I grew up not knowing much about Martin Luther - aside from the very basics, anyways. However, over the past few years I've really grown in appreciation for a good deal of what he did as a part of his life and ministry. Part of that growing appreciation is thanks to my worship studies in seminary. (Luther had a lot to say about worship and music. He did quite a bit to revive the practice of the congregation singing in church.)

Also, though it may sound a bit shallow, there was a movie made about Luther a few years ago - and I've seen it a few times. I highly recommend it...it is made by the Lutheran church (so a bit rose-colored) - but it's not often you see a movie on church history that is as compelling as this.

And today I'm thankful for Martin Luther's commitment to Christ, to His Word, and for his willingness to stand up for those commitments regardless of his personal comfort. It makes me wonder what I am willing to stand for...

In his own words - when he was asked to recant or be excommunicated:

“I can not submit my faith either to the pope or to the councils, because it is as clear as the day that they have frequently erred and contradicted each other. Unless therefore, I am convinced by the testimony of Scripture, or by the clearest reasoning, unless I am persuaded by means of the passages I have quoted, and unless they thus render my conscience bound by the Word of God, I cannot and I will not retract; for it unsafe for a Christian to speak against his conscience. Here I stand, I can do no other. May God help me." - From the Diet of Worms, 1520

Have you seen this?

Haven't had much to say...of any substance...

So I'll just share some random links that may or may not be of interest:

From my boss: How do they do this??

From the .net: First, I can't imagine losing my voice - but this is really wild

From my little sis: Amazing what can be said in just 100 words

And finally: There are no words

Catching up

So, I've been out of the primetime TV loop for a while. I can blame it on being in school - or I can blame it on being lame - it's probably some combination of both. And truth be told, I wanted in on some of the conversations you hear when people make jokes - or when they talk about theories of what's going to happen next on (insert a show here).

So lately I've been checking out a few shows. I don't have DVR or anything fancy, so I've either watched them on TV or rented them on DVD. Here's the downlow:

Scrubs - This one apparently just got syndicated because it's on twice a day on a couple different stations. So, I haven't been able to watch it in order. However, it's pretty funny - I like the inner monologue stuff. And it tends to mix in some poignant moments, which I didn't expect.

The Office - I'd seen an episode here or there and decided to rent the first season (which is only 6 episodes long). I'm not familiar with the British version. I've laughed a lot (and Kara laughed really really hard once last night) - and I'm looking forward to watching more.

Lost - Now this one I wasn't real sure about. First, I tend toward comedy/light stuff for entertainment. I like an occasional drama/thriller here and there - but I also like closure (Rachel Green voice: C-lo-sure). And I also know from observing people that there's a lot of uncertainty even now in its 3rd season. Sometimes I get squeamish/freaked out by scary/intense shows or movies. And finally, people who get into this show seem to be REALLY into the show. In a little bit of a scary way. Regardless, I decided to rent the first disk of Season 1 last night. I watched the first 2 episodes this morning. I already feel a little sucked in. We'll see how that goes.

I've also thought about Gilmore Girls and 24 - but haven't made it there yet.

However, there is one show on TV I haven't missed an episode of yet this season - Project Runway. It's become a staple of Wednesday nights (post-D'Arcy's with the girls). I'm both excited and a little sad that next week is the finale. I have been a Michael fan most of the season, but something tells me one of the girls is going to win. And I love Tim Gunn.

Carry on.

Cue the cannons

I had an orchestra gig last weekend, and going into it I was a bit hestitant. See, I don't play as often as I should, and the finale of the concert was the 1812 Overture.

Now, most anyone, whether they're familiar with classical music or not, is at least familiar with the main theme. You've heard it during fireworks, in movies, and probably in cartoons. It's a little iconic. The thing with music like that, though, is that often the larger piece - and its original context - get buried beneath all the pop culture. And in most cases, it's a bit of a shame. It's like only knowing a caricature or parody...and in the case of the 1812, it's all cannons and huge brass (which is admittedly cool).

The full work is quite beautiful. The first time I really experienced it was as a senior in high school at the All-State music festival. The honors orchestra played it as the finale, and I got to play in the extra brass section. I rank it as one of the top music moments of my life thus far. Honestly, it was one of those rare moments when everyone - conductor, performers, and audience get taken in by the music and the moment. Unforgettably powerful...and I knew it was because the piece was just. that. cool.

And so I was nervous about tackling it again - especially when myself and the orchestra...and did I mention myself were not nearly as capable as my earlier performance.

Which brings me to last Saturday. At the rehearsal, we basically ran through it once - stopping only when we needed to. The opening bars (by the low strings) were underwhelming. Well, I thought, this is rather disappointing. Then the horns came in for the introduction of the really familiar theme. Aaaand now I'm underwhelmed with myself. Great. But we kept plugging through.

But then something unexpected happened. We got to the section where the brass plays the opening theme again and the bells go nuts. And I kid you not - I got goosebumps. If I had not been playing, I probably would have cried. I was completely taken in by the music again. If I could describe the end - it's pure joy. And it's really hard to play the end of it with any kind of restraint, because it just begs to be played ALL OUT. And we definitely did. In the performance, it was not the most artistic or skilled rendition there has ever been - but when we got to the end, we played it with all we had. Awesome. (I do wish the "cannon" had been a little louder, but you can't have everything.)

And as I've listened to my recording of it again and again this week, I realized (and am embarrassed to say) I'd never really read any background on the piece. Surely a piece this well-known has some cool history. So I read the short article on Wikipedia, and sure enough, it's pretty amazing and interesting.

So, this is my ode to the 1812 - to its ability to inspire with and without context - AND its ability to cause grown adults to play it no holds barred.

(And it's a chance for me to say that I'm glad I get to play in an orchestra now and then.)

Happiness is...

I saw this on Brandy's blog and decided to use it. It's a happy list :)

1. An unexpected gift:
I’m gonna go with my small group that met for the first time last Sunday night. It’s made up of people that I see often, but rarely get to spend “fun” time with. I’m excited about the next few weeks we get to meet.

2. A kind word shared with me recently:
Someone emailed a note of encouragement to me this past Monday morning – it was really sincere and thoughtful (and from someone I respect a lot)…and was one of those things that came at a good time. Also, this article that someone shared with me yesterday: http://www.ruf.org/help/singledout1.htm.

3. Something that makes me stop and praise God:
The fall weather – I am in complete awe of God’s creation right now. Today at lunch the clouds were huge; I was having a hard time driving without getting distracted by how cool they looked.

4. Something I'm looking forward to:
Hearing how my friend Melissa’s day was. In fact, the suspense is killing me!
Also, I’m looking forward to chillaxin’ on my day off tomorrow…
I'm a big believer in having things to look forward to. Anticipation!

5. A particular part of me I'm pleased with:
I’ve been exercising/eating healthier lately – and that feels good. Even though I fight against it, I know that I generally function better with discipline in my life.

6. Something in my life that I wanted but never expected:
A best friend. I have been blessed with lots of good relationships in my life, but when I look back even to high school, I never expected that I could have friendship that could last a lifetime and be as close as the one I’ve been blessed with.

7. A place that moved/moves me:
Allerton Park in Monticello – I associate it with experiencing God in His creation and in solitude. I’m excited because our young adult group from church is taking a spiritual retreat day there quite soon.
Also, New York City. My funky friend Phil was in my office last week, and talking about memories of trips there made me miss New York a lot. Big cities in general have an energizing effect on me – but there’s something special about that one.

8. One thing/person that always makes me smile:
Babies – I just can’t help it.

9. Most recent "love note" from God:
Aside from the clouds today at lunch…and the fall weather…a couple songs that have been on repeat in my office today: “Maybe There’s a Loving God” – Sara Groves & “Glory” – Nichole Nordeman & Selah

Something unusual, something strange

I've always been someone who has been highly affected by music. This is a pretty obvious statement. But I was reminded recently that there is a connection between music and my emotions that is really strong...and beyond what I can predict or understand sometimes. (I am going to sound like a total girl in this post, but I have decided that I am okay with that.)

There are songs that affect me because of their lyrics, and there are songs that affect me because they remind me of a certain experience or time in my life. There is music that affects me because of its composition or because of the back-story of the person that wrote it. Most of the time, if there's a song that I like, I can generally describe why I like it.

But there are a handfull of songs/music that have an inexplicable connection to my emotions. It's usually immediate - and takes me by surprise. One strong example of a song that "gets me" almost every time I hear it is "Amie" by Damien Rice. The string part in particular (at the end)...it's just...tragic and beautiful. (If you look on my last.fm page, it's the most-listened to song...I'm a glutton for emotion!)

I was reminded of this most recently because of a random Christmas song. I went with a group from church to Willow's Christmas service last year. We wanted to go - partly to be able to worship together (since most of us would be leading Christmas services) and partly because it's generally encouraging to go to a Willow service. In the middle of the service, they sang a song - and their dance team performed with it. And by the first chorus, I was a mess - weeping in my chair in the middle balcony. And it wasn't really because I had intellectually pondered the incarnation (although that is amazing). The combination of the music and the dance hit something inside me, and that was it. Well, I found the song this week - "Here With Us" by Joy Williams. And listening to it, I'm taken back to that moment when I was watching the dancers express "hallelujah" and sobbing.

There's a tendency to dismiss emotion because it can be unreliable and sometimes it does not coincide with logic/reason. Goodness knows I'm aware of the instability of pure emotion. But at the same time, I'm really grateful that God has given us things like music and dance - that express His transcendent beauty - and I'm grateful for those surprising moments when I'm overwhelmed by it all.

All Harry Potter - all the time

On my vacation just under a month ago I started reading the Harry Potter series. Tonight I should be able to finish book 5...so it's safe to say that the past month I've been reading HP in rather large amounts. I'm really enjoying it - having time available for leisurely reading is definitely a perk of not being in school.

However, I've been noticing some side effects of all this: random things remind me of Harry Potter things. Last night I described it as an inner-dialogue. It's probably a testimony to how creative J.K. Rowlings is - that she's created this entire world and characters so convincingly that I confuse it with reality. Fortunately, other people have confirmed similar experience with this type of Harry Potter Inner Dialogue. I'll call it HPID for short.

A few examples:

• I accidentally cut myself.
  HPID: A phoenix tear would heal that.
  
• Late at night flipping channels I see that the end of Sister Act is on, so I decide to watch it. Whoopi Goldberg is conducting the nuns in their performance for the pope. They cut to a shot of the Reverend Mother.
  HPID: What's Professor McGonagall doing in the church?
  
• My roommate and her sister are watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - I joined them for a few moments. They're touring the factory, when one of the candies that they try explodes.
  HPID: Fred & George Weasley could have made that.
  
• I can't find my co-worker anywhere.
  HPID: If I had a Marauder's Map, this would not be a problem.
  

Only time will tell if this inner dialogue will stay after I finish reading the books, but for now, this is how my mind is working. So I'm curious - if you've read the books - did you experience anything like this? Or am I a freak show?

Memories from 5 years ago

I got up early this morning to walk, and since it was pouring - I opted for my treadmill. I turned on the TV and decided I wanted to watch some of the Sept. 11th memorial coverage. One of the news channels was playing the Today show coverage from that day. Since I wasn't able to watch TV until the evening of 9/11/01, it was eerie to me to hear them talk about it, not knowing what was coming - speculating after the 1st plane hit, and then watch things go from bad to worse (as they see the 2nd plane hit, find out about the attack on the Pentagon, and then watch the towers fall). It reminded me of how unfathomable it all was at the time.

And then on my drive into work, a couple radio stations played some of those songs where they dub audio clips of people talking over the music. Usually I think those are borderline cheese, but today not so much.

I started to remember that day...and I wanted to put a little bit of it down here while I was thinking about it. I know everyone has their stories of where they were and how it affected them. This is mine.

I was teaching horn lessons at a private school in Champaign from 7:30am til almost 9:30am. I got in the car to drive back to campus; the radio was on the local Christian station, and they were playing some super peppy Point of Grace song. When the song was over, the DJs just started re-capping all the morning's events - and I was just shocked. I remember driving onto campus and thinking how weird it was that everything that I could see looked the same, but everything I was hearing was utterly foreign.

I'm still amazed they didn't cancel classes that day. They cancelled them on Wednesday, but not on September 11th itself. I had orchestral conducting at 10am. No one was paying any attention. Then master class at 11am. Kaz explained that people could reschedule their lessons for the afternoon, but since I was actually prepared I decided to go ahead. We ended up spending a lot of it talking about New York (since he had lived there for several years). He gave me a Manhattan geography lesson using his shoe.

I hadn't reflected on it in a while, but this morning - and really throughout the day I started to remember the rest of that week - and really the rest of that month. The many many emotions - and the feeling of uncertainty. It's one of the only times in life when I've experienced an event that was so communal - everyone was dealing with it. For the rest of the month (at least), every event was in light of that day. Even television stations played alternate programming (it's a funny example, but I remember MTV only showed a handful of videos over and over. That Incubus one where the guy does the pencil drawing was one of them...). Things eventually got more "normal" - but then again - not completely...

Come on, fall!

Fall is my absolute favorite season - and I think this past weekend, it arrived - at least in my mind. It's the one with my favorite memories and favorite traditions...and speaking of memories/traditions:

I went to a U of I game on Saturday - spontaneously - but it was super fun. First, it was a night game (no sun to contend with). Second, it was gorgeous weather. Third, I went with people who put up with my marching band neuroticism. Forth, we won. Fifth, there were a million fireworks. Being around the marching band made me reminisce about that year in my life - and some of the great memories. Tonight, I found pictures from my season (1999) - and a free audio download of one of my favorite Marching Illini songs ("Get it On").

The happiest part of my day today is that fall is officially here.

Instead of many words

Photos from the Florida trip are up here.

A few favorites:








It was a very relaxing trip. I came home very refreshed - I needed the rest even more than I thought. I also realized again how awesome my mom is.

I also uploaded some pictures from a trip to Lake Michigan a week or so ago to see college friends here. I wish I'd taken a few more, but oh well. Contrary to all these pictures, I don't spend that much time at beaches. (This central Illinois girl just happened to have a very sandy week in August!)

And finally, my sister is an incredible photographer, as evidenced here.

Travelogue Entry #3

Another relaxing day in paradise! (I overheard a guy say that - and I think it works.)

• Mom and I kept to the shade for our reading/beach time today
• I branched out and tried the spray-on sunblock. I am NOT a fan. It leaves your skin sticky. No good.
• In the pool, this Australian couple asked if Mom and I were twins. Heh. Mom was worried I was secretly offended...but nah.
• I'm getting pulled into the Harry Potter books I believe
• Had a really good dinner at the Fish House (check out their website - little goldish follow your mouse). Mom and I split a combo, and I had lobster for the first time ever. It was really good - all the seafood around here is good (go figure).
• We came back to our place for dessert overlooking the sunset. We took another walk around the water. A-mazing.

Travelogue Entry #2

After a whole day in Florida, I'm happy to say that this pace of vacation is just exactly what I was looking for.

• Slept in
• Chilled at the beach & pool for the better part of the day. At first I thought I'd get tired of it, but I sure didn't!
• We're not good at identifying accents/languages. We've heard lots, but so far the only one I know for sure is British.
• We ate dinner overlooking the ocean. Mom & I split meals well - we were brave and tried a conch fritters appetizer. Conch is really chewy.
• I've decided that "Funky Town" is the theme song for the trip - we've heard it twice already. (Mom's hoping we don't hear it anymore - I keep asking her, "Won't you take me to...funky tooooown?")
• Had real Key Lime pie and took my favorite pictures of the trip so far
• We drove for a bit tonight and discovered actual civilization here in the Keys (a movie theater and a Pier 1)
• I skimmed a bit of this book at a bookstore. Looks really interesting.
• I realized I got a lot more sun than I thought I did earlier - and that I will have some ridiculous tan lines
• Our hotel has Bravo - which means I get to see the new episode of Project Runway tonight! Yesssssss.

Travelogue Entry #1

I don't know how often I'll be able to update, but here are some highlights from the first few hours of vacation:

• Our flight was just long enough for an in-flight movie - Last Holiday. Not bad...made for a quick flight.
• I saw Jose from the Real World Key West at our rental car place.
• Mom is now a believer in the wonder that is - the Marriott bed. Yesssss. This place is pretty amazing.
• I was looking for the stairs, asked one of the hotel workers if they were through a certain door. He said, "No baby..." in this island accent...and then told me they were around the corner.
• Just asked Mom what she was doing. Her response? "Not much. I like it." Indeed!

Cue the Beach Boys...

...cause Mom & I are going to Key Largo!

I have finally settled on vacation plans - www.marriottkeylargo.com in just about a week and a half. And I am soooooooooo excited!

It's about as useless as a screen door

(This post is a story - it's true - and remember, it could happen to you.)

After a long night of watching videos from high school musicals and show choir with my friend Beth, we realized we had stayed up way too late. We laughed at how young we looked, how insecure we were, what fun we had, and how ridiculous some of our choreography was.

As Beth left (around 2am), she had a couple photo albums and videos to take with her, so I decided to help her to her car. After saying goodbye, I walked down my driveway, and went to open my screen door (my front door behind it was wide open). It didn't move. At all. At first I thought it was sticky from the humidity. Then I realize - it's locked. I didn't even know that it could DO that!

Fortunately - I waved Beth down before she drove away - AND by the grace of God, my cell phone was in my pocket. Well, we tried to pick the lock, but it was pretty well-constructed. My back door was unfortunately locked (I'm a little obsessive about that). I decided it was too late to call the landlords next door. I didn't really want to tear through my screens either (they wouldn't pop out - again, stupid well-constructed door).

As we're driving to Beth's house, we stopped to ask the village police officer if he had anything to pick a lock (he was about 19 and was standing outside his car talking with his girlfriend who was keeping him company). His response? "That sucks." Thanks. I feel safer.

This story has a happy ending, though. Beth let me stay with her, my landlords let me in this morning, and no one had broken in through the screen door. (It's like a ROCK.)

And finally - the moral of the story is this: you thought you were cool in high school show choir, but you really really weren't.

Hello old friend

I have had lots of mini-reunions lately...and most of them have been unplanned.

Since I live in the same town I grew up in, I occasionally run into someone from high school or earlier. But that's not really noteworthy.

These reunions have been with some of my closest friends from elementary school through high school. And I only ran into them through other people...so they were pretty unexpected. Plus, some college friends visited last weekend. I know people talk about "picking up right where you left off" - and I haven't always know that it's possible. I mean, there are a few topics (job, school, family, etc.) that you always hit...but you wonder what you'll talk about once you finish going through that list. Well I feel blessed that among all of these reunions, we were really able to just be ourselves - amidst all the change that we've been through.

So, I just have to say that I am really grateful that Ami still loves to talk fast, that Beth is still good at making witty commentary during performances, and that Brunsie is still such a good listener...

Sometimes it takes spending a few hours with someone to make you realize how much you missed them.

"For from Him, through Him, to Him is everything"

I can't get the song from this morning out of my head. I probably listened to it 50 times last week, but I still listened to it 5 times on my iPod today (after hearing it in church 3 times too). I can't completely say why I'm fixated on it - aside from the fact that it's probably a good lesson in perspective. It is a reminder that He's above all of this. And in the end, I just want to give glory to Him.

Oh the depths of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable His judgments!
How unknowable His paths!
Who knows the mind of our God
and who could bring counsel to Him?
Who has given to God that God should repay?

For from Him, through Him, to Him is everything...

To God be the glory forever and ever, Amen.

Hail alma mater!

I ran across this nugget of joy in an alumni magazine - Dress Alma. Enjoy!

(For those not familiar with the U of I, the Alma Mater statue is a favorite campus landmark. I've included a photo of her in her original wardrobe and location [ignore the random guy].)

Monday Randomness

• Do I look like I work here? I'm starting to wonder. For some reason, whenever I shop at certain clothing stores (Kohls, JCPenneys, and once at Old Navy), random women ask me to help them with something - and then are surprised that I don't work there. Honest to goodness, this has happened to me at least 4 times. The most recent was yesterday. I thought the lady was talking to someone else, so I didn't say anything. She started to raise her voice, but found a person who actually worked there before things got too weird. I can't figure out why this happens to me so often. At first, I thought it could be wardrobe related. Yesterday I was there, still in my nice clothes from church. So maybe I was looking "professional"? But I've had it happen when I'm in really casual clothes and my hair pulled back too. So. My questions are - does this happen to anyone else? And any theories? Any recommendations on clever comebacks?
• This past weekend, I picked up a skill that I haven't used since I was 12 - cross-stitching! I was with friends at a cross-stitch sale for the day (long story), and I figured, when in Rome... Turns out, it's harder than I remember. The goal is to finish the small project I started and then be done with it. I don't need another hobby unless it's learning the cello.
• Link for the day: http://www.cafepress.com/larknews.23099704 (A t-shirt that made me laugh)

In my mind, I'm gone...

(...but not to Carolina*)

I have confessed my need to travel and see new places. I'll also admit that once I spent years in Champaign-Urbana, I began to appreciate towns that have a wide variety of cultural opportunities & types of people. And, let's face it, Springpatch just doesn't have as many artsy/diverse things to offer. However, since I can't be away all the time, I've tried to be resourceful and find places that make me feel like I'm...well...not here :)

In my hometown, here's my list of places that have this effect on me (that I can think of):

1. Prairie Archives - A used bookstore downtown (right by the Lincoln-Herndon Law Office) that is so big and fun to get lost in.
2. Head West Sub Shop - Why does this place make me feel like I'm back in a college town? It isn't the fact that they sell sandwiches on the BEST bread (it's addictive, I tell you), but more that they also sell hemp necklaces, Ben & Jerry's pints, and decorate with all things hippie. It's SO NOT Springfield.
3. Norb Andy's - Although I've not been there more than once (and that one time was thanks to Johnna), I felt like I was in Boston in this below-ground pub between the mariner decor and all the politicians in their expensive suits (it's only 2 blocks from the capitol).
4. Lincoln Memorial Garden - If you follow the trails all the way to the lake, it ruins the effect (the CWLP smokestacks are telltale) - but in the fall especially, it's very peaceful.
5. Some of the dowtown churches (like First Pres or the big Catholic one) - I really like big, old churches...for cultivating a sense of wonder. First Pres has some fun concerts, too...

Anyone else have ways you get away without going away?

*Not because I necessarily dislike Carolina...just because I've never been there. But I like James Taylor.

From the Midday Office

I read these verses just now, and while they're familiar to me - reading them really convicted me. My life and my relationships would be much different if I applied this Scripture:

A Reading
"Let love be without any pretense. Avoid what is evil; stick to what is good. In brotherly love let your feelings of deep affection for one another come to expression and regard others as more important than yourself. In the service of the Lord, work not half-heartedly, but with conscientiousness and an eager spirit. Be joyful in hope, persevere in hardship; keep praying regularly; share with any of God's holy people who are in need; look for opportunities to be hospitable." Romans 12:9-13

I won't self-disclose too much, but I'd just say a good goal for the week might be looking for practical ways to apply that Scripture.

The Concluding Prayer of the Church
Almighty God, to whom our needs are known before we even ask, Help me to ask only what accords with your will; and those good things which I dare not, or in my blindness I cannot ask, grant for the sake of your Son Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Death's Sting

After Sunday lunch last weekend, I had a long conversation with my roommate. A good chunk of it was about worship song lyrics and the resurrection - 2 topics that I can talk into the ground.

We talked about one of my current favorite corporate worship songs, which happens to paraphrase Hosea/1 Corinthians 15 - "Sin has lost its power, death has lost its sting..." - it's a powerful lyric. However, she helped me remember how in the midst of grief it's hard to see how death has no sting. We talked about that for a long time - but it was just reminder #842 this year of the lesson God's been teaching me: death is not good - but He has done and will do something about it.

There is a real tension in talking about death as Christians. We can't act as though death wins - because we know that we have the promise of heaven. We have a God Who was raised from the dead and therefore has control over it. However, we can't act as though death is an inherently good thing either. It's a result of the fall - and contrary to God's creation and nature. (Think about it - if God defines perfection - and He's eternal - then death is the opposite of that.) That's why it's not okay to give trite or over-simplistic answers to people who are grieving. We should mourn WITH them... It's a bit of a paradox in perspective (I've heard people call it living in the now & not-yet).

I ran across a blog entry that articulated this as well as anything else I've read: The God Who Hates Death. I hope linking to someone doesn't seem like a cop-out, but his thoughts are honest and have a lot of truth stated so well...that I'd just recommend giving it a read.

Tuesday Randomness

A day late and a dollar short, but here's some randomness anyways...

• I wish there were a way to have the benefits of living in a large urban area (such as the amazing shopping/dining options) without the traffic. Last weekend I felt like I spent the entire trip to the Chicago suburbs in traffic. My exact quote to Melissa after moving less than 2 blocks in 20 minutes in Naperville was, "I want to hit someone." We did get to briefly visit Geneva (mom's hometown) - and surprise! it was in the middle of Swedish Days! Melissa was confused by the Scandinavian-related festivities, but she still humored me while we went in the Gift Box. Lots of great memories from my childhood are there - though it was weird to imagine someone else living in my Nana's house.
• I am officially in love with the Marriott beds. I stayed in one when I was at the arts conference, and then again last weekend (I had a gift certificate). Seriously, IN LOVE. But I don't think it's meant to be - at least not anytime soon. Oh, and the other thing I love is Melissa's good-for-you chocolate eclair.
• A little internet nugget of joy (or rather a serious conspiracy):
  http://easylink.playstream.com/cccmedia/cccmedia/daseussicode.wvx. Enjoy.

3 Pictures that Crack Me Up

With very little commentary, here are 3 (semi-recent) pictures that crack me up.
















These are my sisters. This is my current desktop on my work computer.
















The attitude is directed at Mary (youngest sister). And this is pretty much how it goes in my family - my mom is cute & content and the rest of us have serious SASS.
















And this picture I just got from Chris today - and I laughed when I saw it because that tassel did that to me ALL DAY.

Also, here are a few pics from my time at Allerton Park (aka one of the single most redemptive parts of central Illinois) last Saturday.

The 6 Love Languages

I spent a short amount of my Friday evening with the fam. We watched an episode of 5 Takes: Pacific Rim (I love that show - I want to do 5 Takes: Europe. They already did it, I know...but still) where they go to Taipei, Taiwan. My brother was loving it since he went there last year - he was disappointed they didn't eat stinky tofu.

Then we went to Buffet King (which I MUCH prefer to Buffet City) - all 6 of us. I think it served as our Father's Day celebration since we'll be various places on Sunday. It was good food & the fam tolerated me as I lip sync'd (unashamedly) to the Celine Dion greatest hits that was playing for the entire meal.

As I was about to go to my car, Bekah handed me a mix CD. Now you may have heard of the 5 Love Languages. I say there are 6 - gifts, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, and mix CDs. Don't try to tell me that mix CDs could fit into one of the other 5 categories. Let me explain myself. I'm not talking about making/getting a mix of music just to share things you like (although I enjoy that as well). I'm talking about when someone makes a mix for someone specific for a specific reason. This CD was one of those - and I didn't even ask for it!

Here it is: "Just a Ride" - June '06

1. Just a Ride - Jem
2. Lucky Denver Mint - Jimmy Eat World
3. Long Ride Home - Patty Griffin
4. Thinking About You - Ivy
5. Hard Times - Eastmountainsouth
6. This Time Around - Helen Stellar
7. Same in Any Language - I Nine
8. Galileo - Indigo Girls
9. Santa Maria de Feira - Devendra Banhart
10. Finally Woken - Jem
11. 1000 Miles - Vanessa Carlton
12. Walking Downtown - Copeland
13. Time Will Do the Talking - Patty Griffin
14. Lead Me On - Bethany Dillon
15. Black Horse and the Cherry Tree - KT Tunstall
16. The World You Love - Jimmy Eat World
17. Let Him Fly - Patty Griffin

Some of it I had heard - some of it I had wanted to hear - and it's just a great CD for me right now. Favorites right now - Jem, Eastmountainsouth, Patty (of course), and the Indigo Girls song. Rock. (And thanks, Bekah)

It's a shame to build our homes with bricks of fear and cynical stones

I was up at Willow for a couple days this week for their Arts Conference. I could share some thoughts from that...but maybe another time. One major observation from the conference personally is my tendency to make or think witty, sarcastic comments, especially when it comes to worship. I mean, sometimes, people do and say things - especially when it comes to worship - that seem careless. And it can feel good to point those things out - partly because I think that worshiping God should be intentional and full of truth. But there's another side of me that enjoys critiquing because it makes me feels smart and maybe even better than the person I'm critiquing. Yikes. At one point, after a comment that I actually said outloud (and I'll admit, it was true and rather humorous) I told my brother, "I have got to stop doing that."

I do believe that thinking through what we sing and say - especially in corporate worship - is important. Don't get me wrong. And I think that we shouldn't just take everything people do/say about worship at face value. Dialoguing and seeking clarity often allow us to gain a deeper understanding and appreciationg for what it is we're doing when we worship. I just want to guard myself from being so critical that I have a heart that is hard and self-righteous. I really dislike it when I see that in others, so I don't want to cultivate that in myself.

I discovered a worship blog today - Bob Kauflin, who apparently is associated with the Sovereign Grace group. The first post of his that I read is a good example of balance between criticism and charity towards others, in my opinion. He talks about the worship song, "Draw Me Close," and evaluates the usefulness of worship songs with vague lyrics. I really do recommend reading the article, because it's well done, but his last statement is especially well-put:

"May we all proclaim the beauty, authority, and truth of Jesus Christ with our lives, remembering that neither passion nor propositional truth is out of place when we worship God. They were meant to go together."

What I appreciated was not only what he says, but how he says it. It's Biblical and full of grace - it seems pastoral. I want to be more like that and less proud of myself when I make/think snide commentary.

Monday Randomness

I thought it might be fun to blog something OTHER than quotes from the Daily Hours...

• I could talk about the trip to Cincinnati 2 weekends ago. I'd tell you about experiencing my first flat tire and about how grateful I am to the AMAZING women who put the donut on (where's the jack hole?), to the women who helped sort through the CRAP in my trunk to get to the donut, about having fun Champaign food (Noodles, Custard Cup, Papa Dels) twice in a week, and about finding really cute baby Illinois clothes (for no one in particular, so don't start rumors).
• I could tell you about my trip to Cincy this past weekend. It involves a ridiculous amount of rollercoasters. How in the middle of a themepark, we found ourselves entertained playing a game that used little more than slips of paper, pens, our memories, and our weird senses of humor. It also involves Skyline and Graeters. Oh, and the Beef House. Food's important, okay?
• A few friends were around to witness my reaction when I saw this - a sequel to The Passion of the Christ called....wait for it....The Resurrection! About flipping time, people. (I was mostly excited just because of my higher than normal interest in the resurrection this spring.) In seriousness, I wonder if someone other than the original director is taking it on, is it really considered a sequel?

That's all I have for today. Happy Monday to all...

Your Hand, O Lord, in Days of Old

Your hand, O Lord, in days of old
Was strong to heal and save;
You triumphed over pain and death,
O'er darkness and the grave.
To you they went, the blind, the mute,
The palsied and the lame,
The leper set apart and shunned,
The sick and those in shame.

And then your touch brought life and health,
Gave speech and strength and sight;
And youth renewed, with health restored,
Claimed you, the Lord of light.
And so, O Lord, be near to bless,
Almighty now as then,
In every street, in every home,
In every troubled friend.

O be our mighty healer still,
Lord of life and death;
Restore and strengthen, soothe and bless
With your almighty breath.
On hands that work and eyes that see,
Your healing wisdom pour,
The whole and sick, weak and strong
May praise you evermore.

-Edward Plumptre

Why I love the Book of Common Prayer

Ever heard someone else pray and agree with them completely (sometimes silently or maybe using a sound of agreement)? That's how I feel sometimes when I pray using the Book of Common Prayer (though I use it from the Daily Hours, so it's changed just a little bit).

From today's Midday Office (there's so much in this small prayer...):

The Concluding Prayer of the Church
O Lord my God, to you and your service I devote myself, body, soul and spirit.
Fill my memory with the record of your mighty works; enlighten my understanding with the light of your Holy Spirit; and may all the desires of my heart and will center in what you would have me do.
Make me an instrument of your salvation for the people entrusted to my care, and let me by my life and speaking set forth your true and living Word.
Be always with me in carrying out the duties of my salvations; in praises heighten my love and gratitude; in speaking of You give me readiness of thought and expression; and grant that, by the clearness and brightness of your holy Word, all the world may be drawn to your blessed kingdom.
All this I ask for the sake of your Son my Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

Music for everyone

This morning I used my music education degree in an actual school setting - something I haven't done in almost 4 years.

My current small group consists of quite a few teachers. One girl teaches Kindergarten (and I respect her greatly!) - and she mentioned in passing that at her school they don't have any "specials" - meaning, her kids don't get to have music class. So I offered to come in some Friday and have music class. I can't IMAGINE elementary school without music. Seriously!

Well today was the day. And I was a little rusty (and it's been a long time since I've been called by my teacher name!). However, it was quite fun - for both me AND the kids! I played my horn for them, we played a high/low game, sang some songs (Alice the Camel, for example), and then listened to "In the Hall of the Mountain King."

If you're not familiar with "In the Hall of the Mountain King" it's a classical piece by Edvard Grieg (one of the only well-known Scandinavian composers!) - and it starts soft, but then builds to a loud, fast ending. It's very spooky. One of my most vivid kindergarten memories is listening to this piece in music class. Our teacher let us crawl/creep around the room and the beginning and then run around like banshees at the end. (She also let us do something similar to "Flight of the Bumblebee." We loved to run around like bees.) While not to that extreme (we had to creep/walk/run in place because of space), we definitely moved to it today. It was WAY fun. We also listened to it with our eyes closed to imagine what was happening. One kid said that Mike Myers was chasing him.

And it made me happy to share the music love with some kindergarteners. And it made me remember how as children, we're much more inclined to sing, smile at a silly song, and move around to music.

Anyone else have random music class memories from elementary school? I realize I may have liked music a lot more than would be considered "normal." :)

1, 2, 3, & 4

A recent, though rare phenomena has me feeling really good lately - all of my siblings are in the same town.

While I don't think 4 kids is a huge amount, when we're all in the same house or the same area, it's a full house. I can remember back to the days where we had to schedule how we would all take turns in the bathroom to have enough time to get ready (Sundays were the worst). I also remember the cross-country trips in a minivan, staying in small hotel rooms that were not designed for 6. (I also remember the most recent family trip to Wisconsin in 1 minivan - we're all [well, not me] taller now. Enough said.)

I'll admit - I started the exodus from Springpatch in '98. I'll also admit that leaving my hometown was an important part of growing up. During my 4.5 year absence, I probably spent more time away than I did at home. This wasn't because I disliked home; I think I just caught a glimpse of all the other places and people outside of what I had known, and I wanted to explore. Soon Josh joined me at college. It was so cool to see him enjoy it like I did and to be able to share a year or so of our college lives at the same place.

Even though it wasn't my original idea to come back here after college, I was glad to be able to be around my younger sisters. At that point, they had somehow turned from little kids into young adults. I've gotten to go to concerts, graduations, and see them at church every week. When I mentioned to a friend last year that I was sad Bekah was going away to college ("She's leaving me!" were my exact words), they reminded me that she was returning the favor from years earlier. Honestly, though, I'm so happy for her - to be able to go away and enjoy every bit of being away (she took a day trip back to her college town this week...it's a good sign). And while she's still at home for a couple more years, Mary's about to gain some independence in the form of a driver's license (help us all)!

And now we're all here again. Bekah for the summer. Josh indefinitely. And I have SO enjoyed going over to my parents house to see who's around. While my parents' house is always home - something about all 4 of us there together makes it even more so.

I'm not so naive to know that this period of close proximity is likely short. But I want to make the most of it and not take it for granted.


(In other news, I just found the 2 missing library books this morning - they were in plain sight in my living room. Also, hearing "Walk Away" by Kelly Clarkson automatically makes me sing and dance like the random people in her video. I can't help it.)

Hoods

lcs grad 020
Originally uploaded by Bastewar.

Do you hear something?

dos 001
Originally uploaded by Bastewar.

It's a mariachi band....and it's coming our way!!

The Fam

josh grad 024
Originally uploaded by Bastewar.

Cheese, Joshie!

josh grad 025
Originally uploaded by Bastewar.

The face says it all...

Graduates!

lcs grad 015
Originally uploaded by Bastewar.

It really was a happy day...

Pomp and Mariachi

Well, it was a weekend full of much celebration. It was anticipated greatly. And it was quite memorable in many ways. Allow me to share with you some highlights.

Friday was unremarkable except for the fact that it was a day off. (Since I work on Sundays, it acts as my Saturday. Since I am done with school, I actually took both Friday and Saturday off and did not go to the office at all. Wild.) Well, and I got to go to Taco Bell with my little sister back from college. When I got there, we realized we had both worn our Brooklyn t-shirts. I'm super glad she's home from school. She's amazing. I also read a bunch of Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. It was a quick read (and interesting, though rather "off" in some of its statements about Christianity and faith. I know. Shocking...).

SATURDAY
The long-awaited seminary graduation! Serious, I remember being neck-deep in work wondering if this day would ever come. Making it better was being able to graduate with Chris & Melissa - my best friends - while we took only 1 class all together, we spent the 3 years all working on our Masters together. Of course, Melissa quite out-did Chris and I with her MDiv, but that's as it should be. Hopefully we will be able to make the transition from nerds to party people without too much trouble. Who am I kidding? I'm sure we're pretty much relegated to nerdiness...but at least it's together!

I had always pictured the day of graduation to be the day the sky would become clear, the sun would fully shine, and the birds would sing. Unfortunately, central illinois did not get the memo. It was cold and overcast. During the class picture before the ceremony, my hat blew off in the wind and I am sure I looked ridiculous. Chris & Melissa hit a bird on the interstate on their way there and found that it was still in the grill of their car when they got there. So, there you go.

The ceremony itself was nice. There was some interesting singing (of songs very few people knew). I did not trip while walking up & down the stairs, shaking the Presidents hand, getting my hood, or getting my towel (a tradition that reminds seminary grads to serve above all). Mission accomplished.

We took lots of pictures. I hope to have a few to add to this post later. During the 3rd or 4th round of pictures, Spear (who did not graduate, but did have to have his picture taken) says to me between his teeth, "Say paparazzi!"

We went to Jimmy John's for lunch since my parents had to head back home quickly for my little sister's orchestra concert. I declared eating at Jimmy John's a Bethany graduation tradition (since that's where we ate after my undergrad ceremony). If I ever graduate from anything else in the future (which is NOT in the plan), there will be Jimmy John's.

SUNDAY
After church and some serious deliberation, I decided to make the trek to Chambana with the fam to see my little brother graduate from the U of I with his engineering degree. Before the ceremony began, we (sisters and the significant others of myself and my brother) took random pictures to make sure the digital cameras worked, discussed how the graduates should enter the Assembly Hall (Mary's was the best - running in to "The Champ is Here"), and made guesses on how long the ceremony would last. We girls all made guesses in the 1.5 - 1.75 range. Spear guessed 2 hours and 5 minutes. When it took 20 minutes for the 800 engineering students to process in, we knew the girls would not win.

The ceremony. Snooze. Engineers think they are awesome. Snooze. Lots of obnoxious families yelling. Snooze. Singing the Alma Mater. The final time of the ceremony was 2 hours and 3 minutes. And then taking lots of pictures! ("Say paparazzi!") In all seriousness, I was VERY proud of my little brother (who became the 3rd generation of UIUC Civil Engineering grads in the family). And he's an awesome guy. I couldn't ask for a better little brother. Something about graduations makes me all nostalgic.

We decided to go to our favorite Mexican restaurant for dinner because it's pretty quick. There were 8 of us and it's graduation weekend in C-U, so when they asked if we minded the smoking section we said we'd take it. Well, we ended up in a back room at a booth with a table pushed up next to it. This left only a small opening between us and the people at the booth across from us. We ordered our drinks and queso ("What is this white stuff I'm consuming, cause it's so consuming meeeee....") and began chatting. One highlight was a conversation between my brother and I about Facebook. It's difficult to re-create since it was brief. However, the basic idea was that he had a friend tease him that she was Facebook "friends" with both of his sisters but that he wasn't "friends" with me. I told him I only joined to try to find people I went to school with, but I never asked people to be my "friend." His response was classic: "Well I don't ask people either, so I guess we won't be friends." Before we ordered our meals, our pleasant dining environment changed...

The restaurant had decided to add to the festiveness of campus town by having a mariachi band to play. They played a song or two in the main room of the restaurant; they were very good. Then they decided to come play a song for our room; they were very loud. This was no quartet - there were 4 violinists, 2 or 3 guitar players, and 2 trumpets. Apparently the group knew some people in our small room, because the people at the booth next to us asked for some requests and sang along. The band stayed in our small room for pretty much the whole meal. It was surreal and hilarious at the same time. We'd randomly crack up throughout dinner. I hope to have some pictures of this as well...

While it was a busy weekend, it was one that celebrated some significant milestones. More than that though, it reminded me what AMAZING friends and family I have been blessed with...

Monday Randomness

Hi kids. I've been disinterested in the internet lately. Don't really know why. But I figured today was a good time to blog because I've given myself permission to be random and non-profound on Mondays.

• This morning I had an especially bad case of the "Mondays." I was snippy. But I got over it...I think.
• Last week I made 3 trips to Lincoln. This week, I plan on only one (for graduation!). After that? Only when I want to. I-55, I will not miss thee...
• I thought that I had finished everything required of me for graduation. Then, this morning, I get an email saying I didn't turn in 2 library books (that were due last Friday). I looked for them in my trunk, but they are not to be found. I don't think something like this should keep me from graduating. I mean, they're just books! (::ducking to avoid the expected librarian rage::)
• I played in an orchestra last weekend for the first time in years. I did okay, though I was way out of shape. It reminded me that I used to be a lot better than I am now. And what a freakish skill it is to be able to play the french horn. It also reminded me that it's time for me to learn the cello!
• I've been sneezing non-stop for the last 2.5 hours (and I am NOT exaggerating).
• I really enjoyed this article from the Singles section of ChristianityToday. I especially liked the 2nd half...