3 Pictures that Crack Me Up

With very little commentary, here are 3 (semi-recent) pictures that crack me up.
















These are my sisters. This is my current desktop on my work computer.
















The attitude is directed at Mary (youngest sister). And this is pretty much how it goes in my family - my mom is cute & content and the rest of us have serious SASS.
















And this picture I just got from Chris today - and I laughed when I saw it because that tassel did that to me ALL DAY.

Also, here are a few pics from my time at Allerton Park (aka one of the single most redemptive parts of central Illinois) last Saturday.

The 6 Love Languages

I spent a short amount of my Friday evening with the fam. We watched an episode of 5 Takes: Pacific Rim (I love that show - I want to do 5 Takes: Europe. They already did it, I know...but still) where they go to Taipei, Taiwan. My brother was loving it since he went there last year - he was disappointed they didn't eat stinky tofu.

Then we went to Buffet King (which I MUCH prefer to Buffet City) - all 6 of us. I think it served as our Father's Day celebration since we'll be various places on Sunday. It was good food & the fam tolerated me as I lip sync'd (unashamedly) to the Celine Dion greatest hits that was playing for the entire meal.

As I was about to go to my car, Bekah handed me a mix CD. Now you may have heard of the 5 Love Languages. I say there are 6 - gifts, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, and mix CDs. Don't try to tell me that mix CDs could fit into one of the other 5 categories. Let me explain myself. I'm not talking about making/getting a mix of music just to share things you like (although I enjoy that as well). I'm talking about when someone makes a mix for someone specific for a specific reason. This CD was one of those - and I didn't even ask for it!

Here it is: "Just a Ride" - June '06

1. Just a Ride - Jem
2. Lucky Denver Mint - Jimmy Eat World
3. Long Ride Home - Patty Griffin
4. Thinking About You - Ivy
5. Hard Times - Eastmountainsouth
6. This Time Around - Helen Stellar
7. Same in Any Language - I Nine
8. Galileo - Indigo Girls
9. Santa Maria de Feira - Devendra Banhart
10. Finally Woken - Jem
11. 1000 Miles - Vanessa Carlton
12. Walking Downtown - Copeland
13. Time Will Do the Talking - Patty Griffin
14. Lead Me On - Bethany Dillon
15. Black Horse and the Cherry Tree - KT Tunstall
16. The World You Love - Jimmy Eat World
17. Let Him Fly - Patty Griffin

Some of it I had heard - some of it I had wanted to hear - and it's just a great CD for me right now. Favorites right now - Jem, Eastmountainsouth, Patty (of course), and the Indigo Girls song. Rock. (And thanks, Bekah)

It's a shame to build our homes with bricks of fear and cynical stones

I was up at Willow for a couple days this week for their Arts Conference. I could share some thoughts from that...but maybe another time. One major observation from the conference personally is my tendency to make or think witty, sarcastic comments, especially when it comes to worship. I mean, sometimes, people do and say things - especially when it comes to worship - that seem careless. And it can feel good to point those things out - partly because I think that worshiping God should be intentional and full of truth. But there's another side of me that enjoys critiquing because it makes me feels smart and maybe even better than the person I'm critiquing. Yikes. At one point, after a comment that I actually said outloud (and I'll admit, it was true and rather humorous) I told my brother, "I have got to stop doing that."

I do believe that thinking through what we sing and say - especially in corporate worship - is important. Don't get me wrong. And I think that we shouldn't just take everything people do/say about worship at face value. Dialoguing and seeking clarity often allow us to gain a deeper understanding and appreciationg for what it is we're doing when we worship. I just want to guard myself from being so critical that I have a heart that is hard and self-righteous. I really dislike it when I see that in others, so I don't want to cultivate that in myself.

I discovered a worship blog today - Bob Kauflin, who apparently is associated with the Sovereign Grace group. The first post of his that I read is a good example of balance between criticism and charity towards others, in my opinion. He talks about the worship song, "Draw Me Close," and evaluates the usefulness of worship songs with vague lyrics. I really do recommend reading the article, because it's well done, but his last statement is especially well-put:

"May we all proclaim the beauty, authority, and truth of Jesus Christ with our lives, remembering that neither passion nor propositional truth is out of place when we worship God. They were meant to go together."

What I appreciated was not only what he says, but how he says it. It's Biblical and full of grace - it seems pastoral. I want to be more like that and less proud of myself when I make/think snide commentary.

Monday Randomness

I thought it might be fun to blog something OTHER than quotes from the Daily Hours...

• I could talk about the trip to Cincinnati 2 weekends ago. I'd tell you about experiencing my first flat tire and about how grateful I am to the AMAZING women who put the donut on (where's the jack hole?), to the women who helped sort through the CRAP in my trunk to get to the donut, about having fun Champaign food (Noodles, Custard Cup, Papa Dels) twice in a week, and about finding really cute baby Illinois clothes (for no one in particular, so don't start rumors).
• I could tell you about my trip to Cincy this past weekend. It involves a ridiculous amount of rollercoasters. How in the middle of a themepark, we found ourselves entertained playing a game that used little more than slips of paper, pens, our memories, and our weird senses of humor. It also involves Skyline and Graeters. Oh, and the Beef House. Food's important, okay?
• A few friends were around to witness my reaction when I saw this - a sequel to The Passion of the Christ called....wait for it....The Resurrection! About flipping time, people. (I was mostly excited just because of my higher than normal interest in the resurrection this spring.) In seriousness, I wonder if someone other than the original director is taking it on, is it really considered a sequel?

That's all I have for today. Happy Monday to all...

Your Hand, O Lord, in Days of Old

Your hand, O Lord, in days of old
Was strong to heal and save;
You triumphed over pain and death,
O'er darkness and the grave.
To you they went, the blind, the mute,
The palsied and the lame,
The leper set apart and shunned,
The sick and those in shame.

And then your touch brought life and health,
Gave speech and strength and sight;
And youth renewed, with health restored,
Claimed you, the Lord of light.
And so, O Lord, be near to bless,
Almighty now as then,
In every street, in every home,
In every troubled friend.

O be our mighty healer still,
Lord of life and death;
Restore and strengthen, soothe and bless
With your almighty breath.
On hands that work and eyes that see,
Your healing wisdom pour,
The whole and sick, weak and strong
May praise you evermore.

-Edward Plumptre

Why I love the Book of Common Prayer

Ever heard someone else pray and agree with them completely (sometimes silently or maybe using a sound of agreement)? That's how I feel sometimes when I pray using the Book of Common Prayer (though I use it from the Daily Hours, so it's changed just a little bit).

From today's Midday Office (there's so much in this small prayer...):

The Concluding Prayer of the Church
O Lord my God, to you and your service I devote myself, body, soul and spirit.
Fill my memory with the record of your mighty works; enlighten my understanding with the light of your Holy Spirit; and may all the desires of my heart and will center in what you would have me do.
Make me an instrument of your salvation for the people entrusted to my care, and let me by my life and speaking set forth your true and living Word.
Be always with me in carrying out the duties of my salvations; in praises heighten my love and gratitude; in speaking of You give me readiness of thought and expression; and grant that, by the clearness and brightness of your holy Word, all the world may be drawn to your blessed kingdom.
All this I ask for the sake of your Son my Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

Music for everyone

This morning I used my music education degree in an actual school setting - something I haven't done in almost 4 years.

My current small group consists of quite a few teachers. One girl teaches Kindergarten (and I respect her greatly!) - and she mentioned in passing that at her school they don't have any "specials" - meaning, her kids don't get to have music class. So I offered to come in some Friday and have music class. I can't IMAGINE elementary school without music. Seriously!

Well today was the day. And I was a little rusty (and it's been a long time since I've been called by my teacher name!). However, it was quite fun - for both me AND the kids! I played my horn for them, we played a high/low game, sang some songs (Alice the Camel, for example), and then listened to "In the Hall of the Mountain King."

If you're not familiar with "In the Hall of the Mountain King" it's a classical piece by Edvard Grieg (one of the only well-known Scandinavian composers!) - and it starts soft, but then builds to a loud, fast ending. It's very spooky. One of my most vivid kindergarten memories is listening to this piece in music class. Our teacher let us crawl/creep around the room and the beginning and then run around like banshees at the end. (She also let us do something similar to "Flight of the Bumblebee." We loved to run around like bees.) While not to that extreme (we had to creep/walk/run in place because of space), we definitely moved to it today. It was WAY fun. We also listened to it with our eyes closed to imagine what was happening. One kid said that Mike Myers was chasing him.

And it made me happy to share the music love with some kindergarteners. And it made me remember how as children, we're much more inclined to sing, smile at a silly song, and move around to music.

Anyone else have random music class memories from elementary school? I realize I may have liked music a lot more than would be considered "normal." :)

1, 2, 3, & 4

A recent, though rare phenomena has me feeling really good lately - all of my siblings are in the same town.

While I don't think 4 kids is a huge amount, when we're all in the same house or the same area, it's a full house. I can remember back to the days where we had to schedule how we would all take turns in the bathroom to have enough time to get ready (Sundays were the worst). I also remember the cross-country trips in a minivan, staying in small hotel rooms that were not designed for 6. (I also remember the most recent family trip to Wisconsin in 1 minivan - we're all [well, not me] taller now. Enough said.)

I'll admit - I started the exodus from Springpatch in '98. I'll also admit that leaving my hometown was an important part of growing up. During my 4.5 year absence, I probably spent more time away than I did at home. This wasn't because I disliked home; I think I just caught a glimpse of all the other places and people outside of what I had known, and I wanted to explore. Soon Josh joined me at college. It was so cool to see him enjoy it like I did and to be able to share a year or so of our college lives at the same place.

Even though it wasn't my original idea to come back here after college, I was glad to be able to be around my younger sisters. At that point, they had somehow turned from little kids into young adults. I've gotten to go to concerts, graduations, and see them at church every week. When I mentioned to a friend last year that I was sad Bekah was going away to college ("She's leaving me!" were my exact words), they reminded me that she was returning the favor from years earlier. Honestly, though, I'm so happy for her - to be able to go away and enjoy every bit of being away (she took a day trip back to her college town this week...it's a good sign). And while she's still at home for a couple more years, Mary's about to gain some independence in the form of a driver's license (help us all)!

And now we're all here again. Bekah for the summer. Josh indefinitely. And I have SO enjoyed going over to my parents house to see who's around. While my parents' house is always home - something about all 4 of us there together makes it even more so.

I'm not so naive to know that this period of close proximity is likely short. But I want to make the most of it and not take it for granted.


(In other news, I just found the 2 missing library books this morning - they were in plain sight in my living room. Also, hearing "Walk Away" by Kelly Clarkson automatically makes me sing and dance like the random people in her video. I can't help it.)

Hoods

lcs grad 020
Originally uploaded by Bastewar.

Do you hear something?

dos 001
Originally uploaded by Bastewar.

It's a mariachi band....and it's coming our way!!

The Fam

josh grad 024
Originally uploaded by Bastewar.

Cheese, Joshie!

josh grad 025
Originally uploaded by Bastewar.

The face says it all...

Graduates!

lcs grad 015
Originally uploaded by Bastewar.

It really was a happy day...

Pomp and Mariachi

Well, it was a weekend full of much celebration. It was anticipated greatly. And it was quite memorable in many ways. Allow me to share with you some highlights.

Friday was unremarkable except for the fact that it was a day off. (Since I work on Sundays, it acts as my Saturday. Since I am done with school, I actually took both Friday and Saturday off and did not go to the office at all. Wild.) Well, and I got to go to Taco Bell with my little sister back from college. When I got there, we realized we had both worn our Brooklyn t-shirts. I'm super glad she's home from school. She's amazing. I also read a bunch of Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. It was a quick read (and interesting, though rather "off" in some of its statements about Christianity and faith. I know. Shocking...).

SATURDAY
The long-awaited seminary graduation! Serious, I remember being neck-deep in work wondering if this day would ever come. Making it better was being able to graduate with Chris & Melissa - my best friends - while we took only 1 class all together, we spent the 3 years all working on our Masters together. Of course, Melissa quite out-did Chris and I with her MDiv, but that's as it should be. Hopefully we will be able to make the transition from nerds to party people without too much trouble. Who am I kidding? I'm sure we're pretty much relegated to nerdiness...but at least it's together!

I had always pictured the day of graduation to be the day the sky would become clear, the sun would fully shine, and the birds would sing. Unfortunately, central illinois did not get the memo. It was cold and overcast. During the class picture before the ceremony, my hat blew off in the wind and I am sure I looked ridiculous. Chris & Melissa hit a bird on the interstate on their way there and found that it was still in the grill of their car when they got there. So, there you go.

The ceremony itself was nice. There was some interesting singing (of songs very few people knew). I did not trip while walking up & down the stairs, shaking the Presidents hand, getting my hood, or getting my towel (a tradition that reminds seminary grads to serve above all). Mission accomplished.

We took lots of pictures. I hope to have a few to add to this post later. During the 3rd or 4th round of pictures, Spear (who did not graduate, but did have to have his picture taken) says to me between his teeth, "Say paparazzi!"

We went to Jimmy John's for lunch since my parents had to head back home quickly for my little sister's orchestra concert. I declared eating at Jimmy John's a Bethany graduation tradition (since that's where we ate after my undergrad ceremony). If I ever graduate from anything else in the future (which is NOT in the plan), there will be Jimmy John's.

SUNDAY
After church and some serious deliberation, I decided to make the trek to Chambana with the fam to see my little brother graduate from the U of I with his engineering degree. Before the ceremony began, we (sisters and the significant others of myself and my brother) took random pictures to make sure the digital cameras worked, discussed how the graduates should enter the Assembly Hall (Mary's was the best - running in to "The Champ is Here"), and made guesses on how long the ceremony would last. We girls all made guesses in the 1.5 - 1.75 range. Spear guessed 2 hours and 5 minutes. When it took 20 minutes for the 800 engineering students to process in, we knew the girls would not win.

The ceremony. Snooze. Engineers think they are awesome. Snooze. Lots of obnoxious families yelling. Snooze. Singing the Alma Mater. The final time of the ceremony was 2 hours and 3 minutes. And then taking lots of pictures! ("Say paparazzi!") In all seriousness, I was VERY proud of my little brother (who became the 3rd generation of UIUC Civil Engineering grads in the family). And he's an awesome guy. I couldn't ask for a better little brother. Something about graduations makes me all nostalgic.

We decided to go to our favorite Mexican restaurant for dinner because it's pretty quick. There were 8 of us and it's graduation weekend in C-U, so when they asked if we minded the smoking section we said we'd take it. Well, we ended up in a back room at a booth with a table pushed up next to it. This left only a small opening between us and the people at the booth across from us. We ordered our drinks and queso ("What is this white stuff I'm consuming, cause it's so consuming meeeee....") and began chatting. One highlight was a conversation between my brother and I about Facebook. It's difficult to re-create since it was brief. However, the basic idea was that he had a friend tease him that she was Facebook "friends" with both of his sisters but that he wasn't "friends" with me. I told him I only joined to try to find people I went to school with, but I never asked people to be my "friend." His response was classic: "Well I don't ask people either, so I guess we won't be friends." Before we ordered our meals, our pleasant dining environment changed...

The restaurant had decided to add to the festiveness of campus town by having a mariachi band to play. They played a song or two in the main room of the restaurant; they were very good. Then they decided to come play a song for our room; they were very loud. This was no quartet - there were 4 violinists, 2 or 3 guitar players, and 2 trumpets. Apparently the group knew some people in our small room, because the people at the booth next to us asked for some requests and sang along. The band stayed in our small room for pretty much the whole meal. It was surreal and hilarious at the same time. We'd randomly crack up throughout dinner. I hope to have some pictures of this as well...

While it was a busy weekend, it was one that celebrated some significant milestones. More than that though, it reminded me what AMAZING friends and family I have been blessed with...

Monday Randomness

Hi kids. I've been disinterested in the internet lately. Don't really know why. But I figured today was a good time to blog because I've given myself permission to be random and non-profound on Mondays.

• This morning I had an especially bad case of the "Mondays." I was snippy. But I got over it...I think.
• Last week I made 3 trips to Lincoln. This week, I plan on only one (for graduation!). After that? Only when I want to. I-55, I will not miss thee...
• I thought that I had finished everything required of me for graduation. Then, this morning, I get an email saying I didn't turn in 2 library books (that were due last Friday). I looked for them in my trunk, but they are not to be found. I don't think something like this should keep me from graduating. I mean, they're just books! (::ducking to avoid the expected librarian rage::)
• I played in an orchestra last weekend for the first time in years. I did okay, though I was way out of shape. It reminded me that I used to be a lot better than I am now. And what a freakish skill it is to be able to play the french horn. It also reminded me that it's time for me to learn the cello!
• I've been sneezing non-stop for the last 2.5 hours (and I am NOT exaggerating).
• I really enjoyed this article from the Singles section of ChristianityToday. I especially liked the 2nd half...

Worship Leaders and Stevie Wonder

So I made some exciting work/school-related discoveries today.

I found this site which has some mp3s from worship lectureships over the past few years. Yeah, Southern Baptists! I realize this wouldn't excite everyone, but for me this is good stuff.

I haven't been able to listen to many of them, but there are a lot of authors that I've had to read for school. I'm looking forward to using them on my ipod for drives/walks. I also think they could be potentially good resources for our worship teams at church.

I was especially excited to see a series of talks by the writers of some of my favorite worship songs: "In Christ Alone" and "How Deep the Father's Love for Us." However, as I downloaded the files, I thought, "They spelled his name wrong. They left a letter out!" Just to prove to myself that I was right and the Southern Baptists were wrong, I got out a songbook to check.

Turns out, Stuart Townend is the guy who writes great worship songs. Stuart Townsend dates Charlize Theron. My bad.

Anyways, I was listening to one of Stuart Townend and Keith Getty's lectures. They both have really fun accents (one British and one Irish). They had some great things about congregational worship. Nothing too revolutionary - but well-put nonetheless. Things like we should balance singing subjective truth by singing a good amount of objective truth. They said that if you write objective truth in a narrative form, people will sing it easily. Really that's what they did with "In Christ Alone." Also, as people who write or choose songs for corporate worship, we have to understand that a lot of people's theology is shaped by what we sing (for better or worse - and whether or not it should be that way). They sang some of their songs.

But my favorite part was when someone asked them who some of their musical influences are. Stuart talked a bit about stuff he'd been listening to lately: Norah Jones, Maroon 5, Coldplay, yadda yadda. But then he said he'd also been going back and listening some of his favorite classic music: Crosby Stills Nash & Young, Jethro Tull, Bob Dylan, and......Stevie Wonder.

And I may or may not have said outloud, "YEAH Stevie Wonder!" So, I feel like I have a kindred spirit with Stuart Townend.

Everywhere I go I see You

I think that a person's surroundings are significant.

My apartment and office have not been the cleanest lately. This is nothing new; it's really just a reflection that I'm busy. I tend to clean in big bursts rather than little by little over time. I don't like that about myself, but it has just been a fact of my reality. I love my apartment (or pre-house if you will). However, when I'm busy and it's messy I don't get to enjoy it as much. It becomes that place that I sleep and keep soda cold.

While it seems superficial, I am starting to think about how the aesthetics of our surroundings can be a part of our personal worship. I had always thought of decorating my living/working spaces with things like functionality or personal expression in mind. People definitely abuse aesthetics - by using them to impress others or to only entertain themselves.

However, I was really humbled by reading a response to a survey from a woman from church about how visual art impacts her.

She wrote:
"Right now God is using incredible visual art: springtime in central Illinois, to illustrate His power, His beauty, creativity, resurrection, extravagant giving and many other themes. We’re made in God’s image and I think it’s natural and appropriate for us to do the same things as He does....as well as we can, of course, which certainly doesn’t compare to how well He does it.

I have art in my house that makes me think of God. I try to make my home, both in the areas where I have intentional worship times and where I just live, attractive just as God has made our home, the world, attractive. Elizabeth Goudge mentions in many of her books the need for us to have beautiful things and surroundings: they need not be expensive or luxurious, but they need to lift our souls upward. I like to keep the windows open so I can see creation and that helps me worship. The bird feeder attracts many birds...sometimes it seems I’m living inside mobile art, like a snowglobe as big as the universe."

I don't know how that affects you, but to me it seems pretty profound. I want to continue to have my eyes drawn upward to God. Part of that is by raising my awareness to how He's already revealed Himself all around me (and yes, the nicer weather helps make that easier). And another part of that is placing things around me that point me back to Him.

What helps you look upward?

Monday Randomness

(I noticed that this isn't the first time I've used that title. I could make it a regular event...)

• Small Groups Conference came and went...and pretty smoothly at that. Small groups are an interesting thing. A few take-aways: hearing some cool stories from friends about when small groups are at their best, getting to spend time with church people from around the area, being very proud of my best friend, and being challenged to invest in people more.
• The big paper has been submitted. Feels pretty good. I still have to do a few other school-related projects, but having that one checked off is nice. I hope to spend much less time at the church after 10pm now - it gets really spooky.
• To continue the theme of TV shows that cause emotional reactions, I would like to share the following t-shirt design (which is pretty much amazing):

It's so hard to see when my eyes are on me

Quick post (I shouldn't be doing this right now - but I'm so distractable!)

2 things:

1 - Had a weird thing with my right eye today. My allergies are around because it's so pretty and springy outside. I'm used to this. What I'm NOT used to is having a large bump form on my right eye. Not on the lid. On my eyeball. It was really weird, and after a quick call to my mom (she's a nurse, see) I decided to run to get it checked out. Fortunately, it is not a big deal - I have eye drops and my vision is still going strong.

2 - I am amazed at the way I continue to be really concerned with what other people think. Seems like I have to fight the self-centered battle every day. But my prayer is really that in the things I do that God would be magnified - and that I could just get out of the way.

If I start to cry

Apparently stress not only makes me want to eat ice cream, it also makes me slightly emotional.

Exhibit A:

A conversation over dinner

Me: So I was watching Extreme Home Makeover while I ate dinner last night, and I cried.

Friend: Really? Why?

Me: It was really moving. I always cry at that show - even when I say I won't.

Friend: Like, REAL tears, crying?

Me: I said I cried.

Friend: I don't remember the last time I cried at a TV show. Maybe the finale of The Wonder Years.

Me: OH MY GOSH! I remember that episode! It was so sad - the narrator voice talked about what happened to each character as they grew up. And Kevin and Winnie never did end up together...

Friend: Are you crying?

Me: Ummm....

Friend: (silence)

Me: We can talk about something besides TV.

Friend: Okay.

(Hat tip to Kari's Mike & Kari dialogue series)

A Hymn for Holy Week

Go to Dark Gethsemane - James Montgomery

Go to dark Gethsemane, you that feel the tempter's power;
Your Redeemer's conflict see, Watch with him one bitter hour.
Turn not from his griefs away; learn of Jesus Christ to pray.

See Him at the judgment hall, beaten, bound, reviled, arraigned;
O the worm-wood and the Gall! O the pangs his soul sustained!
Shun not suffering, shame or loss; learn of Christ to bear the cross.

Calvary's mournful mountain clumb; there, adoring at His feet,
Mark that miracle of time, God's own sacrifice complete.
"It is finished!" hear Him cry; learn of Jesus Christ to die.

Early hasten to the tomb where they laid his breathless clay;
All is solitude and gloom. Who has taken him away?
Christ is risen! He meets our eyes; Savior, teach us so to rise.

Lots of gospels...

I have been teased for reading Christianity Today online.
It's okay - I can take it.

Their weblog has had lots of stuff about the Gospel of Judas stuff that's been all the buzz lately. I have to admit, I was talking out loud to the newspeople on TV when they started calling it a document that could "shake the foundations of Christianity" and tell the story of Jesus from another perspective. Things I may (or may not) have shouted back could include: "This isn't really new information," "People have had jacked up ideas about that for a LONG TIME - it's called G-NOS-TI-CISM (say it with me now)," "300AD? THREE HUNDRED AD??" and my favorite, "Nuh-uh!" That, ladies and gentleman, is what a little bit of seminary gets you - a strong, though still somewhat naive, opinion. For a kinda funny, satirical look at the whole hoopla, check out the internet monk.

In their weblog today, CT has a bunch of links to different conversations and whatnot related to the whole thing. There's some commentary amongst the links, too.

However, the last part of their commentary was especially interesting:
"If you want to be really cool, though, tell your friends about a little-known document that's even more amazing than the Gospel of Judas. It's called the Epistle of Judas, and it makes some pretty wild claims. First, the document is reportedly older than almost any New Testament book, and it draws heavily upon non-canonical Jewish literature. It includes some odd stories like the archangel Michael fighting with the Devil over a corpse, and quite a bit of discussion about sexual indulgence. Unlike most New Testament books, the Epistle of Judas appears to be written in Judea itself. The book makes the dramatic claim that its author, Judas, was the brother of the apostle James (the first leader of the church). Judas apparently makes a subtle claim that he's Jesus' brother, too.

This Epistle of Judas includes some advice that may be applicable for those frustrated with all the hype over the much-later Gospel of Judas. "Have mercy on those who doubt," Judas wrote. "Save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh."*"

They have stuff on christianitytoday.com about other stuff too - like living the resuurection (but who would be nerdy enough to get really excited about stuff like that?).

In current (consistent) rotation

(This is a review I wrote for our church's young adult e-newsletter. If you're subscribed to The Know, that was your spoiler warning. I don't know if it does the album justice, but it's the best I could come up with. When I get enamoured with a CD I want to listen to it again and again...and then I want to share it with everyone I think would appreciate it. So it's fun to be able to review an album I feel that way about. Although I'd much rather take a drive with you while playing and talking about the songs. However, since I can't...)

The Far Country – Andrew Peterson, 2005

Andrew Peterson just might be one of the best Christian artists you’ve never heard of. While his distinct voice takes some warming-up to, his songwriting abilities are very solid, and he is definitely worthy of the many comparisons to Rich Mullins that have been made by various reviewers. His 2004 Christmas CD, Behold the Lamb of God, ranks as one of my personal all-time favorite CDs. (If you’ve never heard me rave about this CD, ask me sometime; just make sure you have about a half hour to spare. It’s amazing. Go buy it. No, really!) Peterson always manages to combine thoughtful lyrics with acoustic, organic music.

Peterson describes his latest album, The Far Country, as “a joyful album about death.” While this sounds potentially contradictory, AP explores topics like death and heaven with honesty and quite a bit of hope. The overall message of the album is this: We are living in the far country; heaven is our real home. One of the stand-out tracks for me is “Lay Me Down,” which makes statements like, “When you lay me down to die I’ll miss my boys, I’ll miss my girls; lay me down and let me say goodbye to this world. You can lay me anywhere, oh but just remember this: when you lay me down to die, you lay me down to live.”

The musical style of the album as a whole is upbeat, even when dealing with serious themes. Peterson stays true to his acoustic sound (guitars, harmonies, and an occasional hammered dulcimer) that has served him well for many albums. However, several tracks (most noticeably the title track) groove with a bit more driving electric sound.

Though the majority of the songs stay within the overall theme of life after death, Peterson offers several solid songs on other topics. “Little Boy Heart Alive” celebrates the child-like wonder of Peterson’s sons with lots of literary and spiritual allusions. “For the Love of God” is a song about marriage written for the wedding of a friend who was notoriously bad at relationships. “Mystery of Mercy,” originally recorded by Caedmon’s Call (though written by AP), sings about the grace of God that goes far beyond what we deserve or understand.

Lyrics for the whole album, as well as several music clips, can be found at Andrew Peterson’s website.
For a review (by a real music reviewer) from Christianity Today, click here (The Far Country was also named as one of Christianity Today’s top albums of 2005). [Why do I feel like Reading Rainbow right now? “But you don’t have to take MY word for it…”]

As I have listened to this album over the past month, I have found a great deal of comfort and a widened perspective. While life has its challenges, because of Christ we can have a hope that goes beyond what we can see.
As AP sings on “More”:
“There is more
More than all this pain
More than all the falling down
And the getting up again
There is more
More than we can see
From our tiny vantage point
In this vast eternity
There is more.”

Life (and death) perspective

It's interesting how sometimes when I'm most frustrated with school - and the seemingly impractical nature of studying the things I do, I get surprised at how much I need to hear the very things I'm studying.

Some context:
I've been pondering death a bit lately. It's been a reality for some people around me - in some painful ways. Funerals, especially for the young, are never easy.
I've been listening to Andrew Peterson's newest album, "The Far Country," to try to write a review of it; it's mostly about death. (Fortunately, that album has been a huge comfort to me.)
And I've been working hard on my paper on the Resurrection - and why it's important for us as Christians to talk (and sing) about it on a regular basis.

And in the process of all that - I think that I'm being shaped.
Tonight - in a surprising place (Alexander Campbell's hymnal) - I found so many songs that articulated all of these thoughts that have been spinning in my head. I think we need more songs like this to sing.
Here's one (I apologize, I can't find the author.):

"WHEN we the sacred grave survey
In which our Saviour deign'd to lie,
We see fulfill'd what prophets say,
And all the power of death defy.

This empty tomb shall now proclaim
How weak the bands of conquer'd death;
Sure pledge that all who trust his name,
Shall rise, and draw immortal breath.

Our Surety freed declares us free,
For whose offences he was seiz'd;
In his release our own we see,
And joy to view Jehovah pleas'd.

Jesus, once number'd with the dead,
Unseals his eyes to sleep no more;
And ever lives their cause to plead,
For whom the pains of death he bore.

Then, tho' in dust we lay our head,
Yet, gracious God, thou wilt not leave
Our flesh for ever with the dead,
Nor lose thy children in the grave."

Monday Randomness

• The reading from Daily Hours included Mary's Magnificat (her song from Luke's gospel) this morning - apparently on March 25th, the church celebrates the angel appearing to her - 9 months before we celebrate Christmas. Kinda neat methinks...
• I had an oil leak in my car from Friday afternoon until this morning. If anyone wanted to stalk me, they could trace a path from my driveway to church. Of course, if anyone were stalking me, those aren't exactly secret locations. (Don't worry, I got it fixed.)
• I wish Rich Mullins were still around writing music.
• I have very encouraging...and patient friends - for which I am extremely grateful. I also have a random encourager here in the office who left this note for me on the dry-erase board outside my office:

A few wicked pics...

Just got the pictures from last Friday's trip - here are a few highlights:

That giant sucking sound isn't another tornado...

...It's the sound of the Big 10's performance in this year's NCAA Tournament.

And that's a shame. Especially my beloved Illini.

I love March Madness: hearing the brackets be announced, filling out brackets for different pools (I ALWAYS pick Illinois to win it all - always), and then watching the first few days of games when teams (especially the underdogs) play with their hearts and hopes on the line. (Go Bradley! And go whatever little school beat UNC! And the team that beat Tennessee...oh yeah, Wichita State!)

And I've been an Illini fan long enough to know how to handle defeat - but some losses are harder than others. I have been known to hold grudges against the teams that knock us out of the tournament (Florida, Kansas, Arizona...). Unfortunately our recent loss to Washington started to remind me of the Elite 8 game in 2001 (the game I refer to as, "the game of which I will not speak"). I tried not to think about it while the game was in progress, it's just hard when it's almost like deja vu. I just have one thing to say: foul trouble is the worst kind of trouble for a Big 10 team in the tournament.

Another level of sadness is saying goodbye to the seniors - it always comes too soon. This year it's especially hard to say goodbye to Dee Brown - one of the most dynamic players Illinois has had in a long time. Not only did I hate that we lost so soon - but I hate for his last college ball experience to be a missed 3-point shot. Dee, thanks for playing 4 years of college ball, thanks for your leadership and energy, and thanks for bringing so much positive press and attention to the Illinois program.

(Happy Illini bball memories here)

This is cheesy - but whatever:

Hail to the orange - hail to the blue
Hail alma mater
Ever so true (so true)
We love no other so let our motto be:
Victory, Illinois! Varsity!

It's all grand, and it's all GREEN!

No, I'm not Irish. But I am LOVING St. Patrick's Day...

I don't know why I use holidays as mile-markers...but it is interesting to use them to see what was going on a year ago (or 2 or 3 or...).

In 2005, a group of us spent a day from our Brooklyn mission trip sight-seeing in Manhattan. I love the city - and that day is a fun memory to look back on:

This is one of my very favorite pictures of one of my very favorite people (on the Staten Island Ferry, no less):















And then in 2006, I was lucky enough to spend one short day in the Windy City with another favorite person.
We were lucky to have pretty nice weather - and we had a GREAT time.
There was:

• Some exploring of downtown (Millenium Park mainly)
• A long windy walk to Navy Pier
• Looking at stained glass (and avoiding Jehovah's Witnesses!)
• Eating ice cream
• The buying of Cubs t-shirts
• Browsing at Borders (one of my most favorite things ever)
• And of course - the Wonderful Wicked.

The show was really great - I may attempt more coherent thoughts on that sometime later. I'm still buzzing from it right now. I also borrowed a camera yesterday, so hopefully I'll have some pictures soon.

I say spending St. Pat's in a BIG city is the way to go...

Everything's the same - except not....

Life's been a little weird lately. Lots of hard things happening around me - to people I love - and it's HARD stuff. And I don't know that I handle it well. I don't know what to say - or what to do. But I can't separate myself from it either - I feel things deeply. And in the midst of all the "stuff" - life seems to go on as normal. Even with something like the tornadoes we had - my house is fine, my car is unscratched, I had power 6 hours later, and I don't have a curfew in my neighborhood. And I have posted the struggle I have [see 9/06/05 entry] before - when you realize that literally every day someone is hurting or struggling - how do you deal with that honestly without slipping down into despair?

I was reading last night from a "seminary" book - and the author quoted this song. Different verses were written in different times throughout history when the various authors faced trials (from the Civil War to the Cold War). Then he mentioned that his favorite version was sung by Eva Cassidy - who sings it soulfully & triumphantly - even though she was in the middle of fighting the cancer that eventually took her life. And somehow - reading it last night - I wanted to sing along:

My life goes on in endless song, above earth's lamentations
I hear the real, though far-off hymn, that hails a new creation
Above the tumult and the strife, I hear its music ringing
It sounds an echo in my soul - how can I keep from singing?

When tyrants tremble, sick with fear, and hear their death-knell ringing
When friends rejoice both far and near - how can I keep from singing?
In prison cell and dungeon vile our thoughts to them are winging
When friends by shame are undefiled - how can I keep from singing?

What though my joys and comforts die, the Lord my Savior liveth
And though the darkness round me close, songs in the night He giveth
No storm can shake my inmost calm while to that Rock I'm clinging
Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth - how can I keep from singing?

(Credit Reggie Kidd, With One Voice - Discovering Christ's Song in Our Worship)

A picture's worth....something, right?

Partly because my brain is fried...

and partly in keeping with the theme of my class from last week (where I learned about multiple forms of communication in worship)...

I would like to sum up my last week in a few pictures:




















And since I'm probably about the only one that this makes sense to - it just goes to show you images can't completely stand alone....

Retrospective

It's now officially March (breaking news, I know)...

and I believe my blog is going to suffer for it. While I'd like to be really thoughtful, insightful, and artistic - I am feeling more disjointed than anything else, lately.

In the next few months and weeks, there is much to do and much to look forward to:

• A week intensive class up north with some really cool worship students
• Quick trips to Indy (maybe) and Chicago, and the viewing of musical productions from the high school to professional level
• The Easter presentations (help us all)
• Easter Sunday (oh my)
• Small Groups Conference (pressure pressure pressure)
• The due date for my really big and scary paper (AAAAHHH pressure pressure pressure)
• GRADUATION (have mercy)

And I'll try to update or reflect on the interesting things - but in the meantime, I'm sure you're wondering why I titled this post "retrospective" if I was just going to look ahead.

Well I wanted to share some noteworthy events from this week. So here they are (with my commentary, of course):

• Getting a voicemail from Phil of the UIUC Black Chorus singing. Best voicemail I've gotten in a long time.
• Seeing people from my small group handle tough things with grace - and seeing a church community come and support each other - it's hard but there is hope.
• Ash Wednesday service with Kara downtown over our lunch. ("Remember you are dust, and to dust you will return.") I also liked the concluding prayer: "As we go, we go with both the sign of our mortality and of the Grace of God. Go faithfully and hopefully in this sign. Go out into the world to make this news known, Jesus Christ has set us free. We are forgiven and made new in the cross of Christ. The Lord bless you now and forever."
• The charge for the parking garage was 50 cents. I had a $20. The parking attendant guy said I was nuts. I look around in my purse and come up with $.35 - he's unimpressed. He tells me TWICE to bring him 15 cents sometime. (Suuuuure)
• Car ride with BB - both of us talking - both of us listening. Good deal. Oh and Sonic drinks too.
• I think that lately my hair looks better in a ponytail than down. Though it probably makes me look "young" - I don't care...
• Lessons were learned as I bid farewell to Plan A, agonized over Plan B's demise, and then dragged a friend into Plan C. (Thanks for your help, anyways...) Plan D will come tomorrow.
• I am blessed beyond what I even can understand - let alone beyond what I consider on a regular basis. I pray that I'm faithful with what I've been given...

an itch you can't scratch

I know this about myself - but I'm realizing it again lately: I have to travel. Seeing someplace new, or someplace "different" energizes me. I love to explore (and I'm really good with maps!), and I love experiencing someplace with all the senses (the taste of local food, the way the ocean smells, hearing the sounds of the city, the way the wind feels in Boston). I love finding out stories about the places I'm visiting (which means I should read more). Maybe it's my creative/artsy side - but I feel very ALIVE when I travel. Central Illinois is great for what it is - but it's not always the most stimulating place...

I definitely took advantage of traveling opportunities in college (though I regret the lack of a long trip to Europe). And now that I'm a "grown-up" it seems so much harder to get away. Part of that is having a full-time job and needing to be here for most of the Sundays. Another part of it is finding someone who I can travel with (but I don't want that to hold me back). I just don't like the idea of going somewhere by myself - I experience life best in community!! (I'll admit - I'm picky about this aspect to a certain point.) And part of it is $$$ - but soon I will graduate from school. So I think 2006 needs to have at least 1 good trip.

Weekend trips to big cities in the Midwest or Allerton Park help...but I'd really like to be any of these places right about now (or soon - I'm not picky):




Man - I love this bridge, and I can't explain why...
I need a good CITY trip.








Europe beckons frequently (though I have never answered)
I want to see a real cathedral someday







Santa Barbara Mission - so beautiful...






Last year the only cool place I went was Brooklyn (for a mission trip) - and I let some of my vacation days expire. NOT cool.

I have GOT to get on top of my vacation plan this year. Where should I go??

The pendulum swings...

I told Kara on the phone last night that I'm a recovering legalist. I've known this for quite some time. I gave her some background, but basically here's what you need to know: I came to the realization early in college that despite my understanding that faith does NOT come through works, I was constantly evaluating my standing with God on very works-based things. This is not an uncommon practice (you've heard of people imagining God with a big tally sheet making checks in a "good" column and a "bad" column) - and I thought I knew better.

Then very early in my freshman year of college I had a random encounter with a Campus Crusade staff member. I didn't know her very well, but she met with me and asked me - out of the blue - to give her a percentage of how certain I was that if I died that night that I would go to heaven. And I thought about it. A variety of things went running through my head - thoughts about how infrequent my quiet time was - amazement at her boldness in asking me this - and then she stopped me. She said, "You know, you can know for sure." At the time I didn't realize that this was a common CRU tactic - I was just stunned at my own thought process. Where did I get confused about God's grace?

I could point to the fact that I grew up very "churched" - between church itself and going to a Christian school from kindergarten through 8th grade. I know lots of Bible stuff. I could point to the heavy emphasis that there was on having a daily "quiet time" in high school. Even though I wasn't sure how exactly how to do it, I knew that I wasn't really doing well if I was inconsistent with it.

And there's that word - consistency. I used to pray for it. I asked other people to pray that I would have it. Thing is, that never really helped me be more consistent. Then I heard a teacher (can't remember where) say that consistency is a false virtue. It's not valuable in and of itself - it's a way to do something, but not the thing itself. Now - I don't think consistency is a bad thing per se - but I don't think it was healthy for me to focus on it as much as I did. It definitely wasn't healthy to continue to beat myself up over my repeated inconsistency with spiritual practices. It for sure didn't bring me any closer to God.

I read Brennan Manning's The Ragamuffin Gospel for the first time in college. I've probably read it 3 times since then. It's been a huge part of my recovery process (from legalism, that is). I've heard people say on more than one occasion that he's repetitive - and that all his writings are the same: "Grace, grace, we're loved, we're loved, blah, blah." And this tends to be my articulate response: "BUT DO YOU UNDERSTAND IT? I don't. I need to keep hearing it." The yelling helps.

In a Christian Ed class last year, a prof said that sometimes books are beneficial in the way that they notice how far the pendulum has swung in one direction - so it tries to be corrective in another direction. Brennan is that way for me. I was looking for something work-related yesterday and got out The Ragamuffin Gospel and looked through my markings (I'm a book-marker).

I just wanted to share these musings, because talking it through with Kara last night was one of the times I've been able to articulate it best. And then I wanted to share just a bit from Ragamuffin Gospel. (It's from the chapter called, "The Victorious Limp.")
And I just realized the quote I'm going to use is from someone else - Lloyd Ogilvie.

"Peter had built his whole relationship with Jesus Christ on his assumed capacity to be adequate. That's why he took his denial of the Lord so hard. His strength, loyalty, and faithfulness were his self-generated assests of discipleship. The fallacy in Peter's mind was this: he believed his relationship was dependent on his consistency in producing the qualities he thought had earned him the Lord's approval. [in my book I underlined this & wrote "wow"]

"Many of us face the same problem. We project into the Lord our own measured standard of acceptance. Our whole understanding of him is based in a quid pro quo of bartered love. He will love us if we are good, moral, and diligent. But we have turned the tables; we try to live so that he will love us, rather than living because he has already loved us."

(I don't think that this gives us license to do whatever we want. I think that this kind of love should compell us. And I think our (my) disobedience might be more out of the fact that we (I) don't understand His love.)

So pray for my recovery...

I can be objective - HONEST!

So I'm going to attempt to review a soon-to-be-released album by one of my favorite bands - Caedmon's Call. I got a pre-release of their newest album, "In the Company of Angels II - The World Will Sing," because they had a deal where worship pastors could preview it. I got it about a week ago and listened to it here and there - but today I sat down with pen and paper to listen INTENTLY to it!

The main things to know about this: it's a worship album. They had one out a few years back that I thought was pretty good. They definitely have some common influence with the Indelible Grace group that re-does old (and often unfamiliar) hymn texts. They also have 3 main vocalists: Cliff Young, Danielle Young, and Andrew Osenga. Cliff sings most of the songs - Danielle and Andy sing 2 apiece. They have a wide variety of songwriters - and my pre-release doesn't give song credits unfortunately. I had expected (because of the subtitle "the world will sing" and because of their previous world-music influenced album) that this album would have lots of ethnic influences - musically and lyrically. That's not the case...for better or worse.

So my overall review: I would put this on a similar level as their previous worship album - it's a good worship album (though I doubt it will be one of my all-time favorites) but it's not on as high of a level as many other Caedmon's albums. However, there are a handfull of really good songs - so I'm glad for those. As a part of the pre-release I was asked to consider how usable the songs are for corporate worship (which is already a primary criteria in my head) - but know that a lot of the review will tilt that way.

Thumbs up:

• The lyrical content is really good. There is lots of substance and depth - without being overly wordy. The themes addressed are ones that are often overlooked in worship songs: Christ's redemptive acts - and what they mean for us, the corporate dimension of Christian worship (more than just me & Jesus), being honest about pain and suffering and putting it in perspective, etc. Lyrically speaking, there is not a bad track on this album.
• I'm almost always a fan of re-done hymns - though it can be tricky to mess with the ones that are really well-known. Draw Me Nearer does the best job with this.
• Andrew Osenga and Danielle Young - the songs that they sing on this album are my favorites. While I've always been drawn to songs Danielle sings (I'm self-centered, I admit, the girl songs are easier to sing) - this album makes me excited that Andy is a part of this band. More for his songwriting than anything else. I loved his songs on Share the Well - and then I decided to buy some old albums from his former band, The Normals. His song, "The Story" from this album is AMAZING. More on it later.

Thumbs...sideways?:

• Cliff's voice - I have a harder time with it on this album for some reason. But I don't want to feel that way.

Thumbs down:

• There is very little that jumps out and GRABS me musically on this album. We could debate how important that is - but for me - I love it when an album draws me in. A few tracks here and then are really great, but overall it's going to be one that grows on me. I think it could... This is Caedmon's Call - and I expect fun driving guitars, really fun percussion, and really fun harmonies (I NEED FUN, dangit)...or I expect experimentation. And there are just a good number of tracks that sound like they would fit right in on Christian radio (and that's all I'll say about that).

Stand-out tracks (with selections of lyrics):

Draw Me Nearer - A re-working of a familiar hymn. The music is really nice - but the best part is an added bridge where Danielle sings (almost ad-libbing): "You draw me with Your mercy, You draw me with your love, You draw me with forgiveness by your blood, etc."

Rest Upon Us - I think that this song does a good job of expressing need - but calling out to God in specific ways, expressing faith(vs. I need you, I need you, I need you, etc.). A sample of the chorus: "Holy Spirit rest upon us, breath of God touch my soul, Come unfailing love of Jesus, rest upon us, rest upon us"

Fellowship - I love the content of the lyrics - the theme is really cool - singing together about Christ's redemption but then what that means for us as a community. I love the 2nd verse especially: "We can feel His love among us; We can sing redemption's songs; We can hear the Spirit call us to a place where we belong; For His joy is in our laughter and His comfort in our grief; His love here and ever after will be the language that we speak." This song is a great lyric/music combo - and could be singable...

Be Merciful to Me - love love love the SOUND of this song. The simple piano and the percussion - plus Danielle's soft vocals - it's great. The chorus is really simple and repetitive: "Be merciful to me, be merciful to me, through shadow dark and valley deep, be merciful to me" - though the repetition of "Be merciful to me" reminds me of repeating the traditional Kyrie/Christe Eleison phrases "Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy." I'm curious to see later how much of the lyrics here are original or if it's an old text.

The Story - THIS IS MY FAVORITE SONG EVER. (Sorry for the yelling) Well, I don't know about ever - but I really really like it. I'm probably tainted by my worship seminary brain - and while this isn't a corporate worship song - it's a REALLY good song. But there is something about needing to be reminded of the bigger picture - that Christ is victorious. Andy's songwriting is just really great. I'm going to share lots of lyrics - because I like them, and it's my blog and I can do what I want!

• Chorus: "Oh can tell me the story of all of Your glory,
  of Your rising again.
  Cause I'm in love with the mystery of how our sad history
  can turn out for good."
• 2nd verse: "And the bitter man is angry
  and the angry man just thinks he's right.
  Too right to see mercy -
  but he's standing in its light.
  We can shed tears over dying -
  we can rage & fight -
  but we cannot forget that we were loved before we opened up our eyes -
  such foolish pride"
• And the bridge - holy cow -
  "It's a shame to build our homes with bricks of fear and cynical stones.
  There is nothing left to run from, there is nothing left but..."

This is from my notes when I was listening through the album: "Andy O is the MAN"

And there you go - the album is released March 7th - and you should either buy it - or buy the top songs from iTunes. Thank you for reading...

Old thoughts re-pondered...

Today I was looking through some old notes in journals I've kept. Not personal journals (though I keep those too). These have sermon notes, notes from conferences, quotes I want to remember - that sort of thing.

I have realized something about myself: I take long amounts of time to really "get" certain concepts. You could say that ideas need to "marinate" - or that I'm a "slow learner." Doesn't really matter - but there were a couple things that I wanted to process here.

There's a certain worship scholar (Dr. Wwwwwhat's-his-name) that I have heard a lot from over the past 3 years. Some of that has been through books, some has been in person, and some has been through his influence on other people around me. He says some really good things (which I'm about to mention) - but he also has said a certain amount of things that confused/frustrated me (which will remain unnamed for now).
I have heard him teach twice in person over the past 2 years - and I was reviewing my notes from both of those. A couple things jumped out at me - but I'll share just one thing for the time being.

He was talking about how in early Christianity - people didn't only confess belief in Christ when they were baptized - they also verbally renounced Satan. I think the phrase was, "I renounce Satan and all his works" or something like that. (They also spit to emphasize the point. I love it.) It sounds rather funny at first.

But then he compared it to the traditional marriage vows. You know - the part that says - "and forsaking all others..." And that somehow doesn't seem as ridiculous. I mean - we're all for fidelity and faithfulness in marriage. (He BETTER forsake all others. Shoot.)

And I think there's a point to be made there.

We don't just accept Christ - we also reject Satan. And we reject his control on our life. And we reject sin. How often do we rest so much in grace that we betray the vow we made to accept Christ as Lord or act in a way that is unfaithful to that relationship?

This is all part of a larger thought I've had lately about sin - and how we rarely identify it in ourselves or call it what it is - SIN.

What do you think? How do you react to that idea?

Valentine's Day makes me sick

Okay - so today I'm sick. Blech. Whatever.

But it made me think. Last year this same time I was sick too (as in, the days immediately following Valentine's Day). The only reason I remember is I was supposed to play the horn for Spear's concert but had to back out at the last minute. I was going through some stuff the other day and found the note from the flowers he sent me (I'm a packrat. I confess it.). And the date on it was Feb 18th.

So - I wonder - does Valentine's Day make me sick?

And if so - what should I do next year??

I welcome your advice.

Without love whatever we do is worth nothing

From today's mid-day office readings:

The Prayer Appointed for the Week
O Lord, you have taught us that without love whatever we do is worth nothing: Send your Holy Spirit and pour into my heart your greatest gift, which is love, the true bond of peace and of all virtue, without which whoever lives is accounted dead before you. Grant this for the sake of your only Son Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

The Concluding Prayer of the Church
Almighty God, our heavenly Father, the privilege is ours to share in the loving, healing, reconciling mission of your Son Jesus Christ, our Lord, in this age and wherever we are. Since without you we can do no good thing:

May your Spirit make us wise;

May your Spirit guide us;

May your Spirit renew us;

May your Spirit strengthen us;

So that we will be:

Strong in faith,

Discerning in proclamation,

Courageous in witness,

Persistent in good deeds.

This we ask through the name of the Father.

Church of the Province of the West Indies

A total class act

A quick tribute to my all-time favorite Olympian, Michelle Kwan.

She dropped out of the Olympics yesterday [edit: Sunday], and I had two STRONG emotions: sadness and respect.

I have been a fan of Kwan's for a long time.
I'm not 100% sure why I always liked her. She's pretty close to my age, she has always carried herself with grace and humility, and I just enjoy watching her skate.

I remember being in 8th grade and watching her at the U.S. Nationals. It was the year of the Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding mess - and Michelle skated really well. She ended up being the alternate for the Olympics that year. Her innocence in the middle of all the drama was striking.

Then I remember when she got the silver in Nagano my senior year of high school. I heard about it during a music rehearsal and I was SO bummed (and I repent of the nasty things I said about Tara Lipwhatshername).

My senior year of college I watched her fall in the long program in the '02 games. I do not repent of beating Fuzz with a slipper for making fun of her. That I stand by.

Am I sad Michelle never won Olympic gold? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. However, I have to applaud her decision not to compete. She is still one of the best American figure skaters of all time (http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/winter06/figure/columns/story?id=2328132).

And I wrote this blog entry last night - but couldn't post it (Blogger was being dumb). Then today I saw that Kari blogged about it too (though more articulately). And there you have it.

Nerd Alert

A snapshot of my mind today:

• Should we pray Trinitarianly? I was pondering this yesterday as I addressed God as "Father" and wrapped up the prayer "in Jesus' Name." The Holy Spirit is missing in a lot of my spirituality. It's a similar question as "should we worship the Holy Spirit"? The answer probably involves some study.... Melissa said she knows someone who would open a prayer with, "Oh Holy Trinity..." Heh. And she also pointed out that we can pray in an awareness of the Spirit's presence and activity. Which I do sometimes - but overall the Spirit's power isn't something we talk about much - or see much. And then this whole thought brings me back to the Divine Hours & the Gloria prayer...
• Walking up the church stairs after lunch, I was glad that I'm not Catholic. I saw a communion wafer on the floor, and I was happy that I didn't have to eat it.

More Resurrection Talk

A few quotes that are wandering through my head after a Saturday in good ol' Lincoln:

“The gospels do not narrate the actual resurrection of Christ, but rather its discovery by Jesus’ disciples and his subsequent appearances to them. Thus the Resurrection retains that aura of mystery, the sense of the numinous, as an extraordinary manifestation of the power of God which cannot be encompassed by the grasp of the rational mind. To narrate the event itself would be to divest it of its gripping quality, just as artistic representations of it are unsuccessful.” - Richard C. Leonard
(don't you think numinous is a great word?!?)

“The third day he rose from the dead: this tells me nothing about me, but everything about God. The resurrection of Jesus is a mass of trumpets announcing that God is God, that Jesus really was the Messiah, that the Lord of the universe has just left a large signature on this planet, that inexplicable power resides in God’s arm, that God’s love triumphs over every dark for, even death itself. God is glorified. God be praised.” - James C. Howell
(When will we get that it's not about us?)

“I belong to the God whose first and finest achievement was an empty place.” - James C. Howell
(I am still processing his point here...it's a tough one)

Up from the grave He arose (He arose)

Okay - it's time for some audience participation. Or maybe audience pondering. Whatever.

(Though seeing how most people who read this blog are people I see in person - or who I've never met and are from a far-away country - this could be interesting.)

When I say "the resurrection" - what comes to mind?
Any thoughts, images, emotions?

How about this - how does the resurrection affect your relationship with God? How does it affect your worship of Him?

This may be a recurring topic in my life for the next few months, as I am likely writing a paper about how we should talk about the resurrection in our worship services.

And now I need to close all internet browsers and really type (the paper - it's just a blank Word document for now). But I am curious to hear any thoughts related....

And as He stands in victory - sin's curse has lost its grip on me...

Happy Thoughts

So my blog has become completely random. And that might be an accurate representation of my personality. While I do hope to add some thought with depth and insight in the near future - you are left with random thoughts that make me happy.

• Clean apartment - many thanks to the roommate
• Pickle - you complete me!
• It's a frickin CELINE DION MOUSEPAD. How cool is that?!?
• How can you not see people looking in your window? Yep - we're THAT stealth
• Acting 13...16...whatever
• Imo's on Mondays
• 2 phone calls from Phil in one day
• Text messages involving Robert Tilton and Music Man quotes (::swoon::)

This One's For the Girls....

You are killing all of my wonder. (KILLER!!)

Shortie got a job, shortie got a car, shortie can pay her own rent....I just want real love.

Different from the ones before - cause I know she loves the Lord - she's THAT kind of girl

And it's all your fault I screen my phone calls - no matter who calls I screen my phone calls

Forever and ever - you'll stay in my heart - and I will love you forever and ever...

Playing with matches, a girl can get BURNED. So bring me no ring, groom me no groom, find me no find, catch me no catch - unless he's a matchless match

Because I knew you - I have been changed for good

No matter what I'm wearin' I will always be Beeeeeethanyyyyyy

I could not love you any better, I love you just the way you are

I'd gladly give up my freedom - to be held in your captivity

When I am weak, unable to speak, still I can call You by name.

Could it be that He is only waiting there to see if I will learn to love the dreams that He has dreamed for me?

Oh, but you don't know what's coming. Don't you know the One who holds tomorrow?

Lord, I know if you change my mind, You will change my heart in time.

How deep the Father's love for us - how VAST beyond all measure.

You're beautiful the way you are.

My surroundings

This might say something about me - might not. I'm opening myself up for psychoanalysis!

Things on my Bulletin Board:

• Worship Schedules
• Staff phone directory
• Black and White old New York City calendar (I always get one of these from World Market - it lets me travel by turning my head. This month's is Grand Central Station - with the light pouring in. LOVE IT!)
• A flower made from popped balloons (from 40 Days of Purpose)
• Pictures from 3 weddings - Melissa, cousin Sarah, and Orange & Blue
• Estefani - my Compassion kid
• A card that says: "Pray for...Young Adult Ministry at West Side & Young Adults in the Community" from vision night #1 back in the day!
• A sticker that says, "I voted" (I had to beg for that...)
• A picture of Melissa and I in the infamous yellow office
• A picture from lunch at Granny's
• A birthday note from Phil (2003)
• A cross ornament from Spear
• The Beattitudes art from the first Gathering (which still looks awesome, Kara)
• A cartoon about lipstick that was given to me by a woman who was trying to win me over to her lipstick side (I still don't wear it)
• A small piece of paper where Melissa wrote her married name about 6 months before her wedding. I used to look at it to get used to it. I think it helped.
• An Illini basetball poster from the 2003-2004 season
• A cross-stitched piece from MaryAnn
• Phone numbers for people that I never called (mostly high school acquantances
• A dried red rose

Things on my Computer monitor:

• A pink piece of paper with Psalm 86:11-13 on it - Diane B. put it on there for the women's conference
• An index card that says: "Clarity of Mission flows from purity of worship" - I still don't know who said that...
• 2 fortune cookie fortunes (I LOVE fortune cookie fortunes): "You'll never know what you can do until you try" and "Your love life will be happy and harmonious."

So what do you think this says about me??

Hungry Girl

**Public service announcement**

I'd like to make a recommendation. If you visit the Hungry Girl website - you can sign up for daily emails with suggestions about eating healthy and exercise. But they're super-fun. They've got product reviews, tips for eating out, all kinds of fun things.

The end.

I love my job

Today was one of those days...and I just need to remember it - because I love my job:

• Great response from the artist yesterday - praise God... (and I'm amazed at the power of art...and of people surrendering their gifts in corporate worship)
• "I see orange and blue events in the future. Bad Mike..."
• Imo's is the new place for lunch...but don't tell too many people
• "What is that? Please make it stop!"
• "I Need You" - The Swift
• "Made for You" - Watermark
• The calypso Easter song...and lots of laughter

Mr. T

Facts about Mr. T:

• When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.
• Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
• Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.
• Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says, "I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you."
• Children are afraid of the dark. Dark is afraid of Mr. T.
• Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
• Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserve their daily dose of vitamin T.
• Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.
• Mr T. and Chuck Norris decided to spar; they traveled to the only safe place in the Universe, the beginning of time. They bowed to each other and Chuck launched in with a roundhouse kick. Mr. T blocked it, and the resulting pressure wave is commonly called the Big Bang.
• Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. The result was the 80's.
• Mr. T's chains are not made of gold, they are actually made of curium, one of the heaviest elements in existence. They were put there by the CIA to slow him down, and you're lucky they do, fool.
• Human females have two X chromosomes. Males have an X and a Y. Mr. T has three Ys and a T. He's more man than you'll ever be.
• When creating the alphabet, Mr. T placed the letters M, R, and T in separate areas so people could learn to read and spell without fear.
• Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.
• When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.
• Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is too afraid to shine on him.
• Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.
• Mr. T doesn't breathe, air just hides in his lungs for protection.
• Mr. T isn't afraid of flying, but God fears the consequences of letting him fall.
• Mr. T is the reason the sky is blue. Don't ask stupid questions.
• On the A-team, Face, Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.
• There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.
• Mr. T was once involved in a head-on car crash, and he was the only survivor. Mr. T was walking at the time.
• Mr. T doesn't need an ATM card. He just walks up to the machine, crosses his arms, stares at it, and money comes out.
• Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.
• Mr. T always drives on the right side of the road, no matter where he is in the world.
• Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
• Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.

You can read all about it - about how boy meets girl and then...

Just found some online articles about the nature of Christian "dating" or whatever you want to call it - and thought I'd share. I like it when people can say things more articulately than I ever could.

The first is from Boundless (they tend towards the more conservative side - but pretty good nonetheless): http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001200.cfm - "Not Your Buddy."

I've heard it said that it is difficult for men and women to be very good friends without at least one of them having interest in more. I think as a generalization, that's probably true. Anyways, I liked how this article calls out girls to go into friendships with guys with eyes open - rather than just seeing what they want to. He's just not that into you, right? However, I do think the roles could occasionally be reversed (the girl enjoying the attention with the guy hoping there's more).

The second is from ChristianityToday - and is co-written by 2 single Christians: http://www.christianitytoday.com/singles/newsletter/mind60111.html - "State of the Date"

It's been a few days since I read it - but I liked their honesty.

And now to finish the quote from the post title: "He screws the whole thing up...just like always" ;o)

Selections from tonight's compline

The Reading
"He comes to us as One unknown, without a name, as of old, by the lakeside, He came to those men who knew Him not. He speaks to us the same word: "Follow thou me!" and sets us the tasks which he has to fulfill for our time. He commands. And to those who obey Him, whether they be wise or simple, He will reveal Himself in the toils, the conflicts, the sufferings which they will pass through in his fellowship, and, as an ineffable mystery, they shall learn in their own experience Who He is." - Albert Schweitzer

The Small Verse
Into your hands, O Lord, I commend my spirit; for you have redeemed me, O Lord, O God of truth. Keep me, O Lord, as the apple of your eye; hide me under the shadow of your wings.

The Petition
Watch, O Lord, with those who wake, or watch, or weep tonight, and give Your angels and saints charge over those who sleep. Tend Your sick ones, O Lord Christ. Rest Your weary ones. Bless Your dying ones. Soothe Your suffering ones. Shield Your joyous ones, and all for Your love's sake. Amen.

SLACKER

Okay - This post is going to have whiny elements - so tune out if you don't want to hear any of that.

I want to be done with school. I've felt this at various other assorted times in my life - but I never meant it as much as I do right now. No more. Isn't it May already?
I don't have a good attitude about it. If I could express my most profound thoughts about school right now, it would be this: "Ughaughiwalgggnuwalgugh..."

And I really do want to make the most of my remaining time. I have a tendency to do "just enough" and have a "whatever it takes to get it done" rather than maximizing it. Finishing strong is what I'd like - but my heart is NOT in this right now...

So this post is just a snapshot of my temporary frustration - and hopefully someday (in the not-so-far future) I can look back and say, "Man, I'm glad I'm done with school."

And now - off to work on getting closer to May....

Patty

I got a Patty Griffin CD from my brother for Christmas. He always hooks me up with good music. While this album, Living With Ghosts, is the first one I've heard all the way through - I already knew one of her songs. {Kara - it's track 10 on your driving mix.}

(These lyrics aren't really indicative of anything in my life right now...just want to share them.)

Rain
It's hard to listen to a hard hard heart
Beating close to mine
Pounding up against the stone and steel
Walls that I won't climb
Sometimes a hurt is so deep deep deep
You think that you're gonna drown
Sometimes all I can do is weep weep weep
With all this rain falling down

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
But I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain

It's hard to know when to give up the fight
Some things you want will just never be right
It's never rained like it has to night before
Now I won't beg you baby
For something maybe you could never give
I'm not looking for the rest of your life
I just want another chance to live

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
But I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain

Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
But I'm still in love underneath this shroud
Rain

Merci madame Kara

I don't speak French. In fact, I think it sounds funny.
But I'd like to give a brief "merci beaucoup" (or whatever) to my "amie", Kara.

• Merci pour your quotes from Henri Nouwen - makes me remember how much I like that book
• Merci pour the lovely candle - a totally random surprise
• Merci pour being the first person to hunt me down in cyberspace that I know in real life (at least that I know of...eek...)
• Merci pour that trip to Indy - may we continue to travel together...
• Merci pour your listening ears
• Merci pour your enjoyment of the Wicked soundtrack.
• Merci pour your friendship
• Merci pour a lovely note that I DID NOT UNDERSTAND AT ALL BECAUSE IT'S IN FRENCH!!! ;o)

Au revoir.

Memories

I had meant to do a 2005 retrospective - mostly for my own memory's sake. However, this post will not be that.

I had several people give me digital pictures today (I need a digital camera!). There's something about pictures that takes me back and makes me all sentimental. My sister Rebekah gave me some pics from this past Christmas, and Melissa found a CD of pictures from our trip to Las Vegas back in July 04.


The kids. I love the look on Josh's face. And no, I don't know why I'm not looking at the camera.







My mom, uncle, and Nana (who turns 98 this month).
How cute are they?? Seriously!










Cute.










There's a level of comfort I feel in these pictures that I can't quite put into words.